"Existence is pain." Word. It is lol (for me at least). If I ever can't take being in my own brain anymore, I'm hanging myself from a tree in the woods somewhere
Life is what ya make it.There is always a way even if it may be difficult. Make the story have a great ending. Sometimes a movie sucks in the beginning but as it goes along you're like..yeah...and it turns out to have a great ending. One you didn't even expect and you are like damn....I didn't see that shit coming. It's up to you yo
"Existence is pain." Word. It is lol (for me at least). If I ever can't take being in my own brain anymore, I'm hanging myself from a tree in the woods somewhere
I'm glad you thought it was a good idea to procreate
I didn't want her. I wanted to go through an adoption agency and find a couple that wanted kids but couldn't. So she could have a happy life she deserves without all this bs including my fucked up self being involved in her life. But no motherfucker in my whole life listened to me. None. Every time I had a complete mental, sobing breakdown about it all I heard was "you just need to calm down, you're fine. You'll be a great mom and we're all sure you want to keep her anyway." Yeah..OK. I'm totally parent material, and Chris? Lmao. It felt like i was backed into and forced to stay in a corner. Every green flashing light was all around adoption yet everyone beat it in my head the whole time like that wasn't an option. Everyone was so excited...but me. I was terrified. I still am. My anxiety has been at a constant 100 since I had her. I have no idea how to relax. The longest I've been away from her since is maybe a day (excluding having to go to Mississippi). I try my best to raise her and not fuck her up but in my head that's all I'm doing..like she's gonna grow up to be a pos because I just failed. I cry every week, I constantly feel like I'm drowning, one inch away from a complete mental breakdown, etc. I'm not ok and I probably never will be again. If it wasn't for her I would have already disappeared and killed myself off in the woods.
There's a reason I never even came out and said I was pregnant on any public level until I was basically 3rd trimester. I didn't even go to a doctor until my 2nd. I just tell myself it'll all get better but I've been doing that for 4 years and it hasn't so far. Through this bs of a pandemic it's just all fucking worse. Tbh I shouldn't have even come back here either. I always feel like no mf likes me anyway and probably for good reason 😂
Tbh, we shouldn't have closed shit. Just let this thing blow through the whole US like a hurricane. You died from it? Knew someone that did? Well people die every day so who tf cares? Y'all would get over it
I have nothing against you Leah. I sympathize with what you're feeling. But it's also time to step it up for the kid and knock that killing yourself shit off. Don't trap her and yourself into the cycle of thinking that she's gonna grow up to be shit. You can do this.
I've been having a shit time mentally for so long idk how to fix it. Concerts and friends usually help but concerts are gone until possibly 2022 and idk when I'd be seeing any of my friends again (last time I seen anyone was the end of Jan). And even then it would only help temporarily. I'm constantly tired and energy is rare. I just don't know what to do anymore
Are you working? That's key. Drown yourself in work and raising your child. Nobody said it's easy. You ain't going to a concert till 2021...MAYBE so forget that. Just work
Fine..Stay home and threaten to kys. I go out and work everyday and Im in NY. It's called being careful and safe also the numbers are skewed but hey you drink the cool aid while you're on the road for Schneider and you call me disabled. I hope you hit a low bridge rookie while being away from home for 3 weeks at a clip making 600 a week. Reach for the stars. Good to be back...Next
We're in a pandemic and she has a young child (at risk) and your advice is to go out and work?
I started this shit by being a dick to her but damn dude you're mentally disabled
I mean look who it’s coming from lmao.
I'm pretty smart. I've managed to raise a family and have zero debt besides a mortgage which I only owe 75g on it which ain't shit. Funny thing is I could pay it off tomorrow but why should I with a 3.25 rate.
I'm just having a holy shit of a terrible mental time rn and it hasn't been great for a long time anyway so that's saying something. I could easily go out and get a job at walmart, krogers, etc through this bs but I can't bring myself to do it w/ Ravyn and my parents being 65+. I only go out when I need to, wear a mask in stores, use hand sanitizer and wash my hands often, etc. Even then my anxiety everytime I come back is "you have it now, have fun with those apples." I haven't been able to hang out with anyone since Jan 24 (and that was a benefit at a bar for someone I went to school with's funeral expenses) and idk when I will again. I've been writing in a journal not long after Cheeto puff declared this a national emergency. Last thing I went out and did was go to the Penguins Vs Capitals game like March 11th (every time I go we lose). My dad and I were gonna go to the last regular season home game but obv everything got the axe lol.
I'm either ok or one toe stub away from a complete mental breakdown. And I've had a few of those already the last few years.
Real talk, you're cool as hell Leah. It sounds like you're doing all you can, this is just a really shitty situation you're in given the people around you and the current situation in the world not helping things at all. I hope you're able to get through this.
Comments
There's a reason I never even came out and said I was pregnant on any public level until I was basically 3rd trimester. I didn't even go to a doctor until my 2nd. I just tell myself it'll all get better but I've been doing that for 4 years and it hasn't so far. Through this bs of a pandemic it's just all fucking worse. Tbh I shouldn't have even come back here either. I always feel like no mf likes me anyway and probably for good reason 😂
Raising kids is tough
Dont beat yourself up
I started this shit by being a dick to her but damn dude you're mentally disabled
I'm either ok or one toe stub away from a complete mental breakdown. And I've had a few of those already the last few years.