I cut my hair and beard to get my foot in the door where I’m at now. I had been doing contract paralegal work for a while, but it all dried up during the scamdemic. The combination of my hair, beard and size (I’m 6’3”, 320) paints an incorrect picture of me when it comes to interviews, especially with petite women. I’ve had interviews where I knew I wasn’t getting the job the moment I entered the door. People act like they don’t judge, but they do. I can’t hide my size, so I have to accommodate in other areas. I don’t really mind it though. I’m just as comfortable with short hair. I just rock it different. I try to be optimistic and look at the bright side. I love wearing hats, but can’t when my hair is long. So when I chopped it off, I got a couple of nice Braves fitted hats as my prize. My wife and kids have actually been begging me to grow it all back out again. I can, because I’m universally loved at my current job. I just don’t want to
Well tonight was prolly the scariest most disturbing night of my life.
My Ma woke up like 2-3 in the morning and literally collapsed and essentially went retarded, could not formulate a proper sentence, kept saying her lips were numb and she could barely breathe, and she literally grabbed me and said “I’m dying.”.
Immediately called 911 and obviously my first thought was a stroke, well they’re saying she had excess fluid around her heart (There’s an actual medical term for the condition.) which can be caused by a number of things so they’re doing further testing, and treatment can range from simple medication to being as severe as open heart surgery, depending on severity and the cause.
So now it’s a waiting game and I’m REALLY fucking hoping all that’s prescribed is medication and a lifestyle change cause I can’t deal wit the mental anxiety of open heart surgery rn, especially at her age. That’s definitely a potentially life ending surgery.
It’s so fucking depressing to watch too because she is so unhealthy and actively kills herself day in day out, at an age where health is a NECESSITY. She doesn’t drink or do drugs but she chain smokes cigarettes INCESSANTLY and it is literally killing her. It is not an exaggeration when I tell you, the only time I see her without a cigarette in her mouth is when she’s sleeping, and that is such a sad fucking statement to say. I have even mentioned to her, that you would think, wit the way me getting cancer at a young age tore HER up more than it did me, that it would make her think twice afterwards, especially being old when it matters more. Nope. If anything she’s worse than I ever seen her in my entire life. She straight up does not care. And it is going to be absolutely fucking infuriating if I see her go right back to chain smoking, after whatever comes of her diagnosis and treatment.
It’s one of those things where even before tonight, it has definitely been pushing me out quicker and quicker. I’m past due anyways and I’m 28, but A: It nauseates me having to deal wit tarred walls and smoke smell all the time when I don’t fucking smoke. I installed those Febreze plug in oil diffusers in every single room of the house for that reason and I keep all my doors upstairs closed essentially 24/7 to prevent secondhand smoke damage on me and my shit as much as possible. But B: It’s horrible on my own mental health because it is literally depressing to watch someone destroy themselves like that and deteriorate and not give a single flying fuck. And it’s at a point where even tho she has not personally mistreated ME, it has still definitely caused a divide and disconnect. Really only reason it’s went on this long is because the house is mine in the will because I’m the only child so I don’t really know what to do wit that situation. Do I move out and move back in when she either moves to a retirement home or passes, or do I stay and save up severely overcharged rent money instead until she either moves to a retirement home or passes. That sounds morbid and “cold” to even say but that’s jus the reality of the situation. It’s been mostly doable because as it stands, the entire upper floor is basically mine, so it’s really no different than renting an apartment anyways, but there’s things that are jus inseparable and draining about the situation.
I think the saddest part of this whole situation is that even tho it’s extremely depressing, the blow is somewhat softened by the fact that I knew it was only a matter of time before something serious happened, which is why it’s so depressing to watch and subject yourself to in the first place. I mean look, she’s 66 and like anybody, you get up there in age and you face more and more health problems and scares, but living like that is doing nothing but fast forwarding the process by about 25 years smh.
Scary shit. If she made it this far, hopefully she’s good. Heart surgery is way better than it used to be. I had some old ass uncles that had bypass surgery back in the 80’s. He had a scar from ankle to chest from where they took out his vein for a replacement out or something. Gnarly ass scar. Now it’s a lot less invasive than it used to be. Best of luck bro.
I just want to comment on that subject of cigarettes, its really bad for your equipment too. You have a lot of expensive things: computers, video games, audio interfaces, studio monitors, microphones - smoke and tar get into all of that shit. Both the mic and the Xbox I bought from you smelled of cigarettes and I needed to air them out once I got them (the mic was the worst because it was like baked into the mesh grill), so you know its def getting into your stuff.
Im sorry to hear you're going through this. Im honestly surprised, especially after you developed cancer, that she doesnt smoke outside. Hell even making that part of the process can cut down on the chain smoking because of the inconvienence of needing to go outside to smoke. I hope surgery is successful and she makes a recovery and starts cutting back.
That’s horrible. I’m sorry bro. I legitimately would have processed it more if I knew it was that bad cause that shit disgusts me to no end. I had already electric air dusted it to oblivion and it smelled fine to me but I guess that’s what happens when you constantly live in it smh.
But yes, my point exactly. I have a solid core door on the studio, a draft stopper at the bottom, plus double mosquito nets and a purifier running 24/7 in the studio now (Other than when recording cause it gets picked up.) so I’m sure the damage is minimal if at all at this point because nothing is ever smoked directly upstairs, but still.
I’m sorry to hear that Erik. My dad went through the same thing and went right back to smoking after a couple months. Shit was rough to watch. It’s been like 8 years since that and it still infuriates me when I see him spark one
Can confirm it sucks watching people you care about hurt themselves.
Really hope your momm recovers well erik. My dad's health shit has been going.on for about a year and when you don't have siblings to help support the situation it can be tough.
You beat cancer though. You're resilient. Keep your head up.
My mom started doing keto and excercising. It’s the best I’ve ever seen her look and I’m happy she did it. I know you’re a fag but I hope your moms alright wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I know it’s not a “healthy” replacement or anything but is she open to the idea of a vape pen or something? Everyone I personally know that quit has used one of those first and it’s helped me not have an actual cigarette for the last 6 months or so
Survived surgery but they’re putting a pacemaker in and she’s gonna be at the hospital for a while, anywhere from a week to months, waiting to hear more. She’s conscious and not vegetable status or comatose, but blood flow to her brain had cut off and the damage to her speech was “permanent” and she’ll now have to do speech therapy. The only positive about any of this is that it will literally force her to quit smoking.
Well if she’s there for any extended amount of time, whether that’s a week or a month, it’s not like they’re allowing smoke breaks lol. So she will be forced to quit cold turkey and go thru that part there. Of course she can always be stupid and get back to it once she comes home, but the hard part is already out of the way at that point.
First sorry to hear about everything with your mom Erik that shit is rough I dealt with similar with my dad.
Second glad to hear she did good with surgery but the harder part is the recovery. Hopefully she handles it better than my dad. He had triple bypass and valve replacement emergency surgery in 17. The recovery took months and was miserable he could hardly do anything for himself. I know you’re mentally strong we have all watched you grow here you got this and you got your moms back just remember some days are going to be miserable but she needs you and you’re strong enough to handle it, never break sir you got this.
You tryin to be a hero fool? You wanna see badass mother fucker?! I'll show ya a badass!!!
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My Ma woke up like 2-3 in the morning and literally collapsed and essentially went retarded, could not formulate a proper sentence, kept saying her lips were numb and she could barely breathe, and she literally grabbed me and said “I’m dying.”.
Immediately called 911 and obviously my first thought was a stroke, well they’re saying she had excess fluid around her heart (There’s an actual medical term for the condition.) which can be caused by a number of things so they’re doing further testing, and treatment can range from simple medication to being as severe as open heart surgery, depending on severity and the cause.
So now it’s a waiting game and I’m REALLY fucking hoping all that’s prescribed is medication and a lifestyle change cause I can’t deal wit the mental anxiety of open heart surgery rn, especially at her age. That’s definitely a potentially life ending surgery.
It’s so fucking depressing to watch too because she is so unhealthy and actively kills herself day in day out, at an age where health is a NECESSITY. She doesn’t drink or do drugs but she chain smokes cigarettes INCESSANTLY and it is literally killing her. It is not an exaggeration when I tell you, the only time I see her without a cigarette in her mouth is when she’s sleeping, and that is such a sad fucking statement to say. I have even mentioned to her, that you would think, wit the way me getting cancer at a young age tore HER up more than it did me, that it would make her think twice afterwards, especially being old when it matters more. Nope. If anything she’s worse than I ever seen her in my entire life. She straight up does not care. And it is going to be absolutely fucking infuriating if I see her go right back to chain smoking, after whatever comes of her diagnosis and treatment.
It’s one of those things where even before tonight, it has definitely been pushing me out quicker and quicker. I’m past due anyways and I’m 28, but A: It nauseates me having to deal wit tarred walls and smoke smell all the time when I don’t fucking smoke. I installed those Febreze plug in oil diffusers in every single room of the house for that reason and I keep all my doors upstairs closed essentially 24/7 to prevent secondhand smoke damage on me and my shit as much as possible. But B: It’s horrible on my own mental health because it is literally depressing to watch someone destroy themselves like that and deteriorate and not give a single flying fuck. And it’s at a point where even tho she has not personally mistreated ME, it has still definitely caused a divide and disconnect. Really only reason it’s went on this long is because the house is mine in the will because I’m the only child so I don’t really know what to do wit that situation. Do I move out and move back in when she either moves to a retirement home or passes, or do I stay and save up severely overcharged rent money instead until she either moves to a retirement home or passes. That sounds morbid and “cold” to even say but that’s jus the reality of the situation. It’s been mostly doable because as it stands, the entire upper floor is basically mine, so it’s really no different than renting an apartment anyways, but there’s things that are jus inseparable and draining about the situation.
I think the saddest part of this whole situation is that even tho it’s extremely depressing, the blow is somewhat softened by the fact that I knew it was only a matter of time before something serious happened, which is why it’s so depressing to watch and subject yourself to in the first place. I mean look, she’s 66 and like anybody, you get up there in age and you face more and more health problems and scares, but living like that is doing nothing but fast forwarding the process by about 25 years smh.
Im sorry to hear you're going through this. Im honestly surprised, especially after you developed cancer, that she doesnt smoke outside. Hell even making that part of the process can cut down on the chain smoking because of the inconvienence of needing to go outside to smoke. I hope surgery is successful and she makes a recovery and starts cutting back.
But yes, my point exactly. I have a solid core door on the studio, a draft stopper at the bottom, plus double mosquito nets and a purifier running 24/7 in the studio now (Other than when recording cause it gets picked up.) so I’m sure the damage is minimal if at all at this point because nothing is ever smoked directly upstairs, but still.
Really hope your momm recovers well erik. My dad's health shit has been going.on for about a year and when you don't have siblings to help support the situation it can be tough.
You beat cancer though. You're resilient. Keep your head up.
The heavy smokers can be hardcore about it. My grandma was on an oxygen bottle and still smoked.