Alcohol has destroyed the lives of many people I know. It’s killed several. I had a drink at Ken Carson a couple of months ago, but it had been almost a year since my last drink prior to that
It may seem cathartic, but it’s just moping and wallowing in self pity. If other people feel that way also then it’s ok. You don’t have to do anything but keep the cycle going. It’s the easy path. It’s an echo chamber. Getting up, making changes, doing something about it, that’s the HARD part.
There’s gonna be a whole lotta “everyday is the same”, especially paying of a 30 year mortgage. The trick is to build a life that’s worth it. You have that house because you didn’t want to stay at home. Getting it was a huge life goal. Now you have it. What are you doing with it? Does family come over? Get togethers with friends? Ultimate gaming room? Home music studio? Dinner and music with the gf? Create an environment you look forward to coming back to. Everyday is the same? Good, life is stable. Feeling unfulfilled? Good. We don’t have to toil as hard all day chasing food and seeking shelter. Practice gratitude. Improve yourself. Go lift some weights. Learn to cook. Take a dance class. Join a bowling league. Go play four souls with your brother. Pick up an instrument. Mentor a kid, teach him to play. Start brewing beer. Grow weed. Take some mushrooms. Build next years con costume. Go hiking. Take up golf if you have to. Join an adult soccer league.
I’m in the process now of the most change of I’ve ever implemented into my life. I’m watching what I eat, consistently working out, started doing yoga and I’m drinking way less. None of it is easy and there are days where I fall off because life has to do life shit or my mental health takes a nosedive. The important thing is to keep pushing. People are noticing, whether they saw me a week ago or a month ago. It’s always a weird look, followed by a short silence and then a “Not to sound weird but you just kinda seem different, like you’re better in a way I can’t describe.” And I’m not doing this for anyone else but I feel that and to hear it is a good feeling even when I’m not personally feeling it. Change is rough but I’ve tried the depressed alcoholic thing for the last like twelve years. I’m digging this new route. Change it up dude. Watching videos like that all day isn’t catharsis, it’s toxicity.
I get it but I already work out regularly. I never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and just drink casually for fun. I already watch what I eat. It doesnt help because my life is still stagnant. I've failed to achieve any of my dreams. Im directionless, with nothing left to work towards. I have no dream job or ambition anymore. I dont even know what I want out of life at this point other than "success". But there's just nothing. Im not talented, Im not smart, I dont have connections, I dont have experience, I dont have the credentials. I'm wholely incompetent and unqualified for anything greater. The last year has really made me realize I'm a lot less capable than I thought I was. I started the year thinking I could take on the world, get a new start, get any job I ever wanted, maybe have real hobbies and free time again. And now I realized that was the furthest thing from the truth.
It's not a woahweesme pity party, its just me finally being realistic with myself.
Imo success is relative. For some people having food is success. For some it’s a billion dollars. Personally, I was tortured with feelings of failure until I was around my mid 30s. At a certain point I realized that life was tough and that dreams were really just dreams. You can either attack them or abandon them. I had BIG dreams. Once I sorta surrendered and just started accepting life for what it throws at me and roll with the punches, I didn’t necessarily feel better but more content. Nowadays, I satisfy myself with small victories. Like we just got back from vacation and it was the first time I’ve been able to have one where I wasn’t constantly doing math trying to make sure I didn’t run out of gas and food money. But I definitely think that there’s a social element to how we view success that gets in the way of our happiness. As talented at certain things as I know I am, I realize now how niche those things are and that I really may have never been geared for the success I craved anyway. I know a couple of people that most would consider successful, but they’re mostly miserable because it’s still not the perfect world they had in their head. I’m too weird to be mainstream. Nothing I would’ve wanted to do would’ve garnered me the praise of other artists that I craved. I finally came to the conclusion of “Well, who am I trying to impress?” My family loves me. I have great friends. Even adjusted for inflation, I make more money than either of my parents ever did. I’d imagine to some out there, I am successful. So keep that in mind. I once had a friend that sought to model himself after The Dude from Big Lebowski. I thought that was small minded and ludicrous. But here we are, 30 years down the line and I know few people happier. Perhaps conquering a video game will make you happy. Maybe completing an entire run of a comic you’ve never read. We both have a small amount of time in life and too much to do in that time. Maybe make your goals smaller?
I didnt think I wanted a lot. A real career doing something I liked, and a band that people were interested in/had regular growth was it. I've changed that to: find a job that pays me a little more so I can breathe a bit. And even that is too much.
I get it but I already work out regularly. I never had a problem with drugs or alcohol and just drink casually for fun. I already watch what I eat. It doesnt help because my life is still stagnant. I've failed to achieve any of my dreams. Im directionless, with nothing left to work towards. I have no dream job or ambition anymore. I dont even know what I want out of life at this point other than "success". But there's just nothing. Im not talented, Im not smart, I dont have connections, I dont have experience, I dont have the credentials. I'm wholely incompetent and unqualified for anything greater. The last year has really made me realize I'm a lot less capable than I thought I was. I started the year thinking I could take on the world, get a new start, get any job I ever wanted, maybe have real hobbies and free time again. And now I realized that was the furthest thing from the truth.
It's not a woahweesme pity party, its just me finally being realistic with myself.
Optimistic nihilism can be beneficial. You’re placing way too much importance on everything having to mean something but at the end of the day, even if you are an extremely powerful household name and you’re extremely successful, you are still jus a blip in time that will be forgotten in a thousand years. Elon Musk will not matter in a thousand years. Michael Jordan will not matter in a thousand years. Insert any prominent name and it applies. I don’t matter, you don’t matter, so jus fucking relax and enjoy the microscopic amount of time that we do have lmao. You literally gave up every last thing that you enjoy and you wonder why you’re miserable. That’s not what we’re here to do. Music not panning out as a career didn’t mean you had to drop it altogether. Set aside a couple hours a week to write or even jam and play along to shit, it will still feel infinitely better than nothing at all.
Also, this is why everybody tells you to trip. That kind of introspection is ultimately what led me to this type of mindset and how I handle things, and it’s extremely liberating.
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I'm going to do remote sales, and actually make.more money because I can.focus on sales instead of service too.
Get some money saved. SF actually wants me to do an agent intern program with whoever I start working with remotely so I might do that.
But I'm gonna take remote sales and while i do that try and find a place to do personal lines underwriting.
I never drink anymore. I would on occasion for like celebration, but I have zero desire to ever drink lol.
Im not talented, Im not smart, I dont have connections, I dont have experience, I dont have the credentials. I'm wholely incompetent and unqualified for anything greater. The last year has really made me realize I'm a lot less capable than I thought I was. I started the year thinking I could take on the world, get a new start, get any job I ever wanted, maybe have real hobbies and free time again. And now I realized that was the furthest thing from the truth.
It's not a woahweesme pity party, its just me finally being realistic with myself.
Also, this is why everybody tells you to trip. That kind of introspection is ultimately what led me to this type of mindset and how I handle things, and it’s extremely liberating.