The point is. You befriend someone. Get to know them, well. Decide if they're worth dating - and by dating I mean spending a lot of time with them, life with them, marrying them. THEN you ask them out - BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM, AND ALREADY SEE POTENTIAL IN THEM
You don't date to see if a girl has potential, or to have a good time - you date because you already want to love that person.
That's my viewpoint.
Your viewpoint makes me want to burn down an orphanage. Fuck, you make thou who has never been irate, irate as fuck.
That's why I don't date anymore. Because I don't think I ever will find the perfect girl. The first two relationships I had were a waste of time, money, and emotion. And now I'm incredibly cynical about relationships.
Difference between math or guitar, is that "learning" has nothing to do with my point about relationships. You don't buy a $1000 guitar when trying to decide if its for you or not. You buy a cheaper one. Try it out - This is the friendship stage of a relationship. Once you decide its for you, then you go all in - taking lessons, practicing for hours, trying to make yourself into a lifelong guitar player. This is the dating stage - where you go all in trying to turn that relationship into a lifelong thing.
That's why I don't date anymore. Because I don't think I ever will find the perfect girl. The first two relationships I had were a waste of time, money, and emotion. And now I'm incredibly cynical about relationships.
Difference between math or guitar, is that "learning" has nothing to do with my point about relationships. You don't buy a $1000 guitar when trying to decide if its for you or not. You buy a cheaper one. Try it out - This is the friendship stage of a relationship. Once you decide its for you, then you go all in - taking lessons, practicing for hours, trying to make yourself into a lifelong guitar player. This is the dating stage - where you go all in trying to turn that relationship into a lifelong thing.
The idea of thinking about marrying someone before you have even asked them out is not only self destructive but very very creepy
and here you are proving my fucking point. again.
It is dude. Not only are you setting up yourself for failure but you're creating expectations without even knowing someone. Expectations of spending your life with someone. Before you have even dated? Wtf that's selfish as hell. It's also kinda serial killer creepy.
I don't see the merit in not trying to get a relationship to work for life. Like I said, I think its a big waste of time. Just be friends then and never even try to take it further.
Liar. School has the potential to be wasted time. Just like relationships. But you're still going to school. As I recall, you have complained about it being a waste because you think you won't be able to find a job afterwords. There is no emotional attachment, but it can still be a waste of time.
Dude I don't hate any of my exes. Hell I still remember most of the good times I had with theM. Sure we didn't end up together but I created a lot of good memories and had a lot of great times. I don't consider that a waste of time just because we weren't the right fit. I consider it a good learning experience.
And yet I'm trying my damnedest to make school work.
Why is it so bad to want to put everything you have into a relationship too?
Its not a bad thing but you're not trying to. Liking someone who doesn't like you back and hoping they'll eventually hook up with you and everything will be perfect and you'll get married isn't fucking trying.
There are two separate things going on here that I think are getting lost in communication. Which both deal with MY view on how I go about dating.
ONE: Is the ideal. The philosophical. If I date someone (boyfriend/girlfriend relationship), it is because I want to grow with them and ultimately end up with them. I am not doing it to waste time. I am not doing it because its something fun to do. I am doing it because I am trying to find someone to spend and build my life with.
Using the school analogy again: Pre-college school = friend stage. You're figuring things out. Figuring out what classes you like, what hobbies you find interesting, what college you want to go to, which college you're ultimately going to go to, etc. Similarly, this is when you are befriending girls, finding out what kind of girl interests you, determining who is even worth asking out in the first place.
Then college is like the dating stage. For me, college is a means to an end. I am not going to college for the "college experience", I am going to college so that I can build towards getting a job. Dating, is so that I can build towards a life with someone.
Than after school - the job, is where you finally did it. You're hard work paid off.
Sure, you may not always get the perfect job BUT THE GOAL IS THERE. THE GOAL OF SCHOOL IS TO GET A JOB YOU LOVE. Likewise, the endgame of dating is marriage. THE GOAL OF DATING SOMEONE IS TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
That's my viewpoint.
The SECOND idea: What is actually going on. I've given up on dating. I still haven't given up on school. I still see the merit in struggling through school to work towards creating a career doing something I love. I don't see myself being able to find myself in a relationship with somebody I love, no matter how much effort I put into it.
The philosophy I described above still exists, I just don't realistically think I can act it out for myself anymore.
I fully acknowledge I am no longer trying with girls. My interaction with how things went with my ex/friend/girl I like shows that I'm not cut out for it.
And yet I'm trying my damnedest to make school work.
Why is it so bad to want to put everything you have into a relationship too?
Says the guy who has sworn off girls after being in a whopping one relationship )
I've been in two. And I put a lot into both relationships. It was obvious I cared a shit ton more than both of the girls did. I bent over backwards many times for both of them.
My second ex I still bend over backwards for. Its who I am.
Comments
Difference between math or guitar, is that "learning" has nothing to do with my point about relationships. You don't buy a $1000 guitar when trying to decide if its for you or not. You buy a cheaper one. Try it out - This is the friendship stage of a relationship. Once you decide its for you, then you go all in - taking lessons, practicing for hours, trying to make yourself into a lifelong guitar player. This is the dating stage - where you go all in trying to turn that relationship into a lifelong thing.
I don't see the merit in not trying to get a relationship to work for life. Like I said, I think its a big waste of time. Just be friends then and never even try to take it further.
You determine if you want a long term relationship with someone by going on this magical thing called dates you fucking twat.
Why is it so bad to want to put everything you have into a relationship too?
ONE: Is the ideal. The philosophical.
If I date someone (boyfriend/girlfriend relationship), it is because I want to grow with them and ultimately end up with them. I am not doing it to waste time. I am not doing it because its something fun to do. I am doing it because I am trying to find someone to spend and build my life with.
Using the school analogy again: Pre-college school = friend stage. You're figuring things out. Figuring out what classes you like, what hobbies you find interesting, what college you want to go to, which college you're ultimately going to go to, etc. Similarly, this is when you are befriending girls, finding out what kind of girl interests you, determining who is even worth asking out in the first place.
Then college is like the dating stage. For me, college is a means to an end. I am not going to college for the "college experience", I am going to college so that I can build towards getting a job. Dating, is so that I can build towards a life with someone.
Than after school - the job, is where you finally did it. You're hard work paid off.
Sure, you may not always get the perfect job BUT THE GOAL IS THERE. THE GOAL OF SCHOOL IS TO GET A JOB YOU LOVE. Likewise, the endgame of dating is marriage. THE GOAL OF DATING SOMEONE IS TO MARRY SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
That's my viewpoint.
The SECOND idea: What is actually going on.
I've given up on dating. I still haven't given up on school. I still see the merit in struggling through school to work towards creating a career doing something I love. I don't see myself being able to find myself in a relationship with somebody I love, no matter how much effort I put into it.
The philosophy I described above still exists, I just don't realistically think I can act it out for myself anymore.
I fully acknowledge I am no longer trying with girls. My interaction with how things went with my ex/friend/girl I like shows that I'm not cut out for it.
I've been in two. And I put a lot into both relationships. It was obvious I cared a shit ton more than both of the girls did. I bent over backwards many times for both of them.
My second ex I still bend over backwards for. Its who I am.