Just wish i had been able to make more of an effort to help, but I honestly never knew anything was ever wrong. She was always the most carefree person, at least it seemed so.
People that are struggling internally keep it hidden and to themselves 99% of the time or more. They can even seem like the happiest, funniest, carefree, down to earth, etc kind of people. Then one day they're gone because they couldn't take their struggle anymore. You have to get to an unexplainable, unimaginable dark place in order to make that decision and go through with it though
There's something that most people don't understand about all of it. It takes an incredibly strong willed individual to actually go through with it. I was at a point back in July where I contemplated it. I had it planned out at work. I was going to wait two weeks for my health insurance to kick in at work, and then one day i was just going to fall, or something. Because quite frankly, I didn't really see any future for me worthwhile. The only "future" i have is in construction, and it makes me miserable. The reason i always seem to vent the most random bullshit on here, even though I know 9/10 times it's just going to be made fun of, is because i hate being anywhere near most of my family. If i don't absolutely have to be, I'm not around them. I'm not posting that shit on FB because i don't want the majority of people on there reading it. But i figured out fairly quickly that despite what I had thought, I wasn't strong enough to do that. I've never heard of some random, dumb piece of shit weakling committing suicide. Everyone I know and have heard of that went through with it were some of the strongest people I've ever met. But honestly, I'm getting tired of burying friends. 3 is 3 too many for anyone to have to do. (not physically bury, but you get the point). Maria will be greatly missed, much more so than i would be. Idk, but i hate this. I wish i could do something, but i can't.
Yeah, you have to be. I've contemplated it 100's of times and planned it out almost as much. I attempted it once and tried to mask it to seem accidental. My choice was using alcohol, my only mistake was I was drinking with 2 people and the other 2 weren't. So after I blacked out I only remember flashes. The next day is when I found out that if they weren't around, I would have inhaled my own puke. It would have worked. But I'm glad it failed or I wouldn't be where I'm at today.
I've been the person trying to talk people out of it. Back when I was your normal suburban kid without any troubles or hardships in life I didn't understand why anyone would actually feel the desire to end their own life. I get it now. I don't want to personally because I feel like killing myself would be letting the terrorists win but I fucking get it lol.
I wasn't even extremely close with her, though we were good friends, we just lost touch for a while. And i know I will always regret that. But the absolute worst thing was seeing some of my closer friends who were like family with her, seeing them react and cry the way they did.
Never had a suicidal thought in my life but i don't judge people who have. Despite constant bitching I genuinely feel life and people are mostly good and worth it
I found out last night that my best friend of more than 20 years is stabbing me in the back trying to fuck Amanda. I've kinda lost all faith in humanity
I've got one text from him since February. I thought he was just getting sober again because that's what he does when he's sobering up, he kinda shuts everyone out. I got into her phone last night after she passed out and he has been texting her regularly since at least August with lots of little petty shots at me. It's fucked and it's blowing my mind. He was like a brother to me. I actually just talked to his sister a couple of days ago and I talked to his mom last week. I can't trust anyone anymore
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From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
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From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
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blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)