I'm lower than I have ever been right now... Just got off Skype with my mom, and just talking about school depressed the fuck out of me. I'm going nowhere in life. I've lost all my drive and focus. My passion is drying up. I'm a failure. Straight up. Haven't so much as wrote a song in a year. Can't find a band. I feel like I've plateaued as a guitarist. My music "career" is dead. My blog is dead. Haven't recorded anybody outside of class last year. Not that I have that people would have me to produce anyways when it seems like everyone around me is more talented and better equipped for the job. I'm actually doing well in school this year. So far straight As. But I'm just going through the motions of class. All my friends are back home, doing their own things. Working on their lives. My brother is off at college. Nobody needs me anymore. I used to feel like I had some sort of "leadership" role in my friend group. Thought I was somebody my friends and brother looked up to, or could come to in a bind. But I don't feel that way anymore. I honestly feel like I will die alone. That all my friends and family will have moved on, and gotten married and families and all that, I will be living alone for the rest of my life - watching as everyone I care about moves on with their lives. And the thing is, I don't know what I can do to make it any better. I like playing videogames, and watching bullshit TV, and reading comics - and don't want to cut that out of my life. But it also isn't all that fullfilling, nor advancing to my goals. They're important to who I am, but they're just past-times. I don't know what would make me happy at this point. And I'm at the point where I'm seriously thinking about giving up on my dreams, and getting a regular job and living life like a regular Jack-off. Because when I honestly think about it: I'm not talented enough, nor unique enough to make it in the music industry. At this school, I look around me and I constantly see people already making it happen. People who were already making it happen before they even left high school. I'm behind. Way behind. And at this point I don't think I can catch up to the level of success and creativity my peers, and competition possess.
And the sad thing is, I'm starting to think about suicide again. I'm not suicidal. Do not confuse it with that. I do not want to kill myself. Mainly because I do not want to hurt my friends and family, and make them feel guilty or sad. But I'm thinking about it in the sense that I'm ok with dying.
Comments
http://anonhq.com/to-protect-and-serve-oklahoma-cop-charged-with-rapes-and-sexual-assaults/
get your own place faggot
>unless someone is in there
nice to know that you shit with the door open with people in the building.
And the sad thing is, I'm starting to think about suicide again. I'm not suicidal. Do not confuse it with that. I do not want to kill myself. Mainly because I do not want to hurt my friends and family, and make them feel guilty or sad. But I'm thinking about it in the sense that I'm ok with dying.