One of my English professors posted this on Facebook today:
-- Adding to the list of things you don't want to hear from a student, I'll offer this: "Well, my fiancé is a Christian, but I'm a Satanist, so we're having two wedding ceremonies." --
This book "Civility" that I have to read for my Seminar class:
"That same year civil libertarians rushed to the defense of a "death metal" group with the charming name of Cannibal Corpse, whose song "Necropedophile" was singled out for special criticism by William Bennett of Empower America and C. Delores Tucker of the National Political Congress of Black Women, who have recently led an effort to persuade the music industry to exercise a degree of restraint - or perhaps morality. The song describes, among other things, masturbating with the severed head of a child."
"She's a lesbian like, in a game of rock, paper, scissors, she would always choose scissors." My friend about this girl in my University residence that we've only seen three times.
I was driving my friend Jon the other day. We came to an intersection in Tempe and the wind picked up. We were suddenly entranced by this empty Funions bag that was soaring over the intersection in random motions. After about five seconds of us just staring at it, he goes
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-- Adding to the list of things you don't want to hear from a student, I'll offer this: "Well, my fiancé is a Christian, but I'm a Satanist, so we're having two wedding ceremonies." --
-- An academic to his wife: "Eat your pussy? You forget Gladys, I have a Ph.D." --
Son- dad can you redo my tie, if we wear a tie to class tomorrow we get extra credit.
Me- yeah Ill do it after I eat.
*I shit you not 30 seconds later*
Son- mom do I have school tomorrow??
Wife- JON DIDNT YOU JUST SAY YOU HAD TO WEAR A TIE TOMORROW!!
Son- oh yeah...
*son walks away*
Wife- *points at me* Thats from all the weed you use to smoke.
Me- Your one to talk, you use to buy it from me.
Wife- Dont try to turn this around.
My friend about this girl in my University residence that we've only seen three times.
"...there is no need to be upset."
And we laughed for a good five minutes.
me: "No"
Friend two: "Chagos is awesome, you should go there"
Friend one: "I need a girlfriend too"
,.. later...
Friend one: "But seriously I need a girlfriend"
laughter
Friend one: "Friend two, how do you meet girls here?"
Friend two: "um..."
me: "you don't"
made me lol
Cousin: Yo, so they opened up a Peter Francis Geraci office across the street from my work.
Me: HA They actually put a PETER FRANCIS GERACI office right by you? You ever seen him in person?
Cousin: Why the fuck you saying "PETER FRANCIS GERACI" like he's some kinda celebrity or something? It's just fucking Peter Francis Geraci.
All of us lost it for like 5 minutes straight lol.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)