Chris thinks he can prove to me I can trust him and be ok with him drinking alcohol if he doesn't become a trashed mess. This has been his mathematical experiment since June 12th. I'm not ok with it. I tried to be, but I'm not. I've made this known numerous times and it seems making that known is pointless.
It was my birthday today (yesterday now). I don't want to drink anymore but I reluctantly said ok to having a beer with him tonight. Well the food I tried to eat made my stomach hurt so I didn't drink it. But he drank his, mine, and went n bought 6 more. I fucking hate alcohol so much at this point that I don't want to be around anyone who's been drinking
Major. He was a trashed mess through the whole first 3 years of the relationship (includes the pregnancy n shit). Plus however long before me (4 more years or so I think). Back then it was always four lokos and some variation of those travel shots. Now it's wine, beer, or sake. Last Saturday he had a half a bottle of vodka when I had a super migraine after Blink 182. Which actually gave me a full blown panic attack the next day when we "talked". I completely hate alcohol now because of him
As long as he's not a trashed mess sounds like he thinks he can be "just a little bit" of an Alcoholic. Has he shown any desire for treatment or counseling? Unless he wants to change for himself and his kid, you're in a tough spot. He has to be willing to crawl out of that bottle himself, otherwise It will become a game of false promises, lies and hiding shit if it hasn't already. That's a tough go. I suspect you already know that though.
Other option is to send him down the road until he gets his shit together. Also a tough go. It's even tougher being with someone who is just going to drag you down and just drain you of joy and other resources though. You can't swim with a boat anchor around your neck. Kids need stability and a routine, and like with a chronic drinker is anything but. The kid always has to come first but you have to be in a happy and stable place to do that. Taking care of yourself is a huge part of taking care of others. My wife's dad was a life long drinker, and she is still dealing with the aftermath of growing up with it. It sucked all the joy out of my Mother In Law. My wife hated him growing up. He sobered up about 10 years ago, but their relationship was still permanently damaged by it and she was just starting to work on things and rebuild when he passed from complications after a small procedure during his cancer treatment. Now it's just a whole mess of raw jumbled emotions and old wounds.
And don't ever feel like you can't talk to MU, even if I just end up calling ya a whiny bitch most of the time.
He has never wanted to do treatment or counseling even thought I've suggested it quite a few times over the years. The longest he's been sober was approximately 10 months. From the middle of last August until June 12. I've always had to do damage control (keeping Ravyn away and shielding my parents from the bs) and clean up the messes. All the while trying to keep my own mental state somewhat stable to do what I have to do every day. I don't find joy in much, if anything, anymore. I can't really take jokes or joke around anymore and idk wtf is going on with my sense of humor. Going to shows and seeing friends used to be my favorite things to do. I've realized in the last few years that I don't enjoy either anymore and neither helps with my mental health like they used to. Idk how to repair this damage or if I even can.
I used to enjoy having some drinks maybe a handful of times a year. I drank 1 or 2 beers at a couple shows last year that I went to while Ravyn napped and once at my friends birthday bonfire. That night I had like 16 beers because at some point around midnight he decided he'd "come join me." I got a call 30 min later that the car was fucked. I guess someone ran him off the road and he hit a parked truck. Totalled the fucking car. He claims he didn't have anything to drink prior to this day but I still don't believe that. He got trashed the next day (claims he just had wine but i call bs) and puked all over the bed n shit. That started the 10 month sober streak. Said it was rock bottom and he's quitting because he wanted to.
He started this experiment claiming it was to prove to me that he can control himself and that alcohol isn't the issue anymore. It's always been the issue and I wasn't really sure why he started it in the first place. At some point I think I figured out why when he told me something one of the nights he had a few. He said that during those 10 months when he'd walk by the alcohol he wanted some, doesn't matter what it was, but he never bought it because he didn't want to piss me off. Which clarified to me back when he told me he was getting sober for himself that wasn't necessarily true.
Ever since this experiment I've been completely fucked. So many arguments have happened, my mental state is a complete shit show, and it's caused me to not have any appetite whatsoever. I might be able to eat once a day and when I do it's not much. If I try to eat like I normally would my stomach will hurt for 1-3 hours. I had 4 beers at the Blink 182 concert on an empty stomach (I should have kept it at 2 but it's whatever). I sang all of the tunes because Enema was my shit back in the day. I ended up with the worst migraine of my life and through up xenomorph blood (which I had to make happen). While I was trying to sleep it off he kept coming into the room and drinking that vodka, which woke me up every time. The next day he claims he took care of me and Ravyn (my mom was out there the whole time too), and that I ruined the night. I've also been called a bitch, an asshole, douchebag, etc lmao. Last night I snapped and I swear I tried to kill him, threw my entire body weight into his throat. Idk who I am anymore but I hate myself and now I actually scare myself.
I told him I was done, that this was over, and took all his shit out of the closet. He doesn't believe I'm serious and, to him, we're still together and everything is fine. Everything is far from fine. Someone he knows from school said that he could come stay with him. Idk what's going to happen from here on out but this shit cannot happen anymore. And I just keep all this shit inside of my own self because I don't want to bother anyone with my bs. Other people have enough of their own shit to deal with to have to read and deal with mine lmao. Like, I dont even want to drink anymore alcohol the rest of my life because of this shit. And I'm one of the funniest drunk people around
You might not know what's gonna happen moving forward but you damn well know what's gonna happen if you stay put.
Nothing worse than seeing people with issues pass that shit on to their kid like a baton in a race. What they see growing up is what they think is normal. My kids have some cousins with a mom who drinks a fiction of wine. Her kids don't bat an eye, but my kids were shocked to see a wine glass that fits a whole bottle of wine in it. That's not their normal lol.
Dude, he's tried to tell me multiple times the last month that normal people have a glass of wine everyday. No tf they do not lmao. You know the video of the dumpster floating away in flood water? Set it on fire and that's been my life for quite some time
Shit blows, dude. Although on the bright said Dirk's been in Megadeth for almost a year which means that Mustaine's already contemplating kicking him out so maybe Chris will do that
Soooo...he just continues to buy alcohol and drink it. He's been putting it in water and tea bottles (smart water for example). Then acting like it's not alcohol until after a day he admits what it is. We've had a few conversations/arguments about this shit. How I feel, whatever tf he feels, etc. Last night he said he wanted to be the person he needs to be for me (he wants to be the person that makes me happy, blah blah). And TODAY, bam, alcohol in bottles. So I snapped. Told him to gtfo (he wont). I even chucked the bai bottle with twisted tea in it and it ended up in some neighbors yard on a different street behind my house. I even put essentials into his bag and put it in the car (which is my car) and told him to go. He refuses. So he's just sitting in the room with his alcoholic smart water bottle, not understanding shit, and telling me that all of this is my fault and I'm selfish because I don't care about his feelings. You're fucking right I don't care about your feelings now, you clearly don't give a fuck about mine or the mental damage you've caused and continue to cause. I'm legit getting a migraine now. To top it all off he uses words I've said against me. Like how I've said idc what he does anymore. Like it's some excuse to continue to buy alcohol and consume it. "Well I'm not drunk. It's 4% alcohol, you shouldn't have a problem." Ffs I hate my life
Almost. Got really light headed and started seeing stars at one point (wound up working outside for six hours straight). Drank 7 water bottles but did no good. Shit was sweating out of me as fast as I could drink it.
Comments
It was my birthday today (yesterday now). I don't want to drink anymore but I reluctantly said ok to having a beer with him tonight. Well the food I tried to eat made my stomach hurt so I didn't drink it. But he drank his, mine, and went n bought 6 more. I fucking hate alcohol so much at this point that I don't want to be around anyone who's been drinking
Other option is to send him down the road until he gets his shit together. Also a tough go. It's even tougher being with someone who is just going to drag you down and just drain you of joy and other resources though. You can't swim with a boat anchor around your neck. Kids need stability and a routine, and like with a chronic drinker is anything but. The kid always has to come first but you have to be in a happy and stable place to do that. Taking care of yourself is a huge part of taking care of others. My wife's dad was a life long drinker, and she is still dealing with the aftermath of growing up with it. It sucked all the joy out of my Mother In Law. My wife hated him growing up. He sobered up about 10 years ago, but their relationship was still permanently damaged by it and she was just starting to work on things and rebuild when he passed from complications after a small procedure during his cancer treatment. Now it's just a whole mess of raw jumbled emotions and old wounds.
And don't ever feel like you can't talk to MU, even if I just end up calling ya a whiny bitch most of the time.
I used to enjoy having some drinks maybe a handful of times a year. I drank 1 or 2 beers at a couple shows last year that I went to while Ravyn napped and once at my friends birthday bonfire. That night I had like 16 beers because at some point around midnight he decided he'd "come join me." I got a call 30 min later that the car was fucked. I guess someone ran him off the road and he hit a parked truck. Totalled the fucking car. He claims he didn't have anything to drink prior to this day but I still don't believe that. He got trashed the next day (claims he just had wine but i call bs) and puked all over the bed n shit. That started the 10 month sober streak. Said it was rock bottom and he's quitting because he wanted to.
He started this experiment claiming it was to prove to me that he can control himself and that alcohol isn't the issue anymore. It's always been the issue and I wasn't really sure why he started it in the first place. At some point I think I figured out why when he told me something one of the nights he had a few. He said that during those 10 months when he'd walk by the alcohol he wanted some, doesn't matter what it was, but he never bought it because he didn't want to piss me off. Which clarified to me back when he told me he was getting sober for himself that wasn't necessarily true.
Ever since this experiment I've been completely fucked. So many arguments have happened, my mental state is a complete shit show, and it's caused me to not have any appetite whatsoever. I might be able to eat once a day and when I do it's not much. If I try to eat like I normally would my stomach will hurt for 1-3 hours. I had 4 beers at the Blink 182 concert on an empty stomach (I should have kept it at 2 but it's whatever). I sang all of the tunes because Enema was my shit back in the day. I ended up with the worst migraine of my life and through up xenomorph blood (which I had to make happen). While I was trying to sleep it off he kept coming into the room and drinking that vodka, which woke me up every time. The next day he claims he took care of me and Ravyn (my mom was out there the whole time too), and that I ruined the night. I've also been called a bitch, an asshole, douchebag, etc lmao. Last night I snapped and I swear I tried to kill him, threw my entire body weight into his throat. Idk who I am anymore but I hate myself and now I actually scare myself.
I told him I was done, that this was over, and took all his shit out of the closet. He doesn't believe I'm serious and, to him, we're still together and everything is fine. Everything is far from fine. Someone he knows from school said that he could come stay with him. Idk what's going to happen from here on out but this shit cannot happen anymore. And I just keep all this shit inside of my own self because I don't want to bother anyone with my bs. Other people have enough of their own shit to deal with to have to read and deal with mine lmao. Like, I dont even want to drink anymore alcohol the rest of my life because of this shit. And I'm one of the funniest drunk people around
Tl;dr : Life sucks, alcohol doesn't help
You might not know what's gonna happen moving forward but you damn well know what's gonna happen if you stay put.
Nothing worse than seeing people with issues pass that shit on to their kid like a baton in a race. What they see growing up is what they think is normal. My kids have some cousins with a mom who drinks a fiction of wine. Her kids don't bat an eye, but my kids were shocked to see a wine glass that fits a whole bottle of wine in it. That's not their normal lol.
Do what you gotta do and find some joy again.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)