A rant: Its been over a year since I last talked to Ms. McFuck. Sometimes I miss hanging with her, but I refuse to fall back into that whole thing. Its obvious to me now that I put her on an untouchable pedestal, and it wasn't good.
I thought I'd be in a better mental state by now, but Im not. I thought ceasing communication with her, graduating, getting a job in my field, and being back home would ease a lot of the frustration that had been building up these past four years. But it isn't really any better.
I miss performing. I miss writing and recording music. Ableist in Nashville was a godsend. It helped me vent. It helped me create. But now I face the same problem living back in Illinois as I did with The Draconian Crusade while I lived in Nashville. And I've tried to get TDC back together since I've been back too. My drummer has no interest at all. And my bass player has minimal interest. I mean, I get it, they looked at the band as more of a hobby, but I was serious about it. And I still am. I still want to play shows and write new music. Since I've been back I've convinced my bassist to come over and practice once, and we only practiced for about an hour before he wanted to quit, and go play vidyas with his girlfriend (who came with). Again, I understand he looks at it like a hobby, but its frustrating for me. And Im struggling to find other musicians to jam with. One of my coworkers is a drummer who used to be in tech-deathcore band. Im down to jam with him, but we havent jammed. And he's planning on leaving to go to the police academy soon, so who knows if he'd be able to play long-term. And I've had one other person approach me about jamming, but he cancelled at the last minute. And Im not confident enough in my own abilities to try and join someone else's band. I want to be a part of it from the ground up.
Its not like I'm not hanging out with the TDC guys though. We hang out at least once a week still. My bassist has a girlfriend, she's part of the group now too since they're dating. And my drummer and I run Under The Bun which is a work in progress. And I'm happy with UTB. So its not like I'm mad at the guys. I just need a band.
Similarly I feel frustrated with my job and my prospects as a producer and recording engineer. Im working at a music studio. It should be easy for me to find artists to work with. Yet I havent worked with anyone. I've had three possible assisting sessions cancel on me, and a live tech gig cancel on me. I know its going to be a slow process. I know I've only been out of school for a few months. But the longer it takes for me to start working in my desired field, the harder its going to be for me to get in there. There's only so much time that can pass before saying "Im a recent college grad" stops being relevant. Its another thing that I dont really know how to do. Get clients and get my name out there. My manager who is also a sound engineer says it takes upwards of seven years to start having steady clients. Thats a long time to be living off of working part time at a front desk for $13 an hour.
And that brings me back to my manager. He's been doing this for like 6 years. Working on the side on recording gigs and live sound gigs. He just went on tour with Wolfmother, which was basically the job of his dreams. They offered to take him to Europe to be their tour manager and sound guy, and he refused because he as a wife and kid. He turned down his dream job. Which solidifies to me that its a good thing that I dont have a girlfriend right now, because the industry Im trying to break into isn't very conductive of a relationship. Especially, at least, at the start of entrance.
Despite that my fear of girls and relationships is growing, I still kinda want a relationship. But like with everything else in my life, I dont even know where to start. I'm literally the only person I know who didn't even go on a single date through all of college. Didnt even go to one party and talk to a girl. All of the female friends I made in college were already in relationships. And there is no one at work. The two women I work with are either married or too old for me. I dont hang out with girls, at all, period. I dont even talk to any anymore. 0. Dont know where to meet them. Dont know where is appropriate anymore. And if I did I dont know how to talk to them in a way that facilitates a romantic relationship stemming from the encounter. Its another failure. Like performing in a band. I have plans to go to Six Flags with my friends/the two dudes from TDC in a few weeks, but Im kind of dreading it because my bassist is bringing his girlfriend, and my drummer got a girl from work that he's interested in to agree to go with him, and its gonna suck being a fifth wheel.
I'm at a loss in my life. I just feel like everyday is the same monotonous shit, and I dont know how to break out of it. I dont know how to find people to start a band with right now. I dont know how to get clients to record or produce for. I dont know how to meet or talk to women. And when I try, it fails. And Im getting sick of it. Im just depressed and tired all the time. At least my Youtube channel is still a thing for now.
Our current political/socio-political culture doesn't help either. Constant ideological strife, and anger. I feel like a hallow apathetic shell of what I once was.
Still true. You have to remember I'm already an unattractive nerd loser. And Im sex-phobic. So Im not looking for hook ups, or simple dates. Im looking for relationships.
Although its gotten bad to the point where I pretty much no longer have a physical standard. I think like 80-90% of all the women I've seen in public lately were attractive. I still have an incredibly high personality standard though.
Dude don't stress too much on not finding people to play with. You don't want to force something like that anyways. Just worry about yourself, put the practice time in everyday, and eventually the people you want to play with will come to you.
If you really wanted a girlfriend you would try a dating site. You're too much of a fucking wreck to get past the initial steps of meeting women irl so let a service do it for you. There's no shame in adapting to the world around you. Kil
Still true. You have to remember I'm already an unattractive nerd loser. And Im sex-phobic. So Im not looking for hook ups, or simple dates. Im looking for relationships.
Although its gotten bad to the point where I pretty much no longer have a physical standard. I think like 80-90% of all the women I've seen in public lately were attractive. I still have an incredibly high personality standard though.
Step 1: Realize even if you don't want hook-ups, you will never have a relationship either without givin out dick. Unless you find a super conservative bitch who absolutely refuses sex til marriage, (Better luck findin a needle in a haystack.) it ain't gonna happen. Everybody fucks and everybody wants to fuck. And if you ain't givin it to her she'll quickly move on to someone who will.
Like didn't you say you wouldn't even kiss your last "girlfriend"? How does that even qualify as a relationship? That's friends lol.
My advice is to stop trying to force things with girls. I think you worry about girls way more than you should, especially if you're not in any rush to be in a normal relationship. You definitely think too far into crazy shit. Like you talking about dude skipping Wolfmother because of the wife and kids. For one, you don't even know that entire story. I've blamed tons of shit on me having kids and a girl that I really just didn't want to do. Unless you like shitty food and shittier drugs, being a roadie isn't all that. Especially when working for bands like that. It might be different if he had The Stones or Elton John calling. There's bigger perks there. I definitely wouldn't take this dude saying he bailed on that tour because of the wife and kids deter you from talking to girls because one might want to carry your hideous fucking chud of a kid (nooch!). Just let stuff happen organically. Control what you can. Finding new people to play music with is something you can control to a larger degree because if you really dedicate yourself to it you can find people. It just depends mostly on how wide of a net you cast. You guys are so spoiled when it comes to finding musicians online. My first 2 bands, we had to get money together and put ads in the newspaper and hope cool people saw. I found my first drummer at a Tool concert because I wrote "NEED DRUMMER" and my phone number on my shirt. Just be adamant about putting lots of ads out. I'd hit musician groups on fb, local musician blogs, local musician forums, etc. Be willing to travel and meet people. If it means that much to you, you gotta work for it. Expecting people in your immediate vicinity to be dedicated to your type of music is lazy and will not work. The people that end up in bands that are just 3 high school bros are few and far between. Most musicians aren't that lucky. More than a few have uprooted and moved cities to find scenes more up their alley. In terms of your production and engineering work: get some business cards. Take them to shows and hand them out. People will call you. Gotta push it and make people think you know what you're doing. 90% of succeeding in any given field is convincing others that you're great at what you do. Unless you totally suck, people will respond to it if for no other reason than that they don't know any better. So many bands are just happy to be getting studio time. They think any engineer that gets better sound than their iphone in a garage is Rick Rubin. You're actually really lucky to be in the area you're in because Steve Albini and Electrical Audio are near. Outside of Kurt Ballou's GodCity, there's not much better ground zero for the music of misanthropes
Yeah dude for real on that one. I'm a good example. Iv worked in insurance for 2+ years now and I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing at all. I put myself in an uncomfortable situation and forced myself to do it and it's just now that I'm really being able to see thinngs pay off. I'm getting opportunities with this company I wouldn't get anywhere else. They took a chance on me because they knew me l, but I wouldn't have stuck if I wasn't willing to grow. You have to get rid of that stigma that you're scared to make a mistake or fuck things up. People and companies value people who throw themselves out there. People who will be honest and admit when they fuck up. Rather than someone who won't go get it. Who will try to cover up their mistakes. If your nervous about something, go out there and do it, and if you fuck up just admit and everyone will just forgive you and Brush it aside.
Still true. You have to remember I'm already an unattractive nerd loser. And Im sex-phobic. So Im not looking for hook ups, or simple dates. Im looking for relationships.
Although its gotten bad to the point where I pretty much no longer have a physical standard. I think like 80-90% of all the women I've seen in public lately were attractive. I still have an incredibly high personality standard though.
Step 1: Realize even if you don't want hook-ups, you will never have a relationship either without givin out dick. Unless you find a super conservative bitch who absolutely refuses sex til marriage, (Better luck findin a needle in a haystack.) it ain't gonna happen. Everybody fucks and everybody wants to fuck. And if you ain't givin it to her she'll quickly move on to someone who will.
Like didn't you say you wouldn't even kiss your last "girlfriend"? How does that even qualify as a relationship? That's friends lol.
Still true. You have to remember I'm already an unattractive nerd loser. And Im sex-phobic. So Im not looking for hook ups, or simple dates. Im looking for relationships.
Although its gotten bad to the point where I pretty much no longer have a physical standard. I think like 80-90% of all the women I've seen in public lately were attractive. I still have an incredibly high personality standard though.
Step 1: Realize even if you don't want hook-ups, you will never have a relationship either without givin out dick. Unless you find a super conservative bitch who absolutely refuses sex til marriage, (Better luck findin a needle in a haystack.) it ain't gonna happen. Everybody fucks and everybody wants to fuck. And if you ain't givin it to her she'll quickly move on to someone who will.
Like didn't you say you wouldn't even kiss your last "girlfriend"? How does that even qualify as a relationship? That's friends lol.
erik ure fukkin idiot just cuz all the bitchz in ure town r whores doesnt mean the whole fukkin world
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
Comments
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
Its been over a year since I last talked to Ms. McFuck. Sometimes I miss hanging with her, but I refuse to fall back into that whole thing. Its obvious to me now that I put her on an untouchable pedestal, and it wasn't good.
I thought I'd be in a better mental state by now, but Im not. I thought ceasing communication with her, graduating, getting a job in my field, and being back home would ease a lot of the frustration that had been building up these past four years. But it isn't really any better.
I miss performing. I miss writing and recording music. Ableist in Nashville was a godsend. It helped me vent. It helped me create. But now I face the same problem living back in Illinois as I did with The Draconian Crusade while I lived in Nashville. And I've tried to get TDC back together since I've been back too. My drummer has no interest at all. And my bass player has minimal interest. I mean, I get it, they looked at the band as more of a hobby, but I was serious about it. And I still am. I still want to play shows and write new music. Since I've been back I've convinced my bassist to come over and practice once, and we only practiced for about an hour before he wanted to quit, and go play vidyas with his girlfriend (who came with). Again, I understand he looks at it like a hobby, but its frustrating for me. And Im struggling to find other musicians to jam with. One of my coworkers is a drummer who used to be in tech-deathcore band. Im down to jam with him, but we havent jammed. And he's planning on leaving to go to the police academy soon, so who knows if he'd be able to play long-term. And I've had one other person approach me about jamming, but he cancelled at the last minute. And Im not confident enough in my own abilities to try and join someone else's band. I want to be a part of it from the ground up.
Its not like I'm not hanging out with the TDC guys though. We hang out at least once a week still. My bassist has a girlfriend, she's part of the group now too since they're dating. And my drummer and I run Under The Bun which is a work in progress. And I'm happy with UTB. So its not like I'm mad at the guys. I just need a band.
Similarly I feel frustrated with my job and my prospects as a producer and recording engineer. Im working at a music studio. It should be easy for me to find artists to work with. Yet I havent worked with anyone. I've had three possible assisting sessions cancel on me, and a live tech gig cancel on me. I know its going to be a slow process. I know I've only been out of school for a few months. But the longer it takes for me to start working in my desired field, the harder its going to be for me to get in there. There's only so much time that can pass before saying "Im a recent college grad" stops being relevant. Its another thing that I dont really know how to do. Get clients and get my name out there. My manager who is also a sound engineer says it takes upwards of seven years to start having steady clients. Thats a long time to be living off of working part time at a front desk for $13 an hour.
And that brings me back to my manager. He's been doing this for like 6 years. Working on the side on recording gigs and live sound gigs. He just went on tour with Wolfmother, which was basically the job of his dreams. They offered to take him to Europe to be their tour manager and sound guy, and he refused because he as a wife and kid. He turned down his dream job. Which solidifies to me that its a good thing that I dont have a girlfriend right now, because the industry Im trying to break into isn't very conductive of a relationship. Especially, at least, at the start of entrance.
Despite that my fear of girls and relationships is growing, I still kinda want a relationship. But like with everything else in my life, I dont even know where to start. I'm literally the only person I know who didn't even go on a single date through all of college. Didnt even go to one party and talk to a girl. All of the female friends I made in college were already in relationships. And there is no one at work. The two women I work with are either married or too old for me. I dont hang out with girls, at all, period. I dont even talk to any anymore. 0. Dont know where to meet them. Dont know where is appropriate anymore. And if I did I dont know how to talk to them in a way that facilitates a romantic relationship stemming from the encounter. Its another failure. Like performing in a band. I have plans to go to Six Flags with my friends/the two dudes from TDC in a few weeks, but Im kind of dreading it because my bassist is bringing his girlfriend, and my drummer got a girl from work that he's interested in to agree to go with him, and its gonna suck being a fifth wheel.
I'm at a loss in my life. I just feel like everyday is the same monotonous shit, and I dont know how to break out of it. I dont know how to find people to start a band with right now. I dont know how to get clients to record or produce for. I dont know how to meet or talk to women. And when I try, it fails. And Im getting sick of it. Im just depressed and tired all the time. At least my Youtube channel is still a thing for now.
/rant
inb4Jobecomesatme
:-|
Although its gotten bad to the point where I pretty much no longer have a physical standard. I think like 80-90% of all the women I've seen in public lately were attractive. I still have an incredibly high personality standard though.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
Like didn't you say you wouldn't even kiss your last "girlfriend"? How does that even qualify as a relationship? That's friends lol.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)