I just feel, empty, not about any one specific reason/thing, just in general.
I got off work early today, and so for the last two hours I've just been sitting around in dead silence, thinking about where I'm at, what i want to, or things I wish were different.
As much as I enjoy it, sometimes I hate silence, it forces me to reflect on myself, and makes me realize that I hate part of myself.
All uninteresting
There seriously must be something in the water.
It doesn't help that allison calls/texts me nonstop, and on top of it I have to decide what to do about work. We build water tanks, and once the current job is finished, there's a possibility they might be going over seas for around two years in October/November. It's an insanely good money opportunity, and I'd be getting to travel, but I just don't know if i could up and leave for that long. I don't exactly have very many people close to me, or a whole lot going on, but the little I do have is making this decision harder. I don't have to ultimately choose for a couple months, but it's eating at me.
FF take that opportunity to travel with work
Travelling and exploring the world is an amazing life changing fantastic experience
And if someone else is paying you to do it....take that bull by the horns man and go!
Plus they would pay you to return home for breaks on a regular basis I imagine
Also our brother came home last night, everyone was at each other's throats, I ended up just leaving to walk (in the rain) through my neighborhood. It was better than sitting at home and listening to everyone argue over bullshit. And around 10:15 last night, Allison came by here, we talked for a good hour or so. She told me that she's unsure about the guy that she is with, and that she apparently talks to me more often, and that she's been thinking about me all week, and whatnot. At first I didn't really believe what she was saying completely, but some stuff happened and idk, i just couldn't help myself, she has this certain way about her that's just comforting, in a sense.
I really, really want everything she said to be true, but I don't want to expect it to be so and end up just being completely devastated in the end. I also don't want to just wait around for something that might not even happen.
Although I don't think the middle east is the most sought after location to visit, it might be a great eye opening experience.
Probably not, but that's kinda why there's work there. It's insanely good money. I was talking to this guy Brian who went with this company to Qatar last summer, they were there for 14 months and he came back with 90k tax free.
Also our brother came home last night, everyone was at each other's throats, I ended up just leaving to walk (in the rain) through my neighborhood. It was better than sitting at home and listening to everyone argue over bullshit. And around 10:15 last night, Allison came by here, we talked for a good hour or so. She told me that she's unsure about the guy that she is with, and that she apparently talks to me more often, and that she's been thinking about me all week, and whatnot. At first I didn't really believe what she was saying completely, but some stuff happened and idk, i just couldn't help myself, she has this certain way about her that's just comforting, in a sense.
I really, really want everything she said to be true, but I don't want to expect it to be so and end up just being completely devastated in the end. I also don't want to just wait around for something that might not even happen.
I've told her I care about her(more than i thought i ever would, honestly).
Last night (before she came over around 10:15) she randomly texted me probably around 9:30 or so, asking me how I was, i told her about the crap going on at home and that i was having one of the shittiest days I've had in a long time... And she told me to meet her down the street from my place in this church parking lot, which I did. Idk, I just honestly couldn't name you another person who would drive out and come see me cause i was having a shitty day/week, which is one of the many things that happened that's made me think about her more. We basically just stood next to her car for the entire hour, almost the entire time she leaned up against me, head pressed to my chest or in my neck... We talked about in general things for a while, then just kinda stood there for a few minutes without hardly saying anything. I could feel like she wanted to do or say something, but that she was afraid too, for whatever reason. The hour felt like only a few minutes, but in the weirdest way it was comforting, it's the only time in recent memory where any of the bullshit I've dealt with or gone through over the last half year never once came to mind. I've honestly never had someone act the way towards me as she did, which is why I'm hesitant to just up and give up on her, not because she's showing me attention, but because of the way it makes me feel.
I realize I'm probably being a simp right now, but i honestly don't care, it is what it is.
Live life as a pessimist and you'll be delighted at the good things, and not as crushed by the bad. Dont expect anything but heartbreak and if it works out, good for you.
We basically just stood next to her car for the entire hour, almost the entire time she leaned up against me, head pressed to my chest or in my neck... We talked about in general things for a while, then just kinda stood there for a few minutes without hardly saying anything. I could feel like she wanted to do or say something, but that she was afraid too, for whatever reason.
C'mon man. You didn't kiss her or grab her ass? How spelled out does it have to be for you to make a move?
I told her before any of that, that I wanted to be as respectful as I could about this.....and the more I think about it the more I've come to realize, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I can't be happy and not be selfish at the same time, even just a little bit.
I've always had this thing where I'm afraid of being selfish or disrespectful towards someone I care about, you have no idea how much I wanted to just kiss her, tell her that no matter how hard I've tried over the last couple weeks that i can't stop thinking about her, or that no matter how much I pretend to be okay with it when we hang out or talk, that the fact that I can't show her how I really feel is literally eating at me right now?
The day before she told me about the other guy was probably the only non shitty day I've had in the last month, I'm just afraid that if I try to force anything, or make her uncomfortable in any way, that that day will turn out to just be a mistake. -
Again, I realize I'm simping mad hard right now, i just don't know right now.
She gave you the damn signal to make a move on her. Doesn't matter if you don't want to be selfish and shit. SHE GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MOVE ON HER!!!! Fuck
She gave you the damn signal to make a move on her. Doesn't matter if you don't want to be selfish and shit. SHE GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MOVE ON HER!!!! Fuck
Don't you think I fucking thought about all of that afterwords? I feel like a fucking asshole right now.
I'm going to see her on Friday, and I have to actually talk with her this time, I'm not gonna bullshit around, I need to know whether or not anything will ever happen, or if I'm just wasting my time.
Comments
He has a point
Where is the work moving to?
Some country called Qatar, I'm not very familiar with it, just been researching it a bit over the last week.
Although I don't think the middle east is the most sought after location to visit, it might be a great eye opening experience.
I really, really want everything she said to be true, but I don't want to expect it to be so and end up just being completely devastated in the end. I also don't want to just wait around for something that might not even happen.
Fuck Qatar lol I'm pretty "adventurous" but would never go somewhere like that.. It's a completely different world out there
nigga can't handle Fukkin Florida and you think he can do Qatar? Lol c'mon now
Probably not, but that's kinda why there's work there. It's insanely good money. I was talking to this guy Brian who went with this company to Qatar last summer, they were there for 14 months and he came back with 90k tax free.
Do you initiate conversation, or is it all her?
Have you made any declarative statements?
Such as?
I've told her I care about her(more than i thought i ever would, honestly).
Last night (before she came over around 10:15) she randomly texted me probably around 9:30 or so, asking me how I was, i told her about the crap going on at home and that i was having one of the shittiest days I've had in a long time... And she told me to meet her down the street from my place in this church parking lot, which I did. Idk, I just honestly couldn't name you another person who would drive out and come see me cause i was having a shitty day/week, which is one of the many things that happened that's made me think about her more. We basically just stood next to her car for the entire hour, almost the entire time she leaned up against me, head pressed to my chest or in my neck... We talked about in general things for a while, then just kinda stood there for a few minutes without hardly saying anything. I could feel like she wanted to do or say something, but that she was afraid too, for whatever reason. The hour felt like only a few minutes, but in the weirdest way it was comforting, it's the only time in recent memory where any of the bullshit I've dealt with or gone through over the last half year never once came to mind. I've honestly never had someone act the way towards me as she did, which is why I'm hesitant to just up and give up on her, not because she's showing me attention, but because of the way it makes me feel.
I realize I'm probably being a simp right now, but i honestly don't care, it is what it is.
C'mon man. You didn't kiss her or grab her ass? How spelled out does it have to be for you to make a move?
I told her before any of that, that I wanted to be as respectful as I could about this.....and the more I think about it the more I've come to realize, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I can't be happy and not be selfish at the same time, even just a little bit.
I've always had this thing where I'm afraid of being selfish or disrespectful towards someone I care about, you have no idea how much I wanted to just kiss her, tell her that no matter how hard I've tried over the last couple weeks that i can't stop thinking about her, or that no matter how much I pretend to be okay with it when we hang out or talk, that the fact that I can't show her how I really feel is literally eating at me right now?
The day before she told me about the other guy was probably the only non shitty day I've had in the last month, I'm just afraid that if I try to force anything, or make her uncomfortable in any way, that that day will turn out to just be a mistake.
-
Again, I realize I'm simping mad hard right now, i just don't know right now.
secondly thats a strong beta move. grab ass and if she gets pissed then shes a soppy cunt and thats the straight up green light to move on.
FaceFuck
She gave you the damn signal to make a move on her. Doesn't matter if you don't want to be selfish and shit. SHE GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO MOVE ON HER!!!! Fuck
yeah she probably wants your devil ray in her tampa bay
Don't you think I fucking thought about all of that afterwords? I feel like a fucking asshole right now.
I'm going to see her on Friday, and I have to actually talk with her this time, I'm not gonna bullshit around, I need to know whether or not anything will ever happen, or if I'm just wasting my time.
whats the look for? do you plan to ask her politely if you might grip her buttocks? ky.