Open my phone and I have a missed call. Call them back some automated voice-mail or company.
Me: I missed a call from this number? Dude: huh? Me: Somebody from called me. From this number. Dude: *very confidently* I don't think so Me: nah you definitely called me. If it's a wrong number it is what it is but don't talk to me like I'm some jackass that can't work a phone.
"I'm a professional rescuer. I'm trained to save lives. Instead my job is spent telling 6 year olds to stop beating each other with pool noodles because their parents are ignoring them. I should drown them to teach a lesson."
Got blood work done today. Doctors offices and needles just don't jive with me in general so I'm trying to be cool as the doc is about to put the needle in. Trying to focus and breath and shit when my little brother decides to chime in with
"Hey Moe. Uhmm...you look like a Mexican." Naturally that threw me off and I twitched like a crack head when the needle went in.
"FUCK. I've been waiting for this chick to pick me up so we can go fuck on some country road and she sent me a text saying she was here 20 minutes ago"
...
"Cool she's still outside waiting. I told her I'd be out in a few minutes. You ever had sex on a country road? I haven't and I want to and she was down."
Roommate tweaked out on addy. Dude then goes and rambles with me about nonsense for another 10 minutes.
So this dude came back 20 minutes later. Definitely not enough time to run out to the country, fuck in any meaningful fashion, and come back. Ask him what's up and he says he forgot his weed and asked her to drive back. He then tries to addy ramble again before i tell him to get the fuck out. This chick has to look like a troll or desperately wants some dick.
In case it sounds like I'm exaggerating to be funny. Also, I'm knowing among my friends to provide a calming and reassuring hug when a trip starts turn
@TRUMP Sam Cohen opened for White Denim. I've seen his name a lot and usually associated with things I like but I never listened to him. His name also stuck out because of your friend. Anyway his set was great, but I was figuring normal band so after he went the entire set without saying their name, I go "who are you?"
"Oh yeah, I'm Sam Cohen......I'm not trying to be coy and answer you literally like 'im Sam and if you want to know the band's name, look it up after the show.' No, that's just what all of this is under"
Comments
Roommate: "My roommate and I talk about killing ourselves all the time."
Random girl: "Well it's different if you are joking about it."
Roommate: "I'm not sure if my roommate is joking... Sometimes, I'm not even sure if I'm joking..."
No problem good sir.
Me: I missed a call from this number?
Dude: huh?
Me: Somebody from called me. From this number.
Dude: *very confidently* I don't think so
Me: nah you definitely called me. If it's a wrong number it is what it is but don't talk to me like I'm some jackass that can't work a phone.
-Trevor
"Welcome to the age where certain people will actively find something to give themselves butthurt."
"Hey Moe. Uhmm...you look like a Mexican." Naturally that threw me off and I twitched like a crack head when the needle went in.
...
"Cool she's still outside waiting. I told her I'd be out in a few minutes. You ever had sex on a country road? I haven't and I want to and she was down."
Roommate tweaked out on addy. Dude then goes and rambles with me about nonsense for another 10 minutes.
In case it sounds like I'm exaggerating to be funny. Also, I'm knowing among my friends to provide a calming and reassuring hug when a trip starts turn
"You look like exactly the type of guy to do this"
Right in the shit hole, u dirty cunt!
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
"Oh yeah, I'm Sam Cohen......I'm not trying to be coy and answer you literally like 'im Sam and if you want to know the band's name, look it up after the show.' No, that's just what all of this is under"