I've been depressed and gloomy many times during my life, but I've never once considered doing something like that. I realize that I'm very lucky with what I have and that I have many reasons to love my life.
... I've always had anxiety issues, butt the absolute worse time in my life was going through alcohol withdraw.... I was dealing with something called DT's... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delerium_tremens
It was bad, real bad... some of my symptoms were shakes, hallucinations, fever, high blood pressure, fast heart rate, nausea(my stomach was soo fucked up), couldnt eat, couldt sleep, sweats, real bad head pain, I was in the hospital 6 times throughout the fist 3 months of the withdraw. luckily they gave me medication to help me through the withdraw, but all it did was help a tiny bit with my anxiety. it was basically an anti-seizure medication cause I was at high risk of having an alcohol induced seizure. all my other symptoms were there for a while. and these symptoms lasted for months and slowly they dies down one after the other. Hallucinations and nausea left me after about a week, then slowly the others went too with anxiety sricking to me the longest. All togeth I would say it tooke about 6-9 months for me to almost feel 100% back to normal. I still deal with some anxiety, but it's not blood curddling making me bed sick for days anymore.
If anyone is every going through bad alcohol withdraw, and I'm not talking about just a hangover, if youre withdrawing, you'll know.... please dont fuck around wiith your life, just go to the hospital, they can help you and give you medications so you donnot have seizures and serious health risks like heart attacks/strokes. Just go to the hospital it may save your life, I'm pretty sure if I didnt go to the hospital, I would have had some serious health problems and might be dead. right before i went to the hospital the 1st time i checked my heart beats per minute, it's supposed to be between 60-80 for normal resting time, my shit was 180, I know the hospital saved my ass. The DR said I would have probably had seizures if I would have waited any longer to go. so if youre dealing with this shit, don't risk it, just go get yourself checked out.
My point in telling this story is even though I went through months of pain and suffering, and yes I do know I coused it myself, but it doesnt take away how awful it was, I never wanted to kill myself, doesnt mean the thought didn't cross my mind, but it was never a legitimate option. I thought a few times, this would be better if I was dead, but I owed it to myself and my family to stick tight and make it through this shit, and I did. I am very proud of myself for getting through all that shit without drinking cause all I would of had to do through those months was pick up a drink and I would have felt instantly better for the short term, but in the long run it would have only made it worse. some days i thought this shit was never gonna end, but I stuvk to it and today I feel great. I'm so happy today.
For me, it's still a long journey and I am still dealing with some issues, some anxiety and shit like that and also I crave alcohol sometimes, its hard. but I feel so much better than I did months ago. I'm healthy now, all my bloodwork was good, blood pressure is normal, I lost 50lbs and am still losing, I didnt do any significant damage to my health. and I do more fun things like spend time with my fiance and go to more shows. It is worth all the shit i went through. I really believe asomething like this made me stronger in the long road. I still have more work to do and more shit to overcome, but I really believe being sober, fo me is the best thing in my life and if anyone else feels like substances are destroying evrything about themselves, you should prolly quit to, its worth it.
The reason I shared this very personal information with yallz is just in case anyone else is dealing with a similar issue and wants to get sober or is dealing with anything likt that. You can do it no matter how tough it gets, stay strong and eventually you'll make it through the tough times. Go get some help, all you have to do is show desire to change and people will help you. Same goes for people with mental health issues, if you don't feel right, don't try to fight it, go to a Dr. and try to get yourself straightened out everyone is worth more then these issues, we can change and get better. I hope this will help someone out or at least give someone some knowledge about this shit. Good luck peoples!
This is gonna get me bashed beyond belief, but fuck it.
I have been so low at rock bottom before that I've had suicidal thoughts, I'm fine now though. But I never used to have sympathy for suicide, however, I do now. There's nothing more torturous and miserable than being in that state of mind to even THINK about it or consider it, I can't imagine how much lower you have to be to actually go through with it. Sure it's selfish, but some people get pushed over the edge and just can't take it. After going through such a deep depression and it taking so fucking long to fight through, I wish that kind of pain on no one.
this is very true. when people are in that much pain to kill themselves they're in way too much pain to care about what effects it would have on family and friends.
"That's another thing I love about metal, it's so fuckin' huge yet certain people don't even know it exists." - Rob Zombie
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
In a different situation, my aun'ts boyfriend's mom killed herself with a shotgun when he was like 18 or something. The worst part is she waited until he got home, called him into her room and did it right in front of him.
Fucked up bitch.
that is so fucked up. Please don't quote what I am about to say if you respond to this.
The loved one I lost, had done the opposite. Cleaned the entire house such that it looked like no one lived there. Spackled, painted, steam cleaned everything, boxed up everything, put the dogs down "because they were sick (this was a lie)", cleaned the car, even bought a fucking new pine tree for the car. wrote notes, and sent one to their sister. Went into the gararge and surrounded themselves with pictures of my kids, and then shot themself. It is funny that they went though so much trouble to not be a burden, yet they lay the biggest fucking whopper on everyone that cared.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
people who say that people take the pussy way out dont understand real depression. its a DISEASE people
Yes. most of the time it is something that can be corrected with medication. Sometimes people might have the willpower to do it on their own accord, but being depressed is having a chemical imbalance
people who say that people take the pussy way out dont understand real depression. its a DISEASE people
Yes. most of the time it is something that can be corrected with medication. Sometimes people might have the willpower to do it on their own accord, but being depressed is having a chemical imbalance
i dont blame a chemical imbalance for depression. i think its the other way around, depression causes a chemical imbalance.
"That's another thing I love about metal, it's so fuckin' huge yet certain people don't even know it exists." - Rob Zombie
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
people who say that people take the pussy way out dont understand real depression. its a DISEASE people
i agree with that people don't understand real depression when they say that but i disagree that its a disease. it can be cured without medicine.
A disease is an abnormal condition affecting the body. There is nothing in the definition that says that the body can't cure itself of the disease. I agree with you that it can be cured without meds, but if the people doesnt have the will power to allow the body naturally heal the imbalance, then meds can help them cure it faster.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
i dont blame a chemical imbalance for depression. i think its the other way around, depression causes a chemical imbalance.
Maybe. But does it matter? Chicken and egg, right? Regardless of what came first, there are meds that can help get the body back to a more healthy state. I am not claiming one can't do it on their own, but jesus if it is getting close to suicide... GET FUCKING HELP.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
This is such a gay story I am about to tell. I very much hate telling this story because when I look back I think it is just mostly a drug induced story. and I feel like such a fag for ever getting this way... but...
When I was 16-17, I was highly depressed. I talked to no one. people would have conversations with me and I would just give them a blank stare and walk away. I'd sit home every night playing with my revolver, clicking it in my mouth, and visualizing what it would be like.... I did this for weeks, maybe a month. There came a night when I felt it was either "shit or get off the pot". I smoked a few bowls, took a couple tabs, and finished the last of my Vicodin. I sat there for a few minutes to wait for the meds to kick in and loaded the gun with one empty slot, spun and fired... At that moment I thought it was over. I thought the gun had fired, I felt that blood was running out of my mouth, and I don't remember much visually after that... I had this really kind of fucked up dream that I thought was real at the time... but when I woke several hours later I was tripping out. The gun trigger was down, there was a bullet in the chamber, and something right then and there snapped in me and I was just "this is so fucked. I'm better then this". It was kinda a changing point in my life.
I should have asked for help with my depression. It should have never come to what I was doing.... I was lucky that I was able to snap out of it before I really hurt myself. So what happened that night? IDK.. probably just some drug induced dream, but it was enough for a wake up call.
Depression hurts. When you are at this point, you dont want help and you think that no one is going to care one way of the other. You don't, so why would others? I wasnt crying for help... I had given up, and no longer cared. None of my family knew I had a gun and was so suicidal. You have to look for signs because the people that really are at an end? they probably arent going to tell you. But if you are there just say something. to anyone. ask for help.
thats quite a story, it really shows you how many lives are affected daily with depression. i would never think that so many people on here would have those kinda thoughts, its scary a little.
This is such a gay story I am about to tell. I very much hate telling this story because when I look back I think it is just mostly a drug induced story. and I feel like such a fag for ever getting this way... but...
When I was 16-17, I was highly depressed. I talked to no one. people would have conversations with me and I would just give them a blank stare and walk away. I'd sit home every night playing with my revolver, clicking it in my mouth, and visualizing what it would be like.... I did this for weeks, maybe a month. There came a night when I felt it was either "shit or get off the pot". I smoked a few bowls, took a couple tabs, and finished the last of my Vicodin. I sat there for a few minutes to wait for the meds to kick in and loaded the gun with one empty slot, spun and fired... At that moment I thought it was over. I thought the gun had fired, I felt that blood was running out of my mouth, and I don't remember much visually after that... I had this really kind of fucked up dream that I thought was real at the time... but when I woke several hours later I was tripping out. The gun trigger was down, there was a bullet in the chamber, and something right then and there snapped in me and I was just "this is so fucked. I'm better then this". It was kinda a changing point in my life.
I should have asked for help with my depression. It should have never come to what I was doing.... I was lucky that I was able to snap out of it before I really hurt myself. So what happened that night? IDK.. probably just some drug induced dream, but it was enough for a wake up call.
Depression hurts. When you are at this point, you dont want help and you think that no one is going to care one way of the other. You don't, so why would others? I wasnt crying for help... I had given up, and no longer cared. None of my family knew I had a gun and was so suicidal. You have to look for signs because the people that really are at an end? they probably arent going to tell you. But if you are there just say something. to anyone. ask for help.
thats the exact thinking i think most people have when their hurtin' that bad. i was the same way. i never asked for help. i never said a word to anyone about how bad i was hurting. no one had a clue that something was wrong, i hid it very well. up until i hit my bottom, only one person could tell something wasn't right, that i know of anyway. i was hurting so bad i didnt give a fuck about hurting people if i killed myself, i was in too much pain to care. to be completely honest, i've always believed in god and that there is a heaven and a hell my whole life. and one of the only reasons why i never killed myself was because i was terrified that i would go to hell if i did. if i didn't believe in that stuff, who knows what would've happened. at the time, i wasnt too religious in the sense that i never gave it much thought, but i still believed. im more religious now then i was before. im over all that crap now though, i've never been this happy in my whole life.
"That's another thing I love about metal, it's so fuckin' huge yet certain people don't even know it exists." - Rob Zombie
This is such a gay story I am about to tell. I very much hate telling this story because when I look back I think it is just mostly a drug induced story. and I feel like such a fag for ever getting this way... but...
When I was 16-17, I was highly depressed. I talked to no one. people would have conversations with me and I would just give them a blank stare and walk away. I'd sit home every night playing with my revolver, clicking it in my mouth, and visualizing what it would be like.... I did this for weeks, maybe a month. There came a night when I felt it was either "shit or get off the pot". I smoked a few bowls, took a couple tabs, and finished the last of my Vicodin. I sat there for a few minutes to wait for the meds to kick in and loaded the gun with one empty slot, spun and fired... At that moment I thought it was over. I thought the gun had fired, I felt that blood was running out of my mouth, and I don't remember much visually after that... I had this really kind of fucked up dream that I thought was real at the time... but when I woke several hours later I was tripping out. The gun trigger was down, there was a bullet in the chamber, and something right then and there snapped in me and I was just "this is so fucked. I'm better then this". It was kinda a changing point in my life.
I should have asked for help with my depression. It should have never come to what I was doing.... I was lucky that I was able to snap out of it before I really hurt myself. So what happened that night? IDK.. probably just some drug induced dream, but it was enough for a wake up call.
Depression hurts. When you are at this point, you dont want help and you think that no one is going to care one way of the other. You don't, so why would others? I wasnt crying for help... I had given up, and no longer cared. None of my family knew I had a gun and was so suicidal. You have to look for signs because the people that really are at an end? they probably arent going to tell you. But if you are there just say something. to anyone. ask for help.
this is what i was doing to myself just with alcohol instead like the story I told above. I used to drink soo much I would black out and wouldnt be able to function, everyday for years. I would start drinking fomr like noon till 2-3am regularly. I later found out through therapy that I was dealing with other issues including axiety and alcohol was my way of coping with it. With alcohol I was basically killing myself, just more slow. I have no doubt in my mind that if I were to continue drinking at the rate I was I'd be dead in a matter of a few years. we all can get better and I see alot of that from peoples personal stories on this page. I hope my story I told up top on this page and the other things I say that have changed my life may one day give someone else hope that they can change and live a better life.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
thats the exact thinking i think most people have when their hurtin' that bad. i was the same way. i never asked for help. i never said a word to anyone about how bad i was hurting. no one had a clue that something was wrong, i hid it very well. up until i hit my bottom, only one person could tell something wasn't right, that i know of anyway. i was hurting so bad i didnt give a fuck about hurting people if i killed myself, i was in too much pain to care. to be completely honest, i've always believed in god and that there is a heaven and a hell my whole life. and one of the only reasons why i never killed myself was because i was terrified that i would go to hell if i did. if i didn't believe in that stuff, who knows what would've happened. at the time, i wasnt too religious in the sense that i never gave it much thought, but i still believed. im more religious now then i was before. im over all that crap now though, i've never been this happy in my whole life.
It is funny you mention religion, because when I said "I had this really kind of fucked up dream that I thought was real at the time", the truth is I had this experience that was so real and vivid that when I woke I thought I had a direct experience with God. That is one of the main reasons why I hate the story so much because I am as atheist as you can get right now.... but at the time it really was a profound experience. (that looking back I now believe to be the work of drugs).
my religion had a lot to do with what got me through it to be honest.
hey man, whatever works for you. I am a believer in do whatever makes your life better and makes yourslef happy. If someone is a religious person and it makes their lives better, good for them. I donnot judge.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
for shits and giggles.... It's okay to laugh at this because I think it is funny.
So after I pulled the trigger and thought I heard the explosion and the blood pouring out of my mouth (it was a .38, you dont live from that round) everything went black... and I felt as if I was floating into this warmth. There was no shape, and nothing visual, and really nothing to give me any indication that I was moving into something... But I felt it... I felt warmth, like I was leaving something.... And I came to this being or person except they had no shape it was just a presence that I felt. And they reached out their hand for me and I reached out for them and it was like our finger tips met but I couldnt make a grip... and at that point I started falling. It was the longest falling dream I have ever had and as it seemed like I was falling for minutes... and I awoke to the crashing of thunder outside. It was several hours after I had shot myself. Had I pulled the trigger? There was a mark on the rim.... I think I did, and I think it didnt go off.
Anyways, really gay story I know. I was pretty high that night, and I am sure it was just the drugs... but really this gay story severed as a wake up call I needed. Because honestly, I wasnt going to ask for help. Of course no one ever shared stories with me like I am with the board. I dont know if that would have even made a difference had someone, but what I do know is that if you are in this spot.... You need to know and believe that others have been there too. Life can get a whole lot better and people do love you.
Comments
... I've always had anxiety issues, butt the absolute worse time in my life was going through alcohol withdraw.... I was dealing with something called DT's... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delerium_tremens
It was bad, real bad... some of my symptoms were shakes, hallucinations, fever, high blood pressure, fast heart rate, nausea(my stomach was soo fucked up), couldnt eat, couldt sleep, sweats, real bad head pain, I was in the hospital 6 times throughout the fist 3 months of the withdraw. luckily they gave me medication to help me through the withdraw, but all it did was help a tiny bit with my anxiety. it was basically an anti-seizure medication cause I was at high risk of having an alcohol induced seizure. all my other symptoms were there for a while. and these symptoms lasted for months and slowly they dies down one after the other. Hallucinations and nausea left me after about a week, then slowly the others went too with anxiety sricking to me the longest. All togeth I would say it tooke about 6-9 months for me to almost feel 100% back to normal. I still deal with some anxiety, but it's not blood curddling making me bed sick for days anymore.
If anyone is every going through bad alcohol withdraw, and I'm not talking about just a hangover, if youre withdrawing, you'll know.... please dont fuck around wiith your life, just go to the hospital, they can help you and give you medications so you donnot have seizures and serious health risks like heart attacks/strokes. Just go to the hospital it may save your life, I'm pretty sure if I didnt go to the hospital, I would have had some serious health problems and might be dead. right before i went to the hospital the 1st time i checked my heart beats per minute, it's supposed to be between 60-80 for normal resting time, my shit was 180, I know the hospital saved my ass. The DR said I would have probably had seizures if I would have waited any longer to go. so if youre dealing with this shit, don't risk it, just go get yourself checked out.
My point in telling this story is even though I went through months of pain and suffering, and yes I do know I coused it myself, but it doesnt take away how awful it was, I never wanted to kill myself, doesnt mean the thought didn't cross my mind, but it was never a legitimate option. I thought a few times, this would be better if I was dead, but I owed it to myself and my family to stick tight and make it through this shit, and I did. I am very proud of myself for getting through all that shit without drinking cause all I would of had to do through those months was pick up a drink and I would have felt instantly better for the short term, but in the long run it would have only made it worse. some days i thought this shit was never gonna end, but I stuvk to it and today I feel great. I'm so happy today.
For me, it's still a long journey and I am still dealing with some issues, some anxiety and shit like that and also I crave alcohol sometimes, its hard. but I feel so much better than I did months ago. I'm healthy now, all my bloodwork was good, blood pressure is normal, I lost 50lbs and am still losing, I didnt do any significant damage to my health. and I do more fun things like spend time with my fiance and go to more shows. It is worth all the shit i went through. I really believe asomething like this made me stronger in the long road. I still have more work to do and more shit to overcome, but I really believe being sober, fo me is the best thing in my life and if anyone else feels like substances are destroying evrything about themselves, you should prolly quit to, its worth it.
The reason I shared this very personal information with yallz is just in case anyone else is dealing with a similar issue and wants to get sober or is dealing with anything likt that. You can do it no matter how tough it gets, stay strong and eventually you'll make it through the tough times. Go get some help, all you have to do is show desire to change and people will help you. Same goes for people with mental health issues, if you don't feel right, don't try to fight it, go to a Dr. and try to get yourself straightened out everyone is worth more then these issues, we can change and get better. I hope this will help someone out or at least give someone some knowledge about this shit. Good luck peoples!
EDIT: I wanted to edit my post and accidentally quoted it instead.
The loved one I lost, had done the opposite. Cleaned the entire house such that it looked like no one lived there. Spackled, painted, steam cleaned everything, boxed up everything, put the dogs down "because they were sick (this was a lie)", cleaned the car, even bought a fucking new pine tree for the car. wrote notes, and sent one to their sister. Went into the gararge and surrounded themselves with pictures of my kids, and then shot themself. It is funny that they went though so much trouble to not be a burden, yet they lay the biggest fucking whopper on everyone that cared.
When I was 16-17, I was highly depressed. I talked to no one. people would have conversations with me and I would just give them a blank stare and walk away. I'd sit home every night playing with my revolver, clicking it in my mouth, and visualizing what it would be like.... I did this for weeks, maybe a month. There came a night when I felt it was either "shit or get off the pot". I smoked a few bowls, took a couple tabs, and finished the last of my Vicodin. I sat there for a few minutes to wait for the meds to kick in and loaded the gun with one empty slot, spun and fired... At that moment I thought it was over. I thought the gun had fired, I felt that blood was running out of my mouth, and I don't remember much visually after that... I had this really kind of fucked up dream that I thought was real at the time... but when I woke several hours later I was tripping out. The gun trigger was down, there was a bullet in the chamber, and something right then and there snapped in me and I was just "this is so fucked. I'm better then this". It was kinda a changing point in my life.
I should have asked for help with my depression. It should have never come to what I was doing.... I was lucky that I was able to snap out of it before I really hurt myself. So what happened that night? IDK.. probably just some drug induced dream, but it was enough for a wake up call.
Depression hurts. When you are at this point, you dont want help and you think that no one is going to care one way of the other. You don't, so why would others? I wasnt crying for help... I had given up, and no longer cared. None of my family knew I had a gun and was so suicidal. You have to look for signs because the people that really are at an end? they probably arent going to tell you. But if you are there just say something. to anyone. ask for help.
So after I pulled the trigger and thought I heard the explosion and the blood pouring out of my mouth (it was a .38, you dont live from that round) everything went black... and I felt as if I was floating into this warmth. There was no shape, and nothing visual, and really nothing to give me any indication that I was moving into something... But I felt it... I felt warmth, like I was leaving something.... And I came to this being or person except they had no shape it was just a presence that I felt. And they reached out their hand for me and I reached out for them and it was like our finger tips met but I couldnt make a grip... and at that point I started falling. It was the longest falling dream I have ever had and as it seemed like I was falling for minutes... and I awoke to the crashing of thunder outside. It was several hours after I had shot myself. Had I pulled the trigger? There was a mark on the rim.... I think I did, and I think it didnt go off.
Anyways, really gay story I know. I was pretty high that night, and I am sure it was just the drugs... but really this gay story severed as a wake up call I needed. Because honestly, I wasnt going to ask for help. Of course no one ever shared stories with me like I am with the board. I dont know if that would have even made a difference had someone, but what I do know is that if you are in this spot.... You need to know and believe that others have been there too. Life can get a whole lot better and people do love you.