I stand by what I said, I don't necessarily believe you didn't know that stuff before the first pregnancy. People only tell about 50 percent of the truth anyway so I just have to go with inferring, which can be wrong but it's what I choose believe. People have selective memory. I never said it's all your fault I said it was equally your fault. I guess you can take it personally but I guess I just don't really believe you, I'm sorry. It'd just too crazy a story to think you knew nothing before the pregnancy. If by any chance though that you were literally 100 percent blindsided by everything you have said on here till after the fact then I apologize
This is how I usually try and realistically take in a story one side tells 35percent if the truth Other side tells 35 percent of the truth 30 percent of the truth remains unsaid by both parties
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
I didn't think you were being an asshole, nor do I disagree with the statement of being careful of who you chose for a life partner (and who you have kids with). Additionally I don't think Satan right now would disagree that he made a poor decision when deciding who he would chose for a mate. I also don't think Satan is saying "Poor me" with no learning going on. He's not on a pity party, but just sharing some of the details of the shit he is going though. I dont see Satan sympathy hunting at all.
My only comment is basically summed up with "Easier said than done". It's easy now to look back and say "That's a warning sign" or "that's something that should have been a deal breaker", but it's much harder to do that at the start of a relationship with a smaller sample size of data you had to process that decision. remember, when you first get to know someone, you aren't really getting to know the real them but getting to know their representative which likes to sell you on the benefits and none of the baggage. I've never met a single person where the first time meeting them they let you know all the negative things about them.
And that's my point.... Im not saying Satan shouldn't have been more careful in that relationship. Im not saying he doesnt have any fault to share. Im just saying that it's much harder to have perspective on a person at the start of a relationship then it is at the end. And since people are always changing and evolving, I don't necessarily fault him for not realizing what he does today sooner.
I stand by what I said, I don't necessarily believe you didn't know that stuff before the first pregnancy. People only tell about 50 percent of the truth anyway so I just have to go with inferring, which can be wrong but it's what I choose believe. People have selective memory. I never said it's all your fault I said it was equally your fault. I guess you can take it personally but I guess I just don't really believe you, I'm sorry. It'd just too crazy a story to think you knew nothing before the pregnancy. If by any chance though that you were literally 100 percent blindsided by everything you have said on here till after the fact then I apologize
People change man. Perhaps you'd know this if you had some experiences with long term relationships. I mean correct me if im wrong though, because I am inferring since you've not had a serious gf since I've been a member here.
When it comes down to it, it would ultimately depend on the time table of all the events and knowledge. If he knocked her up in 6 months then yea not much he coulda done there as far as foresight goes but in that case you should be on birth control or using condones or the morning after people if you just couldn't pull out. If they were dating for years then I feel like bad info would've came out. This is not personal, if my best friend who I obv would care for deeply said the same things I would have the same mental thought process. I understand what your saying though wake, but with stories if revenge porn and houses burning down I become very skeptical. Those are not normal things
I stand by what I said, I don't necessarily believe you didn't know that stuff before the first pregnancy. People only tell about 50 percent of the truth anyway so I just have to go with inferring, which can be wrong but it's what I choose believe. People have selective memory. I never said it's all your fault I said it was equally your fault. I guess you can take it personally but I guess I just don't really believe you, I'm sorry. It'd just too crazy a story to think you knew nothing before the pregnancy. If by any chance though that you were literally 100 percent blindsided by everything you have said on here till after the fact then I apologize
People change man. Perhaps you'd know this if you had some experiences with long term relationships. I mean correct me if im wrong though, because I am inferring since you've not had a serious gf since I've been a member here.
The length of my relationships have very little to do with people telling half truths that support there own side. But no I don't really have long term relationships, I'm not entirely sure I would even want one until later in life. Younger people for the most part are too wrapped up in themselves to truly understand what is needed in a life long partnership. That isn't to say it isn't possible tho but I think with every passing generation it is becoming more difficult
Sympathy is nice, but I don't need it. I'm just taking the brunt of the storm now and it's nice to vent. It's hard not to fb about too much of it because I know she's poisoned a lot of people's opinions of me and I think it's unfair not to have my pov shared as well. Tbh, Wake and Monica have been the most helpful people I've consulted with aside from one friend. Prolly cuz they have kids and know what it's like to have another person/variable that they cannot control to deal with in that equation. I'll be fine though. My kids will be fine. I'm prolly whining more now than I'll feel comfortable with later. But this is tough. It's a nightmare tbh. This is the scenario most people would do anything to avoid. I'm doing as well as I think I prolly could be considering. Afaic, my biggest fault in this is expecting another person to put their children ahead of their indulgences
When it comes down to it, it would ultimately depend on the time table of all the events and knowledge. If he knocked her up in 6 months then yea not much he coulda done there as far as foresight goes but in that case you should be on birth control or using condones or the morning after people if you just couldn't pull out
We started dating in early April. She moved in with me at the end of July. She got pregnant on my birthday, which is October 22. Like I said before, I was stupid drunk so it wasn't intentional or thought out on my behalf. My son was born July 11, so do the math.
timelines don't really matter when it comes to finding out people are shitty. i was with my daughters father for almost 5 years, and didn't realize how shitty he was until I got pregnant. he's an asshole and a shit father.
i was with my sons father for 3 months when i got pregnant. he's a shitty boyfriend but hes a great father.
Except you're wrong. Timelines do matter. Statistics prove it, individual cases don't matter. It is proven that children that grow up in a non abusive home with two parents present have a significant higher chance if success in life, feel free to look it up. Nothing in life is a guarantee but not playing the odds when it comes to bringing a life in this world is the wrong choice. You should be established in a MUlti year relationship and financially stable before even thinking about it. In the town I live in it's the number one thing wrong with the town, people having babies without the means of properly supporting them and the town is going to shit. It's the sad white trash cycle of life. I understand no one is perfect but there are steps to at least try and ensure a better environment for your child. Bow the satan thing isn't as bad as I previously thought but how hard would it have been to take a morning after pill? You could effect a living beings life for a hundred years because of two peoples selfishness and laziness. They were not equipped to have a child at that time and they didn't take the proper steps to reduce the odds as much as they should. He is still responsible.
Comments
one side tells 35percent if the truth
Other side tells 35 percent of the truth
30 percent of the truth remains unsaid by both parties
My only comment is basically summed up with "Easier said than done". It's easy now to look back and say "That's a warning sign" or "that's something that should have been a deal breaker", but it's much harder to do that at the start of a relationship with a smaller sample size of data you had to process that decision. remember, when you first get to know someone, you aren't really getting to know the real them but getting to know their representative which likes to sell you on the benefits and none of the baggage. I've never met a single person where the first time meeting them they let you know all the negative things about them.
And that's my point.... Im not saying Satan shouldn't have been more careful in that relationship. Im not saying he doesnt have any fault to share. Im just saying that it's much harder to have perspective on a person at the start of a relationship then it is at the end. And since people are always changing and evolving, I don't necessarily fault him for not realizing what he does today sooner.
i was with my sons father for 3 months when i got pregnant. he's a shitty boyfriend but hes a great father.
It is proven that children that grow up in a non abusive home with two parents present have a significant higher chance if success in life, feel free to look it up. Nothing in life is a guarantee but not playing the odds when it comes to bringing a life in this world is the wrong choice. You should be established in a MUlti year relationship and financially stable before even thinking about it. In the town I live in it's the number one thing wrong with the town, people having babies without the means of properly supporting them and the town is going to shit. It's the sad white trash cycle of life. I understand no one is perfect but there are steps to at least try and ensure a better environment for your child. Bow the satan thing isn't as bad as I previously thought but how hard would it have been to take a morning after pill? You could effect a living beings life for a hundred years because of two peoples selfishness and laziness. They were not equipped to have a child at that time and they didn't take the proper steps to reduce the odds as much as they should. He is still responsible.