"You can stick your it in your wife, your boyfriend, and your favorite donkey all in one night and then just wipe your dick off and be sated." -My Women's Issues professor, in reference to sexuality before the 1700s.
Mom: Hey, you called? Me: Yeah I called to ask if I could borrow the car, and if I could have this bag of chips. I already borrowed the car, and I already ate the chips.
Me: "I placed in intermediate math, which is completely fucked up considering I left half the placement test blank." My best friend: "Intermediate? Is that like advanced?"
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My friends mom
<img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/THbwoFKoXaI/AAAAAAAALyA/XQhoBjubHys/s400/Far+Side-gifted.jpg"
Wine.
Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna drop this before I get too carried away here.
Me: Yeah I called to ask if I could borrow the car, and if I could have this bag of chips. I already borrowed the car, and I already ate the chips.
In before Bianca calls me fat lol
"If God wanted me to take 15 minutes to say "what's up", he would've given me a stutter."
Mom : "That's Chef Boyardee to you"
Me : "That makes you a man."
My best friend: "Intermediate? Is that like advanced?"