was at an event at the bar and they were doing drawings for sabres merch and the chick couldnt read the name on the ticket and another guy who was black came over to try and read it and was like "someone White"
it was so hilarious me and my friend were like i think you have a pretty good shot at a hockey event. and he just started laughing and facepalmed himself.
"The Christian god can easily be pictured as virtually the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites." - Thomas Jefferson
"The Christian god can easily be pictured as virtually the same god as the many ancient gods of past civilizations. The Christian god is a three headed monster; cruel, vengeful and capricious. If one wishes to know more of this raging, three headed beast-like god, one only needs to look at the caliber of people who say they serve him. They are always of two classes: fools and hypocrites." - Thomas Jefferson
My friend Eva to my best friend Mindy: Your boobs remind me of rice crispy treats. Me: Oh fucking hell. I'm never going to look at rice crispy treats the same again. My friend Marcus: I'm suddenly craving something sweet.
Chick: Do you think she looks like a prostitute? Guy: I try not to judge a book by its cover...but if she were a book, she'd be the book that other books pay to have sex with
Mom: It's bullshit, I even let him...do you know what a golden shower is? Son: When it's sunny and it rains? Mom: Oh that's magical...I earned that trip to Fiji.
So in calc today, my little group was discussing which animal we'd be if we could be any animal that wasn't human.
Friend 1: I'd be a dolphin Me: I'd be an orca. They're pretty much bigger, black dolphins. Teacher(probably just catching me stating orcas are similar to dolphins): You know, orcas actually go around kill dolphins. Friend 2: So you're saying orcas are just like Black dolphins? Me: Yeah, orcas are just Black dolphins. Teacher: O_O Group: /dying
Me: Dude, Chris! Turn the heat up in here! Chris: It's already turned up! I'm hot, dude. Me: Not me! Chris: Well, you're just gonna have to wait until you get to hell. )
Friend: So, I was drunk again and I somehow ended up in bed with a hot black metal guy. So, we starting getting it on then he started crying that he wasn't over his dead girlfriend. Me: Eek. Friend: Yeah. So he left the room. I started to fall asleep. Then he came back in and yeah. Same thing again. He started up again then started crying. Then I just yelled "If you're so hung up on her, will you please stop fucking me!?" I never thought I'd have to say something like that. Me: Yeah, you'd never expect you'd have to. Friend: Yeah. It sucks. He was hot as fuck too. I ended up breaking down in laughter. It was a fucked up night. Me: I can tell. At least I got a good laugh out of this.
This happened while in a diner at 4am. People were staring at at because we were laughing so hard I started choking on my food.
My mom: "Dead mouse?? That's his name?!" me: "Well, no, that's just the name he goes by." mom: "How does a name like that catch on??" me: "Well it's spelled d-e-a-d-m-a-u-five" mom: "What?!" me: "Yeah." *I write it out for her* mom: "Well that's just stupid. I don't like him. That's not how you spell mouse."
Comments
it was so hilarious me and my friend were like i think you have a pretty good shot at a hockey event. and he just started laughing and facepalmed himself.
Me: Oh fucking hell. I'm never going to look at rice crispy treats the same again.
My friend Marcus: I'm suddenly craving something sweet.
Chick: Do you think she looks like a prostitute?
Guy: I try not to judge a book by its cover...but if she were a book, she'd be the book that other books pay to have sex with
Woman talking to her son on House of Lies
Mom: It's bullshit, I even let him...do you know what a golden shower is?
Son: When it's sunny and it rains?
Mom: Oh that's magical...I earned that trip to Fiji.
Principal: (hands me certificate) Congratulations! Keep up the good work.
Me: Thanks, you too
-My friend Jonathan on the hypothetical situation of a djent band committing rape.
me: 'HI! WHAT WAS THAT? BEEN HERE FOR A WHILE.'
Friend 1: I'd be a dolphin
Me: I'd be an orca. They're pretty much bigger, black dolphins.
Teacher(probably just catching me stating orcas are similar to dolphins): You know, orcas actually go around kill dolphins.
Friend 2: So you're saying orcas are just like Black dolphins?
Me: Yeah, orcas are just Black dolphins.
Teacher: O_O
Group: /dying
Me: Dude, Chris! Turn the heat up in here!
Chris: It's already turned up! I'm hot, dude.
Me: Not me!
Chris: Well, you're just gonna have to wait until you get to hell.
Me: Eek.
Friend: Yeah. So he left the room. I started to fall asleep. Then he came back in and yeah. Same thing again. He started up again then started crying. Then I just yelled "If you're so hung up on her, will you please stop fucking me!?" I never thought I'd have to say something like that.
Me: Yeah, you'd never expect you'd have to.
Friend: Yeah. It sucks. He was hot as fuck too. I ended up breaking down in laughter. It was a fucked up night.
Me: I can tell. At least I got a good laugh out of this.
This happened while in a diner at 4am. People were staring at at because we were laughing so hard I started choking on my food.
My mom: "Dead mouse?? That's his name?!"
me: "Well, no, that's just the name he goes by."
mom: "How does a name like that catch on??"
me: "Well it's spelled d-e-a-d-m-a-u-five"
mom: "What?!"
me: "Yeah." *I write it out for her*
mom: "Well that's just stupid. I don't like him. That's not how you spell mouse."