Im an honest guy. My nature is to be honest rather than beat around the bush. What else was I supposed to do? Sit around playing these stupid games waiting for her to find some other dude without ever hearing how I think about her? Now at least she knows exactly what I think about her. If she doesn't have feelings for me after that, she never will.
What I would say to her is this :
"I've done some reflecting on where I am in life. I value your friendship immensely, however I am also hopelessly in love with you. It's impossible for me to lose these feelings of love for you, while we continue being the sort of friends we are. I am torn because I don't want to stop being friends, however I also want to stop hurting because you don't have the same sort of feelings towards me. I don't fault you for not feeling the same, and I feel stupid that I can't just stop having feelings for you, but I need to take action and change things such that I can heal. So we need to end our friendship for now, until such a time that I can properly move on from you and put to bed these lingering feelings. I hope that we can be friends in the future. And I will totally contact you when I feel I have sufficiently moved on such that we can just continue to be "just friends" as you would like. I really hope the best for you... Next Christmas break, lets plan on getting together for Coffee. That will probably be enough time for me"
WakeOfAshesPosts: 21,665destroyer of motherfuckers
What did you say after she said "Honestly Im not sure why you have trouble with this stuff either"?
Perhaps I am misunderstanding the context but my thought was "What the fuck?!?! You don't understand why he has problems getting you to be his girlfriend either???" That makes it sound like she thinks you'd have no problems getting any girl, right after you just confessed that she's the only girl you want. Bitch makes no sense
Honestly probably wont ever find another girl I like remotely as much. Im going to back to not trying. Going to drink a lot this weekend.
When I was your age I fell hard for my first real gf. I'd literally have taken a bullet to the head to save her from anything. I wont bore you with the details, but it ultimately didn't work out. Luckily for me, it was a total breakoff without being friends, so I didn't have the constant reminder of how amazing she was. I felt the same way as you... I'd never find another girl that was anywhere close to the perfection she was.
Anyways, it literally took me probably 2 full years to get over her and stop wondering about her. It stopped hurting after about 6 months. I saw her about 2-3 years later and she apologized for all the crap she did to me, and it was weird because I didn't even care at that point. I wasn't in love with her, and really didnt even have any interest in wanting to get back with her.
Getting to the point - I've found over my life that there are lots of women in the world that could be just as great as this girl was for me. There isnt just one. Sure it might be difficult to find one as special as that one, but they are out there and they do exist. You likely wont be able to find one of these others until you are completely over this one. That's why I advocate you cutting off the friendship so you can working on healing, moving on, and spending more time in finding the one who is worth your effort because she feels the same way back to you.
You say you will never find another girl you like remotely as much... and I say Bullshit. They are out there. You just need to put this one behind you.
I've said before I don't want to completely write her off as a friend. Despite how she may come off as leading me on sometimes (subconsciously or not), she is a really good friend who I genuinely like being around.
But your right. When we first broke up back in high school, the six months we stopped talking was easiest for me to get over her. After we started hanging again it was this on-again-off-again train wreck of feelings for her until this summer, where I basically flat out totally fell for her. Its hard.
And I'm definitely a problem too. I quite honestly don't give a shit about other girls, or finding another girl to potentially date. I've already found someone who is basically perfect for me, so why should I settle on a girl who lacks? And I recognize this makes me kind of a picky asshole, but its who I am.
Until and unless I find another girl who I can be friends with first, who I already like and want to spend time with just to hangout. Who likes metal/punk/rock, and enjoys watching stupid movies and playing videogames, and likes the same kind of TV. Who isn't superficial and fake, and isn't a cunty bitch, and isn't some slut who wants sex more than a deep and complex relationship, and who is on par with my intelligence and creative outlook. And who hasn't had sex yet. Then I'm not willing or wanting to try another girl.
What did you say after she said "Honestly Im not sure why you have trouble with this stuff either"?
Perhaps I am misunderstanding the context but my thought was "What the fuck?!?! You don't understand why he has problems getting you to be his girlfriend either???" That makes it sound like she thinks you'd have no problems getting any girl, right after you just confessed that she's the only girl you want. Bitch makes no sense
She was saying she doesn't know why I have a hard time finding girls who are interested in me. Which, exactly as you said, "what the fuck, YOU'RE not even interested in me"
What did you say after she said "Honestly Im not sure why you have trouble with this stuff either"?
Oh, I misread that first line: The convo continued: Me: "Probably because I'm geeky, and keep to myself, and am insecure, and picky" Her: "Probably just the insecure thing. Girls like all that other stuff usually. Especially since you're gigantic and scary looking"
Like i get what youre saying about you want to be honest and everything, which is a good thing. I live my life trying to be 100% honest with everything i do. The thing with women is if the sniff even one ounce of desperation they are not interested. Chicks don't want a dude who seems desperate, they want someone who is strong, and secure in themselves. SOmeone who they feel like is going to protect them.
Like i get what youre saying about you want to be honest and everything, which is a good thing. I live my life trying to be 100% honest with everything i do. The thing with women is if the sniff even one ounce of desperation they are not interested. Chicks don't want a dude who seems desperate, they want someone who is strong, and secure in themselves. SOmeone who they feel like is going to protect them.
Until and unless I find another girl who I can be friends with first, who I already like and want to spend time with just to hangout. Who likes metal/punk/rock, and enjoys watching stupid movies and playing videogames, and likes the same kind of TV. Who isn't superficial and fake, and isn't a cunty bitch, and isn't some slut who wants sex more than a deep and complex relationship, and who is on par with my intelligence and creative outlook. And who hasn't had sex yet. Then I'm not willing or wanting to try another girl.
you gotta lower those standards ) that's gonna be a difficult one. And even if you find another person like that, notice your approach will keep you in the same position you are already in
Comments
"I've done some reflecting on where I am in life. I value your friendship immensely, however I am also hopelessly in love with you. It's impossible for me to lose these feelings of love for you, while we continue being the sort of friends we are. I am torn because I don't want to stop being friends, however I also want to stop hurting because you don't have the same sort of feelings towards me. I don't fault you for not feeling the same, and I feel stupid that I can't just stop having feelings for you, but I need to take action and change things such that I can heal. So we need to end our friendship for now, until such a time that I can properly move on from you and put to bed these lingering feelings. I hope that we can be friends in the future. And I will totally contact you when I feel I have sufficiently moved on such that we can just continue to be "just friends" as you would like. I really hope the best for you... Next Christmas break, lets plan on getting together for Coffee. That will probably be enough time for me"
Perhaps I am misunderstanding the context but my thought was "What the fuck?!?! You don't understand why he has problems getting you to be his girlfriend either???" That makes it sound like she thinks you'd have no problems getting any girl, right after you just confessed that she's the only girl you want. Bitch makes no sense
But your right. When we first broke up back in high school, the six months we stopped talking was easiest for me to get over her. After we started hanging again it was this on-again-off-again train wreck of feelings for her until this summer, where I basically flat out totally fell for her. Its hard.
And I'm definitely a problem too. I quite honestly don't give a shit about other girls, or finding another girl to potentially date. I've already found someone who is basically perfect for me, so why should I settle on a girl who lacks? And I recognize this makes me kind of a picky asshole, but its who I am.
Until and unless I find another girl who I can be friends with first, who I already like and want to spend time with just to hangout. Who likes metal/punk/rock, and enjoys watching stupid movies and playing videogames, and likes the same kind of TV. Who isn't superficial and fake, and isn't a cunty bitch, and isn't some slut who wants sex more than a deep and complex relationship, and who is on par with my intelligence and creative outlook. And who hasn't had sex yet. Then I'm not willing or wanting to try another girl.
The convo continued:
Me: "Probably because I'm geeky, and keep to myself, and am insecure, and picky"
Her: "Probably just the insecure thing. Girls like all that other stuff usually. Especially since you're gigantic and scary looking"
Convo ended. Haven't talked to her again yet.
>fake confidence
>lame. dipping
Yeah.