Dad - what movie is this Me - friends with benefits, seen it? Dad- I've seen bits and pieces of it Me - dad, that just means you fast forwarded it to all the nudey parts Dad-...
Him: *looks at shit on my floor* A door handle? You bought a door handle? Me: Yeah with a lock Him: Why? Me: You don't have a bed. Last thing I need is you having a girl over with no bed and my door being wide the fuck open. Him: Ah dude I wouldn't do that Me: I know of only two instances where friends promised not to fuck on their friends bed, and they both lied and we're both right here. Him: Yeah but that's different Me: The locks already on the door Him: I'm just saying I wouldn't do it...i have the couch Me: You had the couch at josh's Him: Yeah but I still wouldn't do it Me: Fine I believe you Him: So.. Me: THE LOCKS ALREADY ON THE GODDAMN DOOR DUDE. I'm sure as shit not going through the effort of taking it off, and if you did it would just look like a guy who really wants access to my room when I'm not around. AKA A GUY. WHO IS TRYING TO FUCK. ON MY BED. .... .... Me: Moral of the story man, get a bed.
Not today but back in high school, I was walking down a hallway and heard a fat dude say to his friend "You name it, I've swallowed it." Dead serious. I couldn't hold it in. He heard me laughing right away and wanted to fight. ) I was like " I'm way to high for this shit dude. Not trying to get suspended cuz you're a queer."
" When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating box, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!"
Comments
my sister; " I know as soon as I get into the shower something good is gonna come on"
sfx: *toilet flushes* *shower curtain jingles*
me; "Black Sabbath is on!"
Me - friends with benefits, seen it?
Dad- I've seen bits and pieces of it
Me - dad, that just means you fast forwarded it to all the nudey parts
Dad-...
Him: *looks at shit on my floor* A door handle? You bought a door handle?
Me: Yeah with a lock
Him: Why?
Me: You don't have a bed. Last thing I need is you having a girl over with no bed and my door being wide the fuck open.
Him: Ah dude I wouldn't do that
Me: I know of only two instances where friends promised not to fuck on their friends bed, and they both lied and we're both right here.
Him: Yeah but that's different
Me: The locks already on the door
Him: I'm just saying I wouldn't do it...i have the couch
Me: You had the couch at josh's
Him: Yeah but I still wouldn't do it
Me: Fine I believe you
Him: So..
Me: THE LOCKS ALREADY ON THE GODDAMN DOOR DUDE. I'm sure as shit not going through the effort of taking it off, and if you did it would just look like a guy who really wants access to my room when I'm not around. AKA A GUY. WHO IS TRYING TO FUCK. ON MY BED.
....
....
Me: Moral of the story man, get a bed.
"Bongcare: Its like childcare, but more important"
" When a girl gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun.BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating box, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, he's called a pervert!"
My friend was tripping dick and sent this to me.
"The bathroom floor is moving so much it should be called bathroomfloor.gif"
would have been better if it was bathroomfloor.gif
Shut the fuck up it's not that funny.