My grandma was who I was closest to in this world losing her was honestly harder than my dad but those were two very different experiences thanks to his Lewy body dementia.
I still struggle with missing her because I would call her every day on my way home from work to talk sports and everything else.
Don’t feel guilty there’s no way you could know you’re doing right by making sure you’re there now just cherish every bit of time no matter how much or how little. Keep the memories happy
You tryin to be a hero fool? You wanna see badass mother fucker?! I'll show ya a badass!!!
I appreciate that so much and my god that sounds so awful, I'm sorry she had to go through that.
Yeah the funny thing is she hates it when people sacrifice their time to care for her, she was always the one watching out for everyone else. She even got annoyed when I told her I took tomorrow off work lol
I went to a show/my company work party the day she died. I was going to cancel, but my mom said "she would have wanted you to go out. She was all about having fun". So I went
You’re not alone man. I’m sorry you have to go through it. My grandma (dads mom) was my bestie. When everyone else in the family was talking shit or making up rumors because I’ve always kinda been a black sheep, she had my back. That was my #1 fan and my family was/is not big on supporting any kind of “dream” gig, so me wanting to do comedy or voice acting or stuff was always just shit on. She knew absolute zero about it but the way she would ask about it was as if she was my manager lmao her watching my stupid videos always made me smile ear to ear. She took a horrible turn and when she finally went she didn’t even know my name. I spent every moment I could with her but if I had a show or something I always went. Funnily enough, my parents and uncles and shit would shit on me but I’d always smile knowing that if she was able, even sick, she’d tell ‘em to stuff it. Spend what you can with her while she’s here but putting your life on hold would make her miserable. When she did go, I had just finished doing what, at the time, was the best received set I’ve ever done. I felt guilty forever but whenever I visit her grave I swear to you I get this weird fucking feeling that she’s glad I went. Make sure she knows you love her. That’s all you Gotta do. And if you need to reach out and call or whatever dude just send a message I’ll listen and talk it out with ya, sincerely.
I appreciate all the kind words from everyone, honestly feels good to just type that all out. Nice reminder that a lot of people can relate to what I'm going through. I'm holding up fairly well though, it's just an uncomfortable period right now where everything is in flux. Not that I can do anything about it so I've just made sure to be around her and other family members a lot.
That’s the best you can do is just soak up whatever time you have left with her. If she is still lucid just talk and ask about her life, ask about whatever happy memories she has of her childhood or what all the deep dark family secrets are. She knows some shit lol. I wish I would have taken the opportunity to have a few more chats with my grandma before she passed.
Man. I hate to bitch about it but I don't really have anywhere else to go with this.
But man I am once again dealing with my dad going to the hospital because his body can't handle him drinking.
He called me today and basically sounded like he was dying. Said he threw up really hard yesterday and couldn't even keep water down today.
I told him he had to call an ambulance immediately. I should have just done it for him because I tried calling him like 20 minutes later to no answer. I finally got a hold of him and he was on the way to the hospital thankfully. (I'd normally just go over there, but I live an hour away)
I envy people so much who have good relationships with their parents. Every single time I talk to mine they need something from me. I know this sounds selfish af without the life backstory, but I just really don't want to deal with this.
Like I'm angry and bitter and just wanted my day to chill and relax, and I feel like every time I get a call from them it's some kind of burden on me.
This is pretty sad, but as I was sitting here debating calling an ambulance and all I could think about is if they showed up and he was dead I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I could grieve and move on.
I know that's a terrible thing to say. It makes me feel awful, but sometimes I just think it would be easier.
I just feel like I've spent the last 5-10 years trying to make my life happy, and out of poverty. I'm finally starting to get ahead, but it just feel like people who can't take care of themselves just always keep trying to pull me back down. Like I literally talk to no family members other than my parents, and it's still always bullshit lol.
Anyways. I'm emotional and riffing, so hopefully no judgements. I just want some damn peace lol
I'll be okay. I've just always really wanted to be close with my dad. I've never had someone to go to for advice.
I think I'm just kind of coming to a realization that that's all I've ever wanted with my dad, and I'm never going to get it, and one day he's just going to be gone and all I'll have left are these thoughts.
Thanks guys. Sometimes you just gotta type things out to make yourself feel better. I suck at holding emotions in so this type of stuff helps.
Just called up to the hospital and talked to the nurse. She was basically like yeah he's pretty sick but he will be okay. Sounds like he has another stomach ulser.
I'm so sorry Rex, I can't even imagine what that's like.
My mother didn't have the kind of relationship with her parents that she would've liked. My grandpa was a prick, he would smack the shit out of his kids and was very obviously partial to her three brothers. He never wanted a daughter, and she is still bothered by this even ten years after his death.
She's not at all like him though and I'm so thankful for that. I'm sorry you don't have a positive father figure, but I'm glad that you can be one for your kids.
Rex don't feel bad about how you feel or the thoughts you have. The brain is a crazy fucking thing, it'll think all kinds of shit to try and cope.
I have a similar relationship with my mom that you do with your dad and I know it can be fucking exhausting. Find your peace for the sake of yourself and your family but don't guilt trip yourself on what it takes to get there
Never been lower. Im depressed, exhausted, burnt out. Nothing is enjoyable to me. My passion for music is gone. Im constantly stressing about money. I have almost no time to game anymore. Cant get to the gym like I want to.
I tried to tell you. And I’m not even using this as an “I told you so.” moment but I verbatim said to save yourself while you can. That type of lifestyle is not meant for anybody and all it does is break you down and burn you out. We are not here to slave 24/7/365.
Hadnt noticed this thread before, and prob not the right place, but just went over to hook up with a chick that I used to fuck in college, and I couldn't stay hard through it. Eventually threw in the towel, talked a bit, and bounced. I know it's not anything physical cuz I have no problem getting hard 99% of the time, but it came up a few times with the girl I dated for a bit after breaking up with the fiancee too.
It's been over a year since me and the fiancee split up, I'm not holding a torch for her or have ANY desire to get back together, and I don't fantasize about her or anything when jerking off. I have no idea why it still feels like I'm fucking cheating or something when hooking up with someone else
You had feelings in your prior relationship and hooking up without them seems to be throwing you off your game. Your body and mind might still crave that deeper connection. Its not necessarily a bad thing either. You’re still recovering.
Hadnt noticed this thread before, and prob not the right place, but just went over to hook up with a chick that I used to fuck in college, and I couldn't stay hard through it. Eventually threw in the towel, talked a bit, and bounced. I know it's not anything physical cuz I have no problem getting hard 99% of the time, but it came up a few times with the girl I dated for a bit after breaking up with the fiancee too.
It's been over a year since me and the fiancee split up, I'm not holding a torch for her or have ANY desire to get back together, and I don't fantasize about her or anything when jerking off. I have no idea why it still feels like I'm fucking cheating or something when hooking up with someone else
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But man I am once again dealing with my dad going to the hospital because his body can't handle him drinking.
He called me today and basically sounded like he was dying. Said he threw up really hard yesterday and couldn't even keep water down today.
I told him he had to call an ambulance immediately. I should have just done it for him because I tried calling him like 20 minutes later to no answer. I finally got a hold of him and he was on the way to the hospital thankfully. (I'd normally just go over there, but I live an hour away)
I envy people so much who have good relationships with their parents. Every single time I talk to mine they need something from me. I know this sounds selfish af without the life backstory, but I just really don't want to deal with this.
Like I'm angry and bitter and just wanted my day to chill and relax, and I feel like every time I get a call from them it's some kind of burden on me.
This is pretty sad, but as I was sitting here debating calling an ambulance and all I could think about is if they showed up and he was dead I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. I could grieve and move on.
I know that's a terrible thing to say. It makes me feel awful, but sometimes I just think it would be easier.
I just feel like I've spent the last 5-10 years trying to make my life happy, and out of poverty. I'm finally starting to get ahead, but it just feel like people who can't take care of themselves just always keep trying to pull me back down. Like I literally talk to no family members other than my parents, and it's still always bullshit lol.
Anyways. I'm emotional and riffing, so hopefully no judgements. I just want some damn peace lol
I'll be okay. I've just always really wanted to be close with my dad. I've never had someone to go to for advice.
I think I'm just kind of coming to a realization that that's all I've ever wanted with my dad, and I'm never going to get it, and one day he's just going to be gone and all I'll have left are these thoughts.
Just called up to the hospital and talked to the nurse. She was basically like yeah he's pretty sick but he will be okay. Sounds like he has another stomach ulser.
My mother didn't have the kind of relationship with her parents that she would've liked. My grandpa was a prick, he would smack the shit out of his kids and was very obviously partial to her three brothers. He never wanted a daughter, and she is still bothered by this even ten years after his death.
She's not at all like him though and I'm so thankful for that. I'm sorry you don't have a positive father figure, but I'm glad that you can be one for your kids.
I have a similar relationship with my mom that you do with your dad and I know it can be fucking exhausting. Find your peace for the sake of yourself and your family but don't guilt trip yourself on what it takes to get there
This isnt sustainable.
It's been over a year since me and the fiancee split up, I'm not holding a torch for her or have ANY desire to get back together, and I don't fantasize about her or anything when jerking off. I have no idea why it still feels like I'm fucking cheating or something when hooking up with someone else