I was at my friend's house today and her roommate Terri was calling some cable company.
*while on the phone with the employee*
Terri: *talking to her dog* don't be dragging that wiener around the house (referring to the hot dog she gave the dog) employee on phone: I can assure you we won't be doing any of that.
My son is learning to drive, and his anxiety is in overload right now, so I told him lastnight.
Me: Hey, want to go see Anthrax in April? Son: Yeah! Me: Well guess who's going to drive us? Younger son: Dad, he cant drive worth a crap, he almost killed me and grandpa! Son: He's right, I cant drive for shit! Me: You'll be good by then. Wife: Its a 2 hour drive. You taking your truck or ya'll riding with Rob? (my brother) Me: Nah, we're taking your car. Wife: Bull crap!! Me: Why not, we have insurance. Wife:
The day you need a gun and don't have one, may be your last.
My son is learning to drive, and his anxiety is in overload right now, so I told him lastnight.
Me: Hey, want to go see Anthrax in April? Son: Yeah! Me: Well guess who's going to drive us? Younger son: Dad, he cant drive worth a crap, he almost killed me and grandpa! Son: He's right, I cant drive for shit! Me: You'll be good by then. Wife: Its a 2 hour drive. You taking your truck or ya'll riding with Rob? (my brother) Me: Nah, we're taking your car. Wife: Bull crap!! Me: Why not, we have insurance. Wife:
I am going through the same thing right now. I got my wife a brand new kia sorrento and was teaching my son to drive on it. HE ALMOST PUT US THROUGH THE BRICK WALL @ STUARTS (It's a deli). I made him buy a car to learn on. Will not let him drive our car no more.
our dad taught us how to drive in the cemetary cuz everybody there is already dead and you cant kill them again.
as is tradition, our brother tried to teach his daughter there and she ran off the road and got a flat. while he taught her how to change a tire, they got locked in and had to climb the fence to get out.
I used to be really nervous while driving before getting my license, and ended up having to take my driving test 3 times because my nerves kept getting to me. Something about the whole "this is one of the most important moments of your life and you're being graded" aspect just kept making me fuck up. 3rd time was perfect doe and the guy even asked "so what happened the other times?"
TUPAC IS DEAD/THE LEGEND IS GONE/THEY SAYIN TUPAC'S BACK?/DEM NIGGAS WRONG
I have a Theatre Appreciation class, and the other day we were reading the script for The Marriage Proposal by Anton Chekov.
As we were going over the script, I saw this line:
LOMOV: I'm thinking of having a go at the blackcock, honoured Natalya Stepanovna, after the harvest.
I knew the terminology was old, but it was still really odd to me. So I asked about it when I got called on, and when I asked, everybody started flipping through the script because they didn't believe me.
So the teacher was like, "Huh, I'm not sure what that means. Let's google it real quick."
Comments
*while on the phone with the employee*
Terri: *talking to her dog* don't be dragging that wiener around the house (referring to the hot dog she gave the dog)
employee on phone: I can assure you we won't be doing any of that.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
Me: Hey, want to go see Anthrax in April?
Son: Yeah!
Me: Well guess who's going to drive us?
Younger son: Dad, he cant drive worth a crap, he almost killed me and grandpa!
Son: He's right, I cant drive for shit!
Me: You'll be good by then.
Wife: Its a 2 hour drive. You taking your truck or ya'll riding with Rob? (my brother)
Me: Nah, we're taking your car.
Wife: Bull crap!!
Me: Why not, we have insurance.
Wife:
as is tradition, our brother tried to teach his daughter there and she ran off the road and got a flat. while he taught her how to change a tire, they got locked in and had to climb the fence to get out.
I call it Russian Tourette"
As we were going over the script, I saw this line:
LOMOV: I'm thinking of having a go at the blackcock, honoured Natalya Stepanovna, after the harvest.
I knew the terminology was old, but it was still really odd to me. So I asked about it when I got called on, and when I asked, everybody started flipping through the script because they didn't believe me.
So the teacher was like, "Huh, I'm not sure what that means. Let's google it real quick."
Me: "Do NOT google that!"
Class cracked up