Walked into work today and the first thing I see is two of the dudes I work with face to face about to fight. They're yelling back and forth and the one dude goes
"Nigga, you tryin to box?"
"Nah nigga I'm trying to sell. I gotta special on these hands, buy one get one free." Fucking )
"She left a note saying if the living room was clean she'd give me a blowjob. I immediatiely wrote it off because I figured I would get drunk and play gta but...I countered with i would fold the laundry for anal and she fucking took it"
Ended up talking to the neighbor across the hall for the first time while watching the moon last night. Her boyfriend is the cop I've talked about in a story before about a cop knocking on our door as the the hallway and apartment reeked of dank so nobody answered even though they insisted somebody was home. I wasn't home at the time...anyway
Roommate: hey you wouldn't know if your boyfriend knocked on our door about a year ago would you? We had a cop knock on our door and never really understood what happened because it he was out of his city.
"I'm thinking about leaving law. Don't take this the wrong way but you are the worst client I have ever had. I would easily trade you for two Mel Gibsons and a Tiger Woods"
We were having a little pre-Christmas party over at my buddy's apartment and one of the dudes there was being all grumpy and hiding in the corner avoiding everyone. I'm talking to him all subtly and shit trying to get him to party and my one buddy just walks by drunk as fuck and yells loud as hell at 3 in the morning
"Jesus died for your sins you faggot now come get drunk and repent" )
"I'm doing this thing where every time I wanna smoke weed, I'll do 15 push-ups. Then every time I want to masturbate, I'll do 30 sit-ups. In about a couple weeks I'll be ripped and high on self esteem"
I'm in a group text for a school project. We were talking about what to do. Then somebody asked for everyone to say their names. I replied with "Red Leader standing by".
^i overhead that from these two bikers outside of a gas station lol
I'm the only one that ever brings a bt speaker to work so I control the music whenever I'm closing or opening. I threw on new white denim the day I got it so I wasn't familiar with it yet. I'm in the middle of telling this dude his last tasks for the day and he stops me and goes "wow this is some serious baby making music"
Comments
> posts exactly what I said
"Nigga, you tryin to box?"
"Nah nigga I'm trying to sell. I gotta special on these hands, buy one get one free." Fucking
"She left a note saying if the living room was clean she'd give me a blowjob. I immediatiely wrote it off because I figured I would get drunk and play gta but...I countered with i would fold the laundry for anal and she fucking took it"
I just lost it taking a shit at work when I read that
Roommate: hey you wouldn't know if your boyfriend knocked on our door about a year ago would you? We had a cop knock on our door and never really understood what happened because it he was out of his city.
Her: I don't think so, what was it about?
Him: Being a cop
Her: did you guys answer?
Him: there was some paranoia going on at the time
Her: oooooooh
"I never turned my back on u when u fucked some old guy for money bitch! Now im the bad guy?"
Facebook is the best sometimes.
"Jesus died for your sins you faggot now come get drunk and repent"
I'm so cool.
I'm the only one that ever brings a bt speaker to work so I control the music whenever I'm closing or opening. I threw on new white denim the day I got it so I wasn't familiar with it yet. I'm in the middle of telling this dude his last tasks for the day and he stops me and goes "wow this is some serious baby making music"