Post your favorite quotes that someone said something you said or something you overheard today

Necrothulhu

"That could only happen if women fart....they don't"

1D_for_life

One of the people that was helping me train today at OfficeMax is black and she was checking out this elderly couple at the register. The old man asked where she was from and she said "I'm originally from Virginia, but I moved to this area a while ago." The old man replied,"Oh, I thought you were foreign like you were from Nigeria or Kenya."

Gazorpazorpfield

"Dude. Mikes Hard Lemonade is my new favorite beer"

SkullAndCrossbones

) ) )

sbs_will

XD

Necrothulhu

" you just cut a kid out of me, and you're giving me ibuprofen and Tylenol? This has to be a joke..."

sbs_will

<_______________>

SkullAndCrossbones

I can't even read that... the spelling and grammar is so horrible.

he's bragging about wearing eyeliner made by one of the guys from fallout boy

SkullAndCrossbones

then why did you lie about not being able to read it? :-?

SkullAndCrossbones

:-??

sbs_will

It gave me a headache. It's like trying to decipher Algebra in hieroglyphs.

sbs_will

My friend today who has gotten his girlfriend pregnant twice, upon being asked what brand of condom he uses:

"Once you go no condoms, you never go back!"

Gnomez

Obviously the pull out before you blow method isn't working for him

sbs_will

No, clearly not. You'd think he would have learned after dodging two bullets.

SkullAndCrossbones

ran into a friend today and i brought up the topic of another friend of ours who's in jail and has been for like the last 6 or 7 years. he didn't have any kids before he went to jail.


Me: You talk to Kirchner (our friend in jail) lately?
Him: Funny you should mention him, he just sent me a friend request on facebook.
Me: How's he doing?
Him: He said he's doing really good. He has a kid now.
Me: How!? He's been in jail for like the last 6 years.
Him: Ummmm....he was on the run for a while. I guess he found time to knock someone up.

TiradesOfTruth

lmao

Gazorpazorpfield

My friend today who has gotten his girlfriend pregnant twice

No, clearly not. You'd think he would have learned after dodging two bullets.

What kind of bullet can't be a coat hangar?

sbs_will

Me at the gas station talking to the guy I know who works there, some other guy walks in.

Me: "So yeah, this Powerman 5000 concert coming up in september is only $15!

My friend: "Yeah dude, I might have to check that out. That sounds like a great deal."

Random Guy: "I only know one Powerman song! It's that one that goes like...uh...you know...'Is she all right? is she insane? dun dun dun dun dun dun dun' you know?"

Me: "Uh, I think you're thinking of The Game by Disturbed, dude."

Random guy: "Oh. Okay, I guess I don't know any Powerman 5000 songs, than."

Beforethedawn206

Walking by my parents bedroom at eleven, their lights are out and their giggling. I hear my step mom say::

"If you shove it up it's ass, he becomes a pillow." %-(

sbs_will

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