A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you need to explain," said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to chuckle about the whole situation. After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it. The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.
Let's see America's most wanted fucking stage a reconstruction of that.
This fat dude goes to the Dr. he weighs like 850lbs. he tells the dr. he can't walk breathe, ect. The Dr. tells him of this new way to treat obesity, "instead of eating food, shove it up your ass."
The guy comes back 6months later, he lost like 500lbs and is looking good. He slides in the Dr's office dancing and shaking his hips and says "hey Dr. check me out, i'm the guy you told to shove food up my ass, don't i look great?" the guy contincues shaking his hips and dancing... the Dr. says "you look really great Mr. i'm glad i could help you. But why are you dancing nonstop? the guy says " i'm not dancing Doc, i'm chewing gum!"
1D_for_lifePosts: 13,785destroyer of motherfuckers
There's two gays in the shower fucking around with eachother, their names are Tom and Jim. The doorbell rings and Tom gets out to answer it. He says to Jim "no matter what, do not cum without me." Tom goes to answer the door and comes back and sees motherfucking cum all over the wall, shower, knobs, and the floor. Tom says "WTF man, I told you not to cum without me." Jim says "now hold up, I didn't cum, I just farted."
Two nuns were riding bicycles down an old road in Rome. One nun said to the other, "you know, I've never come this way before." "It's the cobblestones, dear." said the other.
Comments
Take your foot off its head.
How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends on how hard you throw em.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Whats purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What do you call a baby with no arms, no legs, in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
Blender.
How do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
Art.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. As he is walking down the hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish - Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "It's not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AX.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.
Let's see America's most wanted fucking stage a reconstruction of that.
The guy comes back 6months later, he lost like 500lbs and is looking good. He slides in the Dr's office dancing and shaking his hips and says "hey Dr. check me out, i'm the guy you told to shove food up my ass, don't i look great?" the guy contincues shaking his hips and dancing... the Dr. says "you look really great Mr. i'm glad i could help you. But why are you dancing nonstop? the guy says " i'm not dancing Doc, i'm chewing gum!"
There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline.
54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.
Neither of them work and they both take your money
Haha just read the post above me
"It's the cobblestones, dear." said the other.