I dont want to be a salesman, Im not good at it and I dont want to be talking to people all day. Im looking for more analytics or operations manager positions.
Extremely depressed today. Going into the new year, and entering my 30s in a few weeks really hit me. This year was a lot in terms of change and growth for me. And Im starting to realize Im a bit overwhelmed. I also feel the need to rediscover who I am and what my dreams/goals in life are now that Im stepping away from music. Its like there's a hole that needs filling.
I also feel like I havent been spending enough time with my brother since I moved out, and Im worried about growing distant with him.
2023 is coming to a close, it flew by, and I can't believe it's over. For me, 2023 was the year of change, because nearly every facet of my life changed. Some bad, a lot good, but all of it ultimately contributed to my growth as an individual. And as I'm about to turn 30 in just a couple weeks, I'm entering 2024 not only as a new year, but as a new phase for my life. A phase that required me to do a lot of growing up in a very short amount of time.
I started working multiple jobs. I moved out of my parent's house and into an apartment with my wonderful girlfriend Lauren. And after just a couple months after moving into her apartment with her, we bought a house together. A house that we love, that quickly become our HOME that we will share and enjoy for many, many years to come. When 2023 started, I thought of moving out as a pipedream, years away, and owning a house even more of an impossibility. But here we are! Homeowners!
On the other side of the coin, my band, From Those Ashes fell apart. I poured my heart and soul into that band. Countless hours spent managing the band and writing songs and booking shows and recording/producing our music. Endless amounts of money thrown away on what was ultimately a sinking ship. We had a terrible year, to say the least. We started the year hopeful. We just signed to Dustyn Mitchell's booking agency (we all know how that worked out now), and were planning to go on tour for the first time. We were starting rerecordings for our first two EPs, and were starting to write for a planned full length album.
Unfortunately, none of our plans played out. Dustyn Mitchell turned out to be a scam, and we never got that tour booked. We also struggled to book local shows, and the few local shows we did manage to book had very small turnouts, and even less merch sale/interest in us. We did manage to release the rerecordings of our first two EPs, but sales for them were also very small, and our streams dried up to nothing. For whatever reason, interest in us just disappeared. We stopped getting show offers completely. Bookers/promoters/venues just completely ignored us as we tried to book ourselves. And people just stopped showing up and listening.
Add into that two failed competitions we tried, something new to try and get our music out in new avenues. The We Can Survive Festival battle of the bands, and the Deathgasm 2 battle of the bands - both of which we lost. And worst of all Jose left the band. Our lead guitarist, co-song writer, and visual artist - gone. It was a demoralizing year for us.
The Chicago scene is no longer the same as it was pre-Covid, honestly. At least for our experience. We haven't really felt that same level of community. It's become cliquey, and full of gatekeepers, and the scene has shifted to overwhelmingly favor cover and tribute bands. It's soul crushing and thankless, and ultimately my love and passion for playing music dried up. Playing in FTA stopped being fun. And I no longer have a real interest in making new music at the moment. The scene killed all my love for, enjoyment of, and passion for making and playing music.
Music was my entire life. I went to a music school in Nashville. I got a degree in Music Business, and professional training in audio engineering. My main job is as a backline manager, audio engineer, and studio technician. So to not have any interest in playing music anymore feels extremely weird. Like a part of me is missing.
I've given up on my dream of ever going on tour. Something I've thought about every day for the last 17 years. I've given up on my dream of being in a successful small band. I've even given up on my dream of being a professional recording engineer/producer at this point.
It's hard, but it's reality. Most people don't make it.
I'm going to be 30 years old in a few weeks. And I'm realizing now, that FTA falling apart was a necessary evil, needed to grow up. I had a lot of growing up to do. And I did it all in about six months this year.
So going forward, I need to create new dreams and aspirations. Dreams of being a home owner. Dreams of being able to provide for myself and Lauren as an adult. And dreams of eventually starting a family. The hole I feel for losing music will eventually be filled with something else, and it will be good. And finding that thing is what I am looking forward to in 2024.
Happy New Year everyone. Drink lots of mead and beer!
One part is easily solved. Take a day and go kick it with your brother. Or have him come over and play Four Souls with you and the gf. The game is awesome and he probably wants people to play it with.
Thinking I'll cut my hair short, and go clean shaven soon. I'm having no luck finding a new job, and I think my appearance is a big reason why.
I'm trying to rediscover myself in every other capacity, I might as well rediscover my look too.... It's extremely depressing, but I've put this all off for far too long. I should have done all this and grown up 5 years ago.
May as well cut your balls off too. You won’t be needing them if you’re just gonna keep on being a little bitch about everything. It’s pretty obvious that sacking up just isn’t in you.
You care entirely too much about other’s perception of you and what you’re “supposed” to be. Imagine thinking the length of your hair has anything to do wit your maturity and being an adult. There are literally cultures that display long hair as a show of seniority and wisdom. If anything get it trimmed and styled real nice by a good barber but beards and long hair can still look extremely professional.
You care entirely too much about other’s perception of you and what you’re “supposed” to be. Imagine thinking the length of your hair has anything to do wit your maturity and being an adult. There are literally cultures that display long hair as a show of seniority and wisdom. If anything get it trimmed and styled real nice by a good barber but beards and long hair can still look extremely professional.
Im just relaying what Ive been told from others. I've had two different recruiter type people who have been trying to help me get a new job tell me that Im going to need to shave and cut my hair. And then a friend of mine, who also quit music recently, just graduated and was trying to get a job at a law firm. He wasnt having any luck until he cut his hair short, and he said he immediately started getting job offers after he cut his hair. My parents both work in business, they both say I need to cut my hair and shave too. And then today my manager at the lab I work at said I'd have an easier time in the work world if I shaved and cut my hair.
I've been hesitant because I like it, and also its acceptable in the music field. But as I'm trying to get out, I think I may just have to suck it up and clean up for corporate
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I also feel like I havent been spending enough time with my brother since I moved out, and Im worried about growing distant with him.
2023 is coming to a close, it flew by, and I can't believe it's over. For me, 2023 was the year of change, because nearly every facet of my life changed. Some bad, a lot good, but all of it ultimately contributed to my growth as an individual. And as I'm about to turn 30 in just a couple weeks, I'm entering 2024 not only as a new year, but as a new phase for my life. A phase that required me to do a lot of growing up in a very short amount of time.
I'm trying to rediscover myself in every other capacity, I might as well rediscover my look too.... It's extremely depressing, but I've put this all off for far too long. I should have done all this and grown up 5 years ago.
I've been hesitant because I like it, and also its acceptable in the music field. But as I'm trying to get out, I think I may just have to suck it up and clean up for corporate
This will for sure make you happy.
It's not really the beard, though I'd say to trim it to about 5-10 inches or whatever. It's probably mostly the ragity hair.
Most places can handle one or the other in 2024.