A Sad Realization... by Erik Peterson on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 10:36pm
I've come to a sad realization. That I'm nothing special. I mean, I've always known that, but I thought I was at least.....unique or "special" in some way, but no, not at all. I'm a boring, awkward, shy, and angry introvert. I can't even stand to be around most people, and I hate mankind as a whole. And I'm too shy to even say hello to most people. And I never really admitted it, but it's time to admit that I AM an angry person. Not explosive angry, but angry at the world, always hating everyone and everything, always looking at the dark side, never bothering to even look at the light, feeling like the world owes me something, when it doesn't owe me a damn thing. This life, this planet, this Earth, IS beautiful. But it's all been so corrupted and destroyed beyond belief. But that's not to say that there aren't beautiful and amazing things to look at and discover in life, but I can never seem to do that.
And hey, I have an amazing Girlfriend who's always at my side and there for me, and 2 best friends, Kurt and Jamie, but other than that, my only "friends", the only people I could consider friends, if you can call it that, are a bunch of people from an internet forum. Not only from an internet forum, but people who relentlessly bash and attack me for everything I do. But you know what, I'm finally seeing some reasoning. Maybe they were right all along, and maybe I DID deserve it. I truly am nothing but a pathetic 14 year old. Nothing I say or do will impact the world or change anything, no matter how much I may want that to be so. I'm no one's authority or hierarchy. I'm just another being born on this world to live through the cycle of life and die. The cruel circle.
Another thing, is I always said that Music will be there for me, which it will, but why would I even THINK that anyone would want me in a band with the way I am? Stubborn, jealous, and boring. No one would want to tolerate me. Plus, one of the only things I ever thought positive, or "special" about myself, was my Musical "talent" and ability. Which is really nothing special at all. Sure, I have the ability to keep a rhythm and play the Drums, but I'm nothing special at them. I'm at the average skill level of any other 2 year Drummer. I'll always play Drums, but I don't need a band. A band doesn't need me either. I'd bore the band too, because let's face it, almost any Metal band I can find or assemble, would want to drink or smoke together, and since I do neither, of course I'd be the one crashing the party on that.
Anyways, lots of people hate me, and with good reason, and I finally see exactly why, very clearly.
Comments
by Erik Peterson on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 10:36pm
I've come to a sad realization. That I'm nothing special. I mean, I've always known that, but I thought I was at least.....unique or "special" in some way, but no, not at all. I'm a boring, awkward, shy, and angry introvert. I can't even stand to be around most people, and I hate mankind as a whole. And I'm too shy to even say hello to most people. And I never really admitted it, but it's time to admit that I AM an angry person. Not explosive angry, but angry at the world, always hating everyone and everything, always looking at the dark side, never bothering to even look at the light, feeling like the world owes me something, when it doesn't owe me a damn thing. This life, this planet, this Earth, IS beautiful. But it's all been so corrupted and destroyed beyond belief. But that's not to say that there aren't beautiful and amazing things to look at and discover in life, but I can never seem to do that.
And hey, I have an amazing Girlfriend who's always at my side and there for me, and 2 best friends, Kurt and Jamie, but other than that, my only "friends", the only people I could consider friends, if you can call it that, are a bunch of people from an internet forum. Not only from an internet forum, but people who relentlessly bash and attack me for everything I do. But you know what, I'm finally seeing some reasoning. Maybe they were right all along, and maybe I DID deserve it. I truly am nothing but a pathetic 14 year old. Nothing I say or do will impact the world or change anything, no matter how much I may want that to be so. I'm no one's authority or hierarchy. I'm just another being born on this world to live through the cycle of life and die. The cruel circle.
Another thing, is I always said that Music will be there for me, which it will, but why would I even THINK that anyone would want me in a band with the way I am? Stubborn, jealous, and boring. No one would want to tolerate me. Plus, one of the only things I ever thought positive, or "special" about myself, was my Musical "talent" and ability. Which is really nothing special at all. Sure, I have the ability to keep a rhythm and play the Drums, but I'm nothing special at them. I'm at the average skill level of any other 2 year Drummer. I'll always play Drums, but I don't need a band. A band doesn't need me either. I'd bore the band too, because let's face it, almost any Metal band I can find or assemble, would want to drink or smoke together, and since I do neither, of course I'd be the one crashing the party on that.
Anyways, lots of people hate me, and with good reason, and I finally see exactly why, very clearly.
Fixed.
its like his dreams were crushed now that he knows he cant dominate the world or be someone important
nooooootthhinnng spppecciiiiaaaalll