My ex is allergic to cheese, finally found a synthetic cheese that won't hospitalize him.
My ex: So, I see why you dumped me. Me: Um, I thought you knew already. You're lazy and always drugged out. My ex: No, you couldn't kiss me if you ate cheese. Me: Yeah. I remember. It was so annoying. My ex: I finally tasted cheese. I would have dumped me too to eat this. Me: Good. Then I guess you can't hate me too much. My ex: Nah. You're still a bitch. But, anyway, when you coming back to Philly?
So we're at Olive Garden, and it's jam packed, so every waitress is on their feet, and my Mom keeps asking for extra shit, and I was like "WORKIN' 'EM LIKE SLAVES OVER HERE." and then I noticed that the black waitress, older lady with an African accent, came over right when I said that, and she was at the table next to us and gave me the dirtiest look ever.
Comments
"Who told you about the whole (Some kids name) raping me thing? lol I heard you knew
I wasn't told...Why the fuck is there a smiley face at the end?
My ex: So, I see why you dumped me.
Me: Um, I thought you knew already. You're lazy and always drugged out.
My ex: No, you couldn't kiss me if you ate cheese.
Me: Yeah. I remember. It was so annoying.
My ex: I finally tasted cheese. I would have dumped me too to eat this.
Me: Good. Then I guess you can't hate me too much.
My ex: Nah. You're still a bitch. But, anyway, when you coming back to Philly?
Me:
I swear the next time I see a garden gnome im gonna pull out my tech 9 and smash that fucker.
His status: "I dont need no pep rally... Imma metal head"
Me and my girlfriend proceed to have a convo about our high school days and pep rallies..
He responds: "Fuck the system. Fuck school spirit. Fuck EVERYTHING THATS NOT METAL."
jayface