friend: "so what are you in Starcraft?" me: "oh, I play Protoss." friend: "oh no" me: "what? what do you play?" friend: "Terran" me: "oh..." friend: "at least your not some Zerg scumbag" me: "this is true"
One of my friends is a night manager at the Shell Station right down the street from my house. He listens to a lot of metal, so I'll go in there ocassionally and bullshit with him.
So, the other night, I walk in there completely stoned (because I was gonna go to bed as soon as I got home), but I started talking about stuff for a solid half hour, and he was just kinda standing there listening and nodding the whole time, then this happened:
Me: Yeah, you'll notice that I talk a lot when I'm stoned. Him: Yeah. You'll notice I don't.
My non-Chicago niggas ain't gonna get this. On Saturday, I was faded as shit, and my Cousin had a few of his boys over:
Cousin: Yo, so they opened up a Peter Francis Geraci office across the street from my work.
Me: HA They actually put a PETER FRANCIS GERACI office right by you? You ever seen him in person?
Cousin: Why the fuck you saying "PETER FRANCIS GERACI" like he's some kinda celebrity or something? It's just fucking Peter Francis Geraci.
All of us lost it for like 5 minutes straight lol.
I love the monotone "get in the gimp box" voice....fool's been doing those commercials fo eva....Like those stupid Golf Mills Ford commercials with that fat fuck Stu.....
So check this out. The other night, I was chillin' for a minute with my friend who works at the gas station down the street. We were outside smoking when all of a sudden some drunk douchebag comes skidding around the corner right up to outside the door where we were standing. His girlfriend and his brother were in the car too. Here's how the conversation went:
Drunk guy: Hey you should let me monkeyfuck one of those cigarettes. *I go to put my cigarette up to his, when my friend hands him a lighter* Drunk guy: WHAT THE FUCK MAN? YOU STOLE MY LIGHTER! *Looks down* Guy: Oh wait, never mind. It was in my lap. *Holds up lighter, and his is exactly the same lighter* Guy: Hey my girlfriend is gonna suck my brother's dick, is that weird? Both of us: Uh yeah, that's pretty weird. Guy: So I probably shouldn't let that happen, huh? Me: No, maybe you should kick his ass. *His brother is IN THE BACKSEAT and points at me very slow drunkenly* Brother: ..................HEY! *Guy turns to his girlfriend* Guy: Hey, show em your tits! Come on! Girl: No! Guy: Come on, just one! *She actually starts going to show her tit, but then stops* Girl: No I don't wanna do that! Guy: Your vagina then. Girl: NO! *guy looks at me* Guy: Hey show her your wiener and she'll show you her vagina! My friend, very quickly: WILL. Don't show em your wiener. Me: Naw man, I'm good. Guy: What, you got a tiny dick? *Me and my friend crack up laughing* Me: It's cold out here, dude! Guy: Come on, I won't look.
It goes on and on like that for a minute, but eventually he's like Guy: Okay thanks for letting me almost monkeyfuck one of your cigarettes.
He says he's leaving about 3 more times before he finally does.
So check this out. The other night, I was chillin' for a minute with my friend who works at the gas station down the street. We were outside smoking when all of a sudden some drunk douchebag comes skidding around the corner right up to outside the door where we were standing. His girlfriend and his brother were in the car too. Here's how the conversation went:
Drunk guy: Hey you should let me monkeyfuck one of those cigarettes. *I go to put my cigarette up to his, when my friend hands him a lighter* Drunk guy: WHAT THE FUCK MAN? YOU STOLE MY LIGHTER! *Looks down* Guy: Oh wait, never mind. It was in my lap. *Holds up lighter, and his is exactly the same lighter* Guy: Hey my girlfriend is gonna suck my brother's dick, is that weird? Both of us: Uh yeah, that's pretty weird. Guy: So I probably shouldn't let that happen, huh? Me: No, maybe you should kick his ass. *His brother is IN THE BACKSEAT and points at me very slow drunkenly* Brother: ..................HEY! *Guy turns to his girlfriend* Guy: Hey, show em your tits! Come on! Girl: No! Guy: Come on, just one! *She actually starts going to show her tit, but then stops* Girl: No I don't wanna do that! Guy: Your vagina then. Girl: NO! *guy looks at me* Guy: Hey show her your wiener and she'll show you her vagina! My friend, very quickly: WILL. Don't show em your wiener. Me: Naw man, I'm good. Guy: What, you got a tiny dick? *Me and my friend crack up laughing* Me: It's cold out here, dude! Guy: Come on, I won't look.
It goes on and on like that for a minute, but eventually he's like Guy: Okay thanks for letting me almost monkeyfuck one of your cigarettes.
He says he's leaving about 3 more times before he finally does.
WOW.
Ha, reminds me of the insanely drunk Metal Blade worker I chilled with for like 10 minutes after Unearth in June.
So check this out. The other night, I was chillin' for a minute with my friend who works at the gas station down the street. We were outside smoking when all of a sudden some drunk douchebag comes skidding around the corner right up to outside the door where we were standing. His girlfriend and his brother were in the car too. Here's how the conversation went:
Drunk guy: Hey you should let me monkeyfuck one of those cigarettes. *I go to put my cigarette up to his, when my friend hands him a lighter* Drunk guy: WHAT THE FUCK MAN? YOU STOLE MY LIGHTER! *Looks down* Guy: Oh wait, never mind. It was in my lap. *Holds up lighter, and his is exactly the same lighter* Guy: Hey my girlfriend is gonna suck my brother's dick, is that weird? Both of us: Uh yeah, that's pretty weird. Guy: So I probably shouldn't let that happen, huh? Me: No, maybe you should kick his ass. *His brother is IN THE BACKSEAT and points at me very slow drunkenly* Brother: ..................HEY! *Guy turns to his girlfriend* Guy: Hey, show em your tits! Come on! Girl: No! Guy: Come on, just one! *She actually starts going to show her tit, but then stops* Girl: No I don't wanna do that! Guy: Your vagina then. Girl: NO! *guy looks at me* Guy: Hey show her your wiener and she'll show you her vagina! My friend, very quickly: WILL. Don't show em your wiener. Me: Naw man, I'm good. Guy: What, you got a tiny dick? *Me and my friend crack up laughing* Me: It's cold out here, dude! Guy: Come on, I won't look.
It goes on and on like that for a minute, but eventually he's like Guy: Okay thanks for letting me almost monkeyfuck one of your cigarettes.
He says he's leaving about 3 more times before he finally does.
WOW.
Ha, reminds me of the insanely drunk Metal Blade worker I chilled with for like 10 minutes after Unearth in June.
I'd like to point out that the guy was driving a BRAND NEW nice fucking Cadillac CXT and he should NOT have been driving it. First of all, he was way too drunk to be driving.
Comments
friend: "so what are you in Starcraft?"
me: "oh, I play Protoss."
friend: "oh no"
me: "what? what do you play?"
friend: "Terran"
me: "oh..."
friend: "at least your not some Zerg scumbag"
me: "this is true"
laughter
My nigga. I knew you'd comment on that ahaha.
877-Cash-Now
So, the other night, I walk in there completely stoned (because I was gonna go to bed as soon as I got home), but I started talking about stuff for a solid half hour, and he was just kinda standing there listening and nodding the whole time, then this happened:
Me: Yeah, you'll notice that I talk a lot when I'm stoned.
Him: Yeah. You'll notice I don't.
ohio state backup QB
"we ain't come to play school"
Drunk guy: Hey you should let me monkeyfuck one of those cigarettes.
*I go to put my cigarette up to his, when my friend hands him a lighter*
Drunk guy: WHAT THE FUCK MAN? YOU STOLE MY LIGHTER!
*Looks down*
Guy: Oh wait, never mind. It was in my lap.
*Holds up lighter, and his is exactly the same lighter*
Guy: Hey my girlfriend is gonna suck my brother's dick, is that weird?
Both of us: Uh yeah, that's pretty weird.
Guy: So I probably shouldn't let that happen, huh?
Me: No, maybe you should kick his ass.
*His brother is IN THE BACKSEAT and points at me very slow drunkenly*
Brother: ..................HEY!
*Guy turns to his girlfriend*
Guy: Hey, show em your tits! Come on!
Girl: No!
Guy: Come on, just one!
*She actually starts going to show her tit, but then stops*
Girl: No I don't wanna do that!
Guy: Your vagina then.
Girl: NO!
*guy looks at me*
Guy: Hey show her your wiener and she'll show you her vagina!
My friend, very quickly: WILL. Don't show em your wiener.
Me: Naw man, I'm good.
Guy: What, you got a tiny dick?
*Me and my friend crack up laughing*
Me: It's cold out here, dude!
Guy: Come on, I won't look.
It goes on and on like that for a minute, but eventually he's like
Guy: Okay thanks for letting me almost monkeyfuck one of your cigarettes.
He says he's leaving about 3 more times before he finally does.
WOW.
Guy: Oh man I wish I would have gotten one of those terrorist targets!
Woman: I wish I could get one with Obama on it.
Me:
Who's Craig? And why does his list have so many questionable items on it?