A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person alive." Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?" Wiped the smug look right off her face.
Not really a joke, but a lot of people would find this offensive. A conversation my dad and I had today...
Me: Holy crap, the US just bombed Libya Dad: You know, I've never seen a holy crap Dad: Moses split one one time Me: Noah put two on a boat Dad: Pontius Pilate nailed one to the cross Me: .... Me: LOL
Comments
what's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
you cant peanut butter your dick up someone's ass.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Nathan
Nathan who?
Nathan Explosion
Toki erupts in laughter!!!
I love Metalocalypse. Sorry. I just had to post this.
They both like to catch bullets with thier face.
Elton John did become a queen
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
I shouldn't worry though, I hear there's plenty more in the sea.
Good. His voice is annoying as fuck.
Me: Holy crap, the US just bombed Libya
Dad: You know, I've never seen a holy crap
Dad: Moses split one one time
Me: Noah put two on a boat
Dad: Pontius Pilate nailed one to the cross
Me: ....
Me: LOL