It just sucks so bad. Like we've been through so much. I've known this dude longer than I've know two of my actual brothers. And all this bullshit was just out of no where.
before ditching him, bring it up. Tell him how he has made you feel lately... Maybe he just got in a rut or isnt aware his jokes are actually hurtful, or maybe he is acting out because of something you did that you are not aware of. Have a talk about it and see what can be done to fix things.
Count me in on that. I'd be lying if I said everything was a peaches and rainbows over here. Fills like im on the verge of a major life melt down. Im not looking forward to it, and hope it doesnt happen.
there isnt anything to tell. Things just feel off.... maybe im letting the end of my relationship with my parents and myself affect the rest of my life.
I hope you will never fully end a relationship with your parents.
been almost a year. im having a hard time being the bigger man.
I of course have zero clue of what's going on in your home life and with your parents,... but it saddens me to hear that ya's don't get along.
I could never imagine pushing my daughters away. Ever. I show them as much love as I can. Which actually comes super easy to me even tho I am an asshole, cuz they are my kids.
Anyways,.. on the real,.. I hope you get thru this depression.
On the MU side,... just ky and be done with it. kik
Yeah I feel the same way about my kids... I'd never want to push them away. The thing with my parents is also really not a big deal but it has turned into one. My mom said some things that were hurtful over the phone, basically name calling. After she said that I said "If that is how you feel then perhaps it's better that we no longer communicate" and I hung up the phone. That was last fall and havent talked with her since. I really should be the bigger man and just pick up the phone....
Also, things with my home life might actually not be bad... Just feels like im in the calm before the storm if you can relate to that. I have no idea if the storm is coming, or even what it will be about. Just feels like something is up, however I could 100% just be imagining things because I am so stressed at work.
lastly, Im actually not depressed. Even if my wife were to tell me that she wanted a divorce, I would not be depressed. I would be sad 100%, but not depressed and there is a difference. As stupid as this sounds, my biggest fear thinking about divorce would be that my wife would want to instantly move out with the kids. This causes a lot of stress and anxiety thinking about that. If she wanted to divorce me, I'd hope that we could live together as roommates while we resolve our financial obligations. Like sell the house, such that we could pay off all community debt, and then work out some sort of visitation schedule with the kids. Anyways, that's all hypothetical. I dont have any reason to think that we are heading down that path... That's just like a worst case situation. Just feels like something is up, and I'd like to know why I feel this way.
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
edited July 2015
Totally agree. Basically here is the full story. Im not saying I am totally innocent here. Last July my mom calls me and asks if she can call my wife. I told her I didnt care, and that she didnt need to ask my permission on who she calls. So instead text's my wife and asks her "What can I buy you for your birthday". Well my wife thought it would be rude to tell her so she says "That's okay Ann, you don't have to get me anything" and then my mom says "Tell me what you want" and she said "I have everything I need".... Then my wife called me and told me my mom was asking about birthday presents, and then she told me that if she asks me then tell her that I'd like blah" and gave me a list of things she'd like. But she didnt want to tell my mom because that would be rude. So I called my mom and said "hey I heard that you were asking about birthday presents and I have some ideas for you" and she said "No. She told me that she doesnt want anything so I am going to honor that". And I said "Mom, she just called me and told me things she would like, and that the reason why she didnt tell you is because she didnt want to be rude" and she says "Nope! Im not getting her anything" and so I said "Mom there is no law saying you need to get her or anyone in my family anything. But it is a nice gesture when you do and people do appreciate that". And she says "Im not doing it" and so I said "okay"... I was pissed off at this point in time but whatever. I thought about buying my wife a present and sending it to teh house so it looked like it came from my mom but I didnt.
Anyways three months later before my daughters birthday she says "Sigh... I wish you didnt forbid me from getting your family presents" And I said "You are being ridiculous! All I said is that you are not required by law to buy presents for my wife or YOUR grandkids. Do whatever YOU want to do". and then after my daughters birthday she calls me and asks what she got from people, and so I was telling her that her what we got her and what her aunts and other grandparents got her... and she says "too bad you said I can't get her something" And so I said "Look. I never said you can't buy anyone presents. You not wanting to buy my kids presents or my wife present is 100% on you. If you want my kids growing up thinknig you dont give a shit about them by not buying them some token gift on their birthday, That's all YOU. I told you crystal clear last july that my wife would have liked a present for you, and then you decided that you were going to take some high moral ground and make a deal out of something that didnt need to be made of. You decided to make drama where no drama had to be."
Then she said "Well I think you guys are all bat shit crazy" and then I said "Well perhaps it's best we jsut don't talk anymore" and hung up. That was the last time I talked to her last fall.
The thing that really bothers me isnt the lack of presents.... Who cares about some 25 dollar gift she usually got people? What bothers me is the lack of intent. I havent told her this but when I grew up i had a Great Aunt who every single year on my birthday sent me a birthday card that contained the number of dollars I was turning that year. She did this every single year like clock work in an age before facebook reminding her of a birthday. So when I think back on what this woman did for me, it makes me feel good. It makes me think that this lady actually cared for me and what I remember is the thought... the money was almost irrelevant but the act will stay with me for life. My grandparents never once sent me a birthday card or present. So that's the thing that pisses me off the most... It's not the lack of presents, it's that my mom would rather be remember by my kids as a grandparent in name only who didnt give a shit about them, as opposed to being remembered as someone who never forgot their birthdays and loved them so much.
I should pick up the phone and tell her why her actions really bother me... but i dont.
Comments
plus what if they play a deep cut
would think about it depending on price
Also, things with my home life might actually not be bad... Just feels like im in the calm before the storm if you can relate to that. I have no idea if the storm is coming, or even what it will be about. Just feels like something is up, however I could 100% just be imagining things because I am so stressed at work.
lastly, Im actually not depressed. Even if my wife were to tell me that she wanted a divorce, I would not be depressed. I would be sad 100%, but not depressed and there is a difference. As stupid as this sounds, my biggest fear thinking about divorce would be that my wife would want to instantly move out with the kids. This causes a lot of stress and anxiety thinking about that. If she wanted to divorce me, I'd hope that we could live together as roommates while we resolve our financial obligations. Like sell the house, such that we could pay off all community debt, and then work out some sort of visitation schedule with the kids. Anyways, that's all hypothetical. I dont have any reason to think that we are heading down that path... That's just like a worst case situation. Just feels like something is up, and I'd like to know why I feel this way.
Anyways three months later before my daughters birthday she says "Sigh... I wish you didnt forbid me from getting your family presents" And I said "You are being ridiculous! All I said is that you are not required by law to buy presents for my wife or YOUR grandkids. Do whatever YOU want to do". and then after my daughters birthday she calls me and asks what she got from people, and so I was telling her that her what we got her and what her aunts and other grandparents got her... and she says "too bad you said I can't get her something" And so I said "Look. I never said you can't buy anyone presents. You not wanting to buy my kids presents or my wife present is 100% on you. If you want my kids growing up thinknig you dont give a shit about them by not buying them some token gift on their birthday, That's all YOU. I told you crystal clear last july that my wife would have liked a present for you, and then you decided that you were going to take some high moral ground and make a deal out of something that didnt need to be made of. You decided to make drama where no drama had to be."
Then she said "Well I think you guys are all bat shit crazy" and then I said "Well perhaps it's best we jsut don't talk anymore" and hung up. That was the last time I talked to her last fall.
The thing that really bothers me isnt the lack of presents.... Who cares about some 25 dollar gift she usually got people? What bothers me is the lack of intent. I havent told her this but when I grew up i had a Great Aunt who every single year on my birthday sent me a birthday card that contained the number of dollars I was turning that year. She did this every single year like clock work in an age before facebook reminding her of a birthday. So when I think back on what this woman did for me, it makes me feel good. It makes me think that this lady actually cared for me and what I remember is the thought... the money was almost irrelevant but the act will stay with me for life. My grandparents never once sent me a birthday card or present. So that's the thing that pisses me off the most... It's not the lack of presents, it's that my mom would rather be remember by my kids as a grandparent in name only who didnt give a shit about them, as opposed to being remembered as someone who never forgot their birthdays and loved them so much.
I should pick up the phone and tell her why her actions really bother me... but i dont.