Josh: You threw my fucking keys in the ditch! Me: Allegedly threw your keys in the ditch. Mike: I saw you with my own two fucking eyes throw the keys in the ditch. Me: Allegedly saw me throw the keys in the ditch.
Our dog Josie killed one of the neighbor's chickens today. I took a picture to send to my dad and to Jacob just because I thought it was kind of funny...anywho, this is the conversation my mom and I had:
Me: Wait! Don't throw it in the woods yet! Let me take a picture! Momma: Why in the hell do you want a picture of a dead chicken? Me: It's funny! To send to Daddy and Jacob.
...(after we are back inside)
Me: I sent Jacob the picture and told him that our dog killed the neighbor's chicken. I wonder what he'll find more shocking: the fact that the dog killed the chicken or the fact that our neighbors have chickens roaming the yard. Momma: bless his heart, he just don't know...
--
Maybe it was a "you had to be there" moment, but I thought it was funny. =P
Lol and people think I live in the country. My friend is at bonnaroo right now, this is a convo we've had recently
Him: Scored and just dropped acid. YOLO Me: Sweet, how'd you get it...and how'd it go? Him: Asked a dude if he had weed or shrooms, but then he presented me with acid. I ended up dancing shirtless onstage at the comedy tent.
The venue the show was at last night is just a few miles from Sky Harbor Intl., so planes fly over constantly. During Gaza's set, Jon (their vocalist) is giving a speech, looks up, and goes "Oh wait wait wait... we arranged for a flyover! Looks like a B52." *they all salute* )
Today, I was at the supermarket getting all my food for P90X, and this little kid sitting in the cart looked at me and was like:
"Daddy! Ooh that's so cool, he has the green jersey, green shoes, and the green hat! OH and the gold on the shoes matches his pants! I want all that Daddy!"
Dad just looked at me and laughed and said "We'll see.". And then the kid was like "You're so cool!" as I was walking away ahahaha.
Solider 1: "No the boy can't come with us." Solider 2: "Well anyone here know how to work an elephant?" Solider 3: "I was in love with a fat woman once. She never listen to me though..."
I forget how, but when I was chillin' with my buddies, the question "What's the most awkward moment you can think of?" came up and one of my friends came up with a rapist who can't get it up or pre-mature ejaculates.
Comments
Me: Allegedly threw your keys in the ditch.
Mike: I saw you with my own two fucking eyes throw the keys in the ditch.
Me: Allegedly saw me throw the keys in the ditch.
swipe my card ....and Yea i am over 18
me: every guys favorite words
Gunna get it in?
Me: Wait! Don't throw it in the woods yet! Let me take a picture!
Momma: Why in the hell do you want a picture of a dead chicken?
Me: It's funny! To send to Daddy and Jacob.
...(after we are back inside)
Me: I sent Jacob the picture and told him that our dog killed the neighbor's chicken. I wonder what he'll find more shocking: the fact that the dog killed the chicken or the fact that our neighbors have chickens roaming the yard.
Momma: bless his heart, he just don't know...
--
Maybe it was a "you had to be there" moment, but I thought it was funny. =P
My friend is at bonnaroo right now, this is a convo we've had recently
Him: Scored and just dropped acid. YOLO
Me: Sweet, how'd you get it...and how'd it go?
Him: Asked a dude if he had weed or shrooms, but then he presented me with acid. I ended up dancing shirtless onstage at the comedy tent.
Today, I was at the supermarket getting all my food for P90X, and this little kid sitting in the cart looked at me and was like:
"Daddy! Ooh that's so cool, he has the green jersey, green shoes, and the green hat! OH and the gold on the shoes matches his pants! I want all that Daddy!"
Dad just looked at me and laughed and said "We'll see.". And then the kid was like "You're so cool!" as I was walking away ahahaha.
I'm all for having your own opinion, but wheeww.....yikes
Guy: "I'm developing a new condom. It goes over your balls, too. I don't want my balls touching some nasty ass juices."
kid: "Mommy mommy mommy look look! Hulk footprints!"
mom (right in his face): "I'M NOT FUCKING BLIND, DANIEL!"
I had to hide behind an aisle and lean over I was laughing so fucking hard.
Solider 2: "Well anyone here know how to work an elephant?"
Solider 3: "I was in love with a fat woman once. She never listen to me though..."