I can't imagine what it will actually feel like if he offs himself in the same month my son is born.
Sounds like it’s heading towards either a quick exit or a slow march towards the same result. I hope you can find some peace with it either way. It’s hard watching people you love destroy themselves.
Like Jobe said, good on you for not repeating the cycle. Everyone of us that dealt with that growing up fears it yet still falls into those holes. Your kids are lucky to have you as a dad dude.
That’s some tough shit to go through, but being the one to break the generational cycles of trauma and abuse for your children is one hell of an accomplishment. I was able to do that, my sister was not, and the difference is very apparent in her kids compared to mine. I’ve always done what I could to give her kids some extra guidance, but it’s never enough. My youngest kid is getting ready to enter college now. All my kids graduated. None have been to jail (my oldest was arrested for weed once) We never lost custody of any of them, they never went through foster care, they never got molested, never split custody on weekends as separated parents. They weren’t raised by grand parents. None of these should really be accomplishments worth mentioning but if I put any of that on FB most of my friends list would feel personally attacked.
I can’t say that. My kids have never been in foster care, but I’ve lost custody of them for 6 weeks once. I doubt any of my kids will go to college. I don’t feel targeted though. I was raised better. My wife wasn’t, and that’s a problem. My wife grew up in a family with 8 kids and only 2 had the same set of biological parents. None went to college and only one made it through high school. But I know better. My sister kept her nose clean and got degrees. Her kids are all high achievers. My brother married an alcoholic that refuses the idea of even having children, which is a failure on its own because he would be a fun dad. It’s funny how the same combination of genetic dice can produce such different results. Me and my siblings all have similar issues, but the way we process them has divided us up on the spectrum of success.
Me and the girlfriend got into it last week and she said she needed some time to process if she still wanted to be together. Tried to talk to her last night and she basically told me the only reason we were together was because she enjoyed the attention from a younger man. She sent me this big paragraph about how I was stealing her independence. Shit like “my weekends were booked up and I never even got to choose” as if I held a gun to her head to hang out with her. Told me she felt overwhelmed because people started seeing “us” and not her as an individual. Said she went out solo last night and it felt great to just be her and she missed hanging out with her friends solo (we’re part of the same friend group). Things I never got in the way of. I would ask her to hang out on my off days (she’s currently unemployed) and half the time she said she had shit to do and I was completely fine with that. She’d also spend most of the week while I was working going out with her friends and shit. It all just felt kind of surreal. I told her I didn’t realize it was such a chore that I wanted to hang out with my girlfriend and she flipped it around on me and said I was making no effort to understand where she was coming from and that I was playing games. The whole thing started because we were out last week at a friends party and I had a pretty bad panic attack and she kind of ignored that. When I said I was gonna leave she just kinda shrugged and went back in to go hang out with her friends. I was honest about feeling hurt by that and she just shrugged it off and told me she’s not a chaser and she’s not in the business of fixing other people’s emotional bullshit. She’s still “processing” but I have no idea what to do with any of this here. I feel like she never wanted to be together and that spending time with me was a chore. I spent almost three years alone after the last go around. Kinda just wish I would have kept that going.
That’s pretty much how it went. If I’m hurting or I’m feeling some type of way it’s “I’m not here to fix things” or I’m just turning it around on her and not understanding. She told me this morning she’s not saying no and just needs more time to process and I told her to take all the time in the world. But last nights convo gave me my answer and I think we should just split. Not a word since then.
My dad ended up back in the hospital.over last weekend.
We tried to get him right from discharge to the 12-18 month rehab program I got him into but he wasn't honest about when he was being discharged and ended up going to stay with the people he met at the motel he was at lol.
My GF's dad who went through the same program and came out the other side completely changed drove an hour to pick him up yesterday and he refused so I got him a cab voucher to go today.
He's basically told me that because they take your phone he doesn't want to go lol.
He laid this on me while I'm at labor triage figuring out if this baby is coming today.
I ended up telling him that if he doesn't go today at the scheduled time that I will never talk to him again.
Makes me sad but I'm at peace with it. I've always had this idea of what I wanted my dad to be in my head and hoped he would be that. But I've come to realize he never will be the father I want. And I'm okay with letting him go even if it's difficult.
Boss sat me down last Friday and told me that he's leaving State farm. He's no longer going to be an agent.
So basically in the span of 7 days I am going from having a full time job, to the unemployment line because my office is closing.
I already have 4 interviews, but this is the third time in three years something like this has happened. I spent most of the last few days in shock, but today I feel better and am ready to attack getting a new better job.
My dad also left the long term rehab facility I clawed tooth and nail to get him into.
I had to tell him not to text or call me and that I'm done helping him.
Idk why I even come here with this shit. I guess to get it off my chest. The ampint.of anxiety and depression I felt from losing my job with a one month old.is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy lol. But I am a fighter and will be fine.
Da fuk you mean you don’t know why you come here with this shit. Who else you gonna talk to about it? An actual therapist? They don’t even find good jokes funny. They just make concerned faces and then write thing down.
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We tried to get him right from discharge to the 12-18 month rehab program I got him into but he wasn't honest about when he was being discharged and ended up going to stay with the people he met at the motel he was at lol.
My GF's dad who went through the same program and came out the other side completely changed drove an hour to pick him up yesterday and he refused so I got him a cab voucher to go today.
He's basically told me that because they take your phone he doesn't want to go lol.
He laid this on me while I'm at labor triage figuring out if this baby is coming today.
I ended up telling him that if he doesn't go today at the scheduled time that I will never talk to him again.
Makes me sad but I'm at peace with it. I've always had this idea of what I wanted my dad to be in my head and hoped he would be that. But I've come to realize he never will be the father I want. And I'm okay with letting him go even if it's difficult.
Addiction sucks man.
Boss sat me down last Friday and told me that he's leaving State farm. He's no longer going to be an agent.
So basically in the span of 7 days I am going from having a full time job, to the unemployment line because my office is closing.
I already have 4 interviews, but this is the third time in three years something like this has happened. I spent most of the last few days in shock, but today I feel better and am ready to attack getting a new better job.
My dad also left the long term rehab facility I clawed tooth and nail to get him into.
I had to tell him not to text or call me and that I'm done helping him.
Idk why I even come here with this shit. I guess to get it off my chest. The ampint.of anxiety and depression I felt from losing my job with a one month old.is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy lol. But I am a fighter and will be fine.
Just a shitty couple of days.
I told him not to text or call me anymore though. He's manipulated me into doing stuff for him, and taken advantage of my help.
So I am pretty much done after this. The baby shifted my emotions. I no longer feel bad for setting healthy boundaries really.
On to taking care about the people who matter. My family.
I just don't want to go into a new local office and start over.
I feel a lot better today too. My current boss wrote me a really great recommendation letter.