What if someone is a cheater? Thats something that happened in the past. Could you trust them? Would you want to be with someone who is known for cheating on their sig other?
Same idea applies. I dont want somebody who treats sex, or has treated sex, cavalierly.
Are you asking me personally? If yes then I have two responses to that- I believe people can change, and I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt unless I have first hand information about the quality of their character. Let me give you two examples to illustrate what I mean.
case 1 - My gf cheated on me (now my ex), and she comes to me two years later claiming she fucked up and wants a second chance with me. In this case - no I wouldnt give her a second chance, because what has changed that would prevent this from happening again? For some reason she chose to cheat on me in the past, and I am the same person today that I was in the past, thus any reasons she happened to have to cheat before (regardless of the reason), there is likely going to happen again unless there is actually something different this time. I am judging her character because I lived though it.
case 2 - I meet some new girl and she tells me that the reason she broke up with her last bf is because he caught her cheating. In this case I wouldn't judge her because I dont have first hand information about it. why did she cheat? Was this guy just too stupid to know how to treat her? basically I wasnt there, I dont know what choices she had to make, but she is telling me up front so that speaks to her character. I wouldn't just not date her because she cheated on some other dude in the past.
Considering this, how would you feel if you wanted that girl to become a long time girlfriend, and you found out she fucked 5 other dudes, and she said you were the worst or laughed at your dick?
Like I said. Complications and jealousy.
Someone that would laugh at a physical attribute of you is shallow and a person of poor character. This would actually be a good thing because then you would know this is someone you want out of your life asap.
reminds me of this time when I was a teen and playing football with the neighborhood kids. and the guy who was QBing was giving everyone their routes by drawing on his hand with his finger. Anyways everyone is looking at him while he does this and im looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He grabs my face and forcibly makes me look at him and says to me
"Why the FUCK are you not looking at me when I am talking to you"
and I paused for 5 seconds, and responded with the truth
"Because I don't like the way I look, and Im afraid if you see how ugly I look you wont want to be my friend"
he then responded with
"Joel. You're a very smart kid, but that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. Look if someone is not going to like you because of the way you look- fuck them! That isnt someone you want to be friends with anyways. So from now on when people talk to you, look them in the eyes. People will like you for who you are, I know I do"
That really stuck with me. It was one of the msot life changing moments in my life. I was too close to the problem to see how stupid I was.... and he litearlly changed my life with that advice.
Im just saying, I dont want to be in competition with every guy some girl has been fucked by or will be fucked by.
I dont understand why this is such a difficult concept.
There is no competition. She isn't with the guys she was with in the past. If she was, then she wouldnt be with you stupid. If there was any competition at all, then you are the one who won because you are with her! She's not with someone else.
Then you're an idiot and its on you when she cheats on you
I'd say you are the idiot, because you might have just passed up the perfect relationship because you let actions in the past prevent you from making a future better. Just because someone has cheated on someone else previously, does not mean that they will cheat again in the future on you.
Then you're an idiot and its on you when she cheats on you
Just because someone cheated before in the past in a different relationship, no matter the reason and circumstances behind it, does not automatically mean that is exactly what they're going to do every time they're in a relationship.
Yeah i'm with MC on this one. You either have the capacity to cheat or you dont.
You know I use to think this as well, until I lived a little. I was dating this girl who I thought was perfect in every way. We dated for a year and I was still madly in love with her, but had to change colleges which put 350 miles of distance between us. Anyways, I was working this fast food job and there was this girl I worked with who was always very flirty with me. I threw this kegger before school and invite everyone at my work... This girl shows up which wasnt an issue because I had no thoughts of getting with her. Anyways party starts winding down and she is "too drunk to drive home". I told her she could crash on the couch and I head in to take a shower. Afterward I climb into bed and who is in it? the girl... And I tell her to get out but she is all over me.... And she is telling me "no one will ever find out. I want you tonight". And for like 20 seconds I thought to myself "she's right... and I really want to fuck". but then I snapped out of it... and left and went and slept out on the couch. I didnt cheat, but I was so damn close to doing it. That kinda changed my views on cheating...
People cheat because they are missing something from their relationship. In my case it was not having seen my gf for a couple weeks and this hot girl I worked with wanting my dick. True I didnt cheat, but I had this girl that I was so in love with and in my head I had decided it was okay to sleep with someone else. Basically I never thought I would ever cheat, and I cant deny that the temptation was really overwhelming when the pussy is being thrown at you.
but I wanted too, even though I had a gf that I was madly in love with. And being that close to cheating made me realize that I can't fault someone for making a mistake.
And in retrospect I kinda wish I had cheated because that relationship feel apart due to the distance a month later.
but I wanted too, even though I had a gf that I was madly in love with. And being that close to cheating made me realize that I can't fault someone for making a mistake.
And in retrospect I kinda wish I had cheated because that relationship feel apart due to the distance a month later.
Like Jake said, there are people who can cheat, and people who cant. Desire does not equate to action. You didnt act on your desire. So it means nothing.
I've cheated before. Once was for revenge from getting cheated on a few time. Another was because I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. And every time I would try and break it off, I was guilt tripped out the ass. I cheated on him with his best friend. It helped we had a sexual tension that was building up for about 3-4 years. You think that did the trick? Nope. The relationship still didn't end until a few years later.
Does this mean I will cheat in every relationship I have? No. It doesn't.
Comments
case 1 - My gf cheated on me (now my ex), and she comes to me two years later claiming she fucked up and wants a second chance with me. In this case - no I wouldnt give her a second chance, because what has changed that would prevent this from happening again? For some reason she chose to cheat on me in the past, and I am the same person today that I was in the past, thus any reasons she happened to have to cheat before (regardless of the reason), there is likely going to happen again unless there is actually something different this time. I am judging her character because I lived though it.
case 2 - I meet some new girl and she tells me that the reason she broke up with her last bf is because he caught her cheating. In this case I wouldn't judge her because I dont have first hand information about it. why did she cheat? Was this guy just too stupid to know how to treat her? basically I wasnt there, I dont know what choices she had to make, but she is telling me up front so that speaks to her character. I wouldn't just not date her because she cheated on some other dude in the past.
reminds me of this time when I was a teen and playing football with the neighborhood kids. and the guy who was QBing was giving everyone their routes by drawing on his hand with his finger. Anyways everyone is looking at him while he does this and im looking at him out of the corner of my eye. He grabs my face and forcibly makes me look at him and says to me
"Why the FUCK are you not looking at me when I am talking to you"
and I paused for 5 seconds, and responded with the truth
"Because I don't like the way I look, and Im afraid if you see how ugly I look you wont want to be my friend"
he then responded with
"Joel. You're a very smart kid, but that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. Look if someone is not going to like you because of the way you look- fuck them! That isnt someone you want to be friends with anyways. So from now on when people talk to you, look them in the eyes. People will like you for who you are, I know I do"
That really stuck with me. It was one of the msot life changing moments in my life. I was too close to the problem to see how stupid I was.... and he litearlly changed my life with that advice.
People cheat because they are missing something from their relationship. In my case it was not having seen my gf for a couple weeks and this hot girl I worked with wanting my dick. True I didnt cheat, but I had this girl that I was so in love with and in my head I had decided it was okay to sleep with someone else. Basically I never thought I would ever cheat, and I cant deny that the temptation was really overwhelming when the pussy is being thrown at you.
And in retrospect I kinda wish I had cheated because that relationship feel apart due to the distance a month later.
Does this mean I will cheat in every relationship I have? No. It doesn't.
Ive never killed somebody before though. But I wanted to, so I can sympathize with murderers.
But I doubt murderers would kill again after they do it once or twice.