Track is done. Gonna record in a few. I just blew myself away with the third verse. I'm extremely excited to put this track up when it's done. This is hands down the best writing I've ever done so far.
Track is done. Gonna record in a few. I just blew myself away with the third verse. I'm extremely excited to put this track up when it's done. This is hands down the best writing I've ever done so far.
Hope so, but we have heard that claim before with less than stellar results.
I remember when my life was so simple and clean. I remember happiness was the simplest thing. 'Cause it came naturally, so effortlessly. Things changed, no more effort left up in me. Live recklessly, live without a direction. Am I ever in your thoughts? Is my name ever mentioned? Or I'm just a regret. So easy to forget. Disregard what you said. You wish we never met. Am I even in your memories? Or am I just a speck in time? Along the line, a waste of time. Even though I'm out your life, just know you put the breath in mine, that's worth more than any price, see, to me, you were the prize. You just never realized, never saw it through my eyes. It never was a disguise, to you, I never told a lie. I still see your silhouette, fading, as you walk away. Echoes of my voice, terrified, but you never hear me say...
And what about those nights that we spent together? We wouldn't say a single word, and wish it lasted forever. Never could it get better, silence really was golden. They say "Every door closed, there's another one open.". Then why they all shut? You threw away the key. Locked 'em all, and shut me out, with a lack of security. With a lack of purity, see, light was nonexistent. Darkness engulfing me, illumination evicted. Wish that it was fiction, but no, this is genuine. What's prosthetic is you sayin' you ever were a friend of mine. I said silence was golden, not the same when you alone. Sometimes, on these nights I'm alone, I just wanna pick up the phone. And lay it all on the line, tell you what's on my mind. If history has a pattern, then it would be a waste of time. Sometimes in my dreams, I scream until my voice blows. But I could never scream it loud enough...Don't Go.
Simple And Clean? No, Filthy and seemingly. Impossible, a simple life to me is so improbable. At least, it is now, it wasn't like that before. Do you remember when I gave you the Sun in the rainforest? That was just a metaphor, you know what I really mean. I still remember it so clearly, it appears in every dream. So I sleep so peacefully, and envision a better scene. Then it's back to the real thing, 'cause after all, it's just a dream. You remember when I lost the gold out at sea? I apologized and pleaded, for at least a whole week. Sincerely, I regret it, I put that on everything. Golden hope is somewhere out there, just way too far to be seen. That night was so serene, how we danced and we planned out. Every single detail of how the future would pan out. Now that future's gone in the wind, where the birds fly. I'd kill for one more chance to look at you, say those three words, I...
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
Let me just start with this good so you don't completely dismiss the bad. Over all, loved it. I liked the content, the emotion, and the track you are rapping over cause it tied into the rap. The song tile was good and in general this is the sort of content you need to be writing. I don't think it was your best work, but it was much better then the bulk of your raps. I think I might put this in at #3 from what I've heard.... I can't remember the other two I really liked right now. Well one was that Jobe rap, but the other one was one you wrote a few weeks later. Anyways.... keep this up. This is the direction you need to go.
Things I wasnt crazy about- Do you have a cold? You voice sounded a little off. Not off key, but more like you are getting a cold or started smoking 2 times more then you normally do. I also agree that the first verse was delivered a little sloppy, specifically the first two lines... you could have jumped into this rap better. Also, about those first two lines-I don't totally hate them, because if I didnt know you are all then there wouldnt make me think what I thought... but since I know you a little, when you say "remember when my life was so simple" I can't help but think "Dude... you're 15! you life is simple now!!! shutup and get back to me when you've actually lived through shit". The only other thing I didnt like is the last word. That "I" is totally unnecessary and actually makes the sentence it is attached too less of a statement. "I'd kill for one more chance to look at you, say those three words" is complete on it's own, and adding that I is almost insulting to the listener. Everyone knows what three words you are talking about, but leaving the "I" off makes it more interesting.... does he mean the obvious? or is it something else altogether.
Let me just start with this good so you don't completely dismiss the bad. Over all, loved it. I liked the content, the emotion, and the track you are rapping over cause it tied into the rap. The song tile was good and in general this is the sort of content you need to be writing. I don't think it was your best work, but it was much better then the bulk of your raps. I think I might put this in at #3 from what I've heard.... I can't remember the other two I really liked right now. Well one was that Jobe rap, but the other one was one you wrote a few weeks later. Anyways.... keep this up. This is the direction you need to go.
Things I wasnt crazy about- Do you have a cold? You voice sounded a little off. Not off key, but more like you are getting a cold or started smoking 2 times more then you normally do. I also agree that the first verse was delivered a little sloppy, specifically the first two lines... you could have jumped into this rap better. Also, about those first two lines-I don't totally hate them, because if I didnt know you are all then there wouldnt make me think what I thought... but since I know you a little, when you say "remember when my life was so simple" I can't help but think "Dude... you're 15! you life is simple now!!! shutup and get back to me when you've actually lived through shit". The only other thing I didnt like is the last word. That "I" is totally unnecessary and actually makes the sentence it is attached too less of a statement. "I'd kill for one more chance to look at you, say those three words" is complete on it's own, and adding that I is almost insulting to the listener. Everyone knows what three words you are talking about, but leaving the "I" off makes it more interesting.... does he mean the obvious? or is it something else altogether.
Thanks on the first part.
As far as my voice, no, no cold, I just got really into it and emotional when recording it, I got teary eyed at one point. As far as my delivery, I don't see it, the first verse is my favorite as far as delivery and flow. The thing about my age is ignorant and I'm not gonna bother with that, life isn't "simple" now, 15 or not. The "I" thing is just nitpicking like a motherfucker lol.
I dig this one a lot. True emotion from you Erik. This really felt like it was from the heart and meant a lot.
Thank you, means a lot. This is one of my favorite tracks I've ever done so far.
Comments
I think the final boss fight against God after you just threw up his fetus and some other lady ate it in Silent Hill 3 tops that.
Lyrics:
I remember when my life was so simple and clean.
I remember happiness was the simplest thing.
'Cause it came naturally, so effortlessly.
Things changed, no more effort left up in me.
Live recklessly, live without a direction.
Am I ever in your thoughts? Is my name ever mentioned?
Or I'm just a regret.
So easy to forget.
Disregard what you said.
You wish we never met.
Am I even in your memories?
Or am I just a speck in time?
Along the line, a waste of time.
Even though I'm out your life, just know you put the breath in mine, that's worth more than any price, see, to me, you were the prize.
You just never realized, never saw it through my eyes.
It never was a disguise, to you, I never told a lie.
I still see your silhouette, fading, as you walk away.
Echoes of my voice, terrified, but you never hear me say...
And what about those nights that we spent together?
We wouldn't say a single word, and wish it lasted forever.
Never could it get better, silence really was golden.
They say "Every door closed, there's another one open.".
Then why they all shut? You threw away the key.
Locked 'em all, and shut me out, with a lack of security.
With a lack of purity, see, light was nonexistent.
Darkness engulfing me, illumination evicted.
Wish that it was fiction, but no, this is genuine.
What's prosthetic is you sayin' you ever were a friend of mine.
I said silence was golden, not the same when you alone.
Sometimes, on these nights I'm alone, I just wanna pick up the phone.
And lay it all on the line, tell you what's on my mind.
If history has a pattern, then it would be a waste of time.
Sometimes in my dreams, I scream until my voice blows.
But I could never scream it loud enough...Don't Go.
Simple And Clean? No, Filthy and seemingly.
Impossible, a simple life to me is so improbable.
At least, it is now, it wasn't like that before.
Do you remember when I gave you the Sun in the rainforest?
That was just a metaphor, you know what I really mean.
I still remember it so clearly, it appears in every dream.
So I sleep so peacefully, and envision a better scene.
Then it's back to the real thing, 'cause after all, it's just a dream.
You remember when I lost the gold out at sea?
I apologized and pleaded, for at least a whole week.
Sincerely, I regret it, I put that on everything.
Golden hope is somewhere out there, just way too far to be seen.
That night was so serene, how we danced and we planned out.
Every single detail of how the future would pan out.
Now that future's gone in the wind, where the birds fly.
I'd kill for one more chance to look at you, say those three words, I...
Things I wasnt crazy about- Do you have a cold? You voice sounded a little off. Not off key, but more like you are getting a cold or started smoking 2 times more then you normally do. I also agree that the first verse was delivered a little sloppy, specifically the first two lines... you could have jumped into this rap better. Also, about those first two lines-I don't totally hate them, because if I didnt know you are all then there wouldnt make me think what I thought... but since I know you a little, when you say "remember when my life was so simple" I can't help but think "Dude... you're 15! you life is simple now!!! shutup and get back to me when you've actually lived through shit". The only other thing I didnt like is the last word. That "I" is totally unnecessary and actually makes the sentence it is attached too less of a statement. "I'd kill for one more chance to look at you, say those three words" is complete on it's own, and adding that I is almost insulting to the listener. Everyone knows what three words you are talking about, but leaving the "I" off makes it more interesting.... does he mean the obvious? or is it something else altogether.
As far as my voice, no, no cold, I just got really into it and emotional when recording it, I got teary eyed at one point. As far as my delivery, I don't see it, the first verse is my favorite as far as delivery and flow. The thing about my age is ignorant and I'm not gonna bother with that, life isn't "simple" now, 15 or not. The "I" thing is just nitpicking like a motherfucker lol.
Thank you, means a lot. This is one of my favorite tracks I've ever done so far.