It just sucks I'm entirely missing out on life. I can't smoke, it's not something I can't think about as an option. It just makes everything 100% worse. A couple friends stopped hanging out with me because I don't smoke. It's whatever, they're shitty friends. Drinking I realized wasn't helping either but I kept doing it until it really became something negatively impacting me. I see couples who are happy together and the though of being with another human being just seems impossible to me. And I think about how I've done it before and how India is still a friend and it all seems so foreign, like none of it was me. I found this forum once for people with this. I thought it might help, and it did at first seeing that there were people who could say what I was feeling. They knew everything. But fuck man it couldn't have been any worse at all. It's just a fucking massive grave of dead souls, people talking about hanging in there but "I'm going on my 4th year....7th year...10th year" I don't understand how people do this for 10 fucking years. But at the same time I get how it happens. You want to get better but you don't do anything to help yourself. You just feel miserable about feeling miserable. Some people have beat it naturally and people have beat it with drugs, but theres just this pit in the middle of people who have't come close.
Chuck what it is you're describing is exactly what I went through for only a few months at the end of 2013/beginning of 2014. It was like every day my perception of reality was being broken down and rebuilt.
I didn't know what it was because when I came out of it people tried telling me it was depression and I tried to explain how it felt different but I couldn't because I couldn't form coherent enough thoughts to describe it.
I wish I could tell you something that could help, but honestly I think mine was just a chemical thing triggered by a combination of SAD and just going through tough existential shit being on my own for the first time. People make fun of it but coming out to South Dakota is what pulled me out of it.
I thought bonnaroo would help last year...I dabbled a bit with a small amount of shrooms and bad idea. Molly was nice though.
The feeling like my brain has been taken tina grindstone is the fucking worst. I'm used to when meeting a group of people, being towards the top intelligence wise. Now I can't speak entirely clearly, I feel like I don't have the standard usage of my brain at any given time. I'm always searching for a word and I can just feel when people feel superior to me. Although I have no doubt that a good chunk of that is projecting because my friends say they don't see much difference.
It is possible to make it out. Sorry to hear you experienced something similar but also it's good to hear that there could be a positive ending.
Almost fucking died on the way back from a show. Was driving in the fast lane when out of the corner of my eye I see a tow truck pulled to the side of the rode on the right and think "huh that's weird I don't see any cars aroun that are broken down" then my friend yells at me repeatedly to switch lanes fast and I look ahead and barely see a fucking wrecked mini van just chillin the fast lane. I swerved out of the way in time obviously but fuck that was scary. Now I'm just confused as to how that mini van got there so fucking wrecked cuz there was no other cars near it and why it didn't have its hazards on or some flares around it or something. I really hope nobody crashes into it cuz it's just a sitting duck.
I've been up all night. My friend's 3 month old little boy got life flighted up to Atlanta from South Georgia, where they were visiting family. He's been having seizures every hour. They did a scan and found a bunch of tumors on the little fellas brain. It's not looking good. They say even if he survives, he's gonna be mentally handicapped. I wouldn't wish this on any parent
I thought bonnaroo would help last year...I dabbled a bit with a small amount of shrooms and bad idea. Molly was nice though.
The feeling like my brain has been taken tina grindstone is the fucking worst. I'm used to when meeting a group of people, being towards the top intelligence wise. Now I can't speak entirely clearly, I feel like I don't have the standard usage of my brain at any given time. I'm always searching for a word and I can just feel when people feel superior to me. Although I have no doubt that a good chunk of that is projecting because my friends say they don't see much difference.
It is possible to make it out. Sorry to hear you experienced something similar but also it's good to hear that there could be a positive ending.
Comments
I wish I could tell you something that could help, but honestly I think mine was just a chemical thing triggered by a combination of SAD and just going through tough existential shit being on my own for the first time. People make fun of it but coming out to South Dakota is what pulled me out of it.
It affected my ability to smoke weed to point that even felt like a psychedelic.
The feeling like my brain has been taken tina grindstone is the fucking worst. I'm used to when meeting a group of people, being towards the top intelligence wise. Now I can't speak entirely clearly, I feel like I don't have the standard usage of my brain at any given time. I'm always searching for a word and I can just feel when people feel superior to me. Although I have no doubt that a good chunk of that is projecting because my friends say they don't see much difference.
It is possible to make it out. Sorry to hear you experienced something similar but also it's good to hear that there could be a positive ending.