YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? (NSFW)

WakeOfAshes

We are over for good

and as much as I hate to say this- I totally understand your comments about leaving the site because of Marc. Not only do I understand it, but pretty much agree it is probably the best for you. You're moving out right? That is probably the time to take this action because you need some "leah time". Time away from knowing who he is, time to recover, time to find yourself again. And when you have completely severed those emotional strings, please come back. There is a whole lot of life beyond Marc... Time to start living it

I'd rather have Marc leave B-)

Necrothulhu

We are over for good

and as much as I hate to say this- I totally understand your comments about leaving the site because of Marc. Not only do I understand it, but pretty much agree it is probably the best for you. You're moving out right? That is probably the time to take this action because you need some "leah time". Time away from knowing who he is, time to recover, time to find yourself again. And when you have completely severed those emotional strings, please come back. There is a whole lot of life beyond Marc... Time to start living it

I'd rather have Marc leave B-)

If I were to not come back until emotional strings are gone for me, I will be gone at least 5+ years. When I fall in love, I fall fucking hard. I still have feelings for the first person I fell in love with and we got together Jan 12th of 2003. I'm pretty much doing abdolutely shitty and it's pissing me off because I don't want to give a flying fuck about anything Marc but I do. My anxiety is getting really bad, I'm finding myself pissed randomly and I'm sure it won't take much to anger me, irritate me or make me cry. I'm pissed off at myself for taking a leap...I'm pissed that the person I started talking to isn't the same person I'm around everyday. I'm not sure how much more I can take being here because being around him and in his room is a bit overbearing. I am not too sure if I can last 1-2 weeks here. We don't even talk to or look at each other anymore. And if I do look at him or see his name anywhere my stomach turns and my heart drops...I hate that. All he does is chill on the interwebs so I am very sure he's talking to someone he enjoys more then me and that's fine, I'm sure he hates me anyway. He just wants to do whatever that makes him happy and that means I gotta go because I can't take how he is anymore. I've tried to get him to listen to me, but he won't and I'm always wrong so whatever. He can live in his own world

/rant

Episode

Damn, sounds a lot like how I was for like, 7 fucking months. Smoke a lot of weed to the point of retardation, worked for me. *Kanyeshrug.*

Necrothulhu

I will be like this for longer...except now I'm not in middle school or high school, I'm jobless and have next to no friends. I am going to need to stay really busy. God I'm so fucking pissed because this is exactly what I wanted to avoid....fuck me for trying

WakeOfAshes

I don't think people ever forget their relationships that were meaningful, but there comes a time where thoughts of that person don't cut your heart and make you feel exactly like what you just described about Marc. It wont be 5 years for your to heal from Marc, but 9 months to a year is realistic. You gotta get to a point where you can be happy you arent with him anymore because you realize just how much of a dead end road he was... You gotta get to a point where you can look back and remember the fond memories you had of him, but not want to get back with him because your future is so bright now. I know you can get there, but you need distance. Distance from him physically and distance from your memories. burn shit, move out, and start some new adventure to help you heal. When you get back home try and get yourself involved in something... sign up for guitar lessons, or join a swim team, or join some rock climbing club, or really just join something that you have a mild interest in. It will help the healing process... It's time for you leah.

WakeOfAshes

I will be like this for longer...except now I'm not in middle school or high school, I'm jobless and have next to no friends. I am going to need to stay really busy. God I'm so fucking pissed because this is exactly what I wanted to avoid....fuck me for trying

how old are you? and don't beat yourself up for trying... perhaps it's a lesson you needed to learn. I learned it. Took me a few times of getting back with ex's only to have my heart broken the same way, but I learned it.

Brian

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Necrothulhu

You don't understand how I am so no matter what I try to explain to you it will be pointless. I know how long it will take for the name Marc to stop making my heart drop, at least over a year. I put all I had into this and all this hurts 50x's worse then the first...what hurts even more is that he never listened to me and lied about who he was as a person from thw start. Being here is over bearing to the point I have to go sit outside for sometimes hours. He stays in his sisters room and away from me. Always online and talking to someone...that hurts too and it also pisses me off becaude I don't want it to. I wish I could be as cold as he is and can hide and shut all emotions off so no one know wtf is going on. Only found out about his uncle through here too..I just can't wait to gtfo so he can start a new life with someine who can deal with his bullshit

Brian

>:D<

Necrothulhu

>:D<

I wish I had a rescue team

Brian

inb4 Erik says something like "girl, imma be yo rescue team :>"

WakeOfAshes

what hurts even more is that he never listened to me and lied about who he was as a person from the start

Grab a hold of that thought! Keep telling yourself that... He lied to you about who he was from the start. You didn't love him, you loved the lie he made himself out to be. And that person isnt real.... that wasnt him. And even if in some way you don't fully agree with this, keep telling yourself this. over and over and over.

I've found a very successful way of healing from a broken heart is to discredit and devalue what the relationship was. If you tell yourself enough how meaningless the relationship is, then you kinda start believing it long enough for you to heal.... and then when this healing has happened you can let go of this hate for the person and just remember the fond memories without the hurt.

everyone is different... And I can only offer you advice from the experiences I have gained from life. Do I have all the answers? No. But I am observant... and I notice patterns in interpersonal relationships that I have personally experienced, and patterns I have witnessed happening to people I consider friends. You are right, there is no "one size fits all" to healing from this... but I still like to offer any sort of life-line I can provide.

WakeOfAshes

I wish I had a rescue team

you called?

Necrothulhu

I know, that has gone through my head numberous times in disbelief/shock that someone could do that. He has told me that the only reason he's like the way he is now is because of probation, which I know is a lie. And when it comes to getting rid of pictures, there's next to none and nothing to burn because he never took shit with me and never wanted to. We hardly even cuddled...the best time I had with him were the first 4 days here. The first month was great then it started to die down...less touching, less cuddling and most the time I tried he'd jokingly say get off me and push me off him...happened everytime and after I while I just took the hint he doesn't like affection. It really just hurtd like a bitch...I'd rather get shot then be decieved and pretty much played

WakeOfAshes

It's crazy you ever fell for him in the first place. Guys who love their girl, wouldnt do shit like that.

Hold onto those memories, because the more you discredit the relationship, the easier it will be to heal. You gotta start realizing you deserve better from life then someone who treats you that way.

Necrothulhu

I should have just took the hint when he didn't want to cuddle or do any fucking thing a normal couple would and sex would hardly happen. I also got sick of it when he would get off too quick and tell me to wait because he was going to continue...but then hours would pass and it'd never happen. The icing on the cake, which was the last time I left the forum, was when he got a check and told me he'd get ne clothes n shit. I was really excited and looking forward to it because I haven't gone clothes shopoing in 4-5 years...then ge judt spent all of it on himself..all about 1500 or more of it. I also got nothing from him for my birthday but his mom/family took me out to dinner. I always thought maybe he'd listen to me, maybe he'd change but he doesn't want to. He made it clear to me the last argument..sure we both want what's in the picture on his nightstand..well at least he said he did.

Either way...whatever. I don't deserve that shit and no one around likes the way he treats me and the people I have talked to. I know I'm no princess to be with but he definately is not a god like he always says he is. My head fucking hurts from crying too hard and my anxiety sucks ass and is keeping me awake.

WakeOfAshes

:O It's weird to hear a girl saying she was never sexually satisfied. It is so much more common to hear the dudes complaining about not ever getting enough. In general guys want sex 10x more then girls want sex (in my experience). I've never met a girl who wanted sex more frequently then I wanted it.

That's fucked up he didnt get you a bday present. I've been going though some tough financial times lately, and my wife and I have resorted to giving each other coupons for mothers day and fathers day and stuff like that. So she totally expected the same for her birthday, but came through with gift cards for clothes shopping, book gift cards, and a few other things. She was like "I can't believe you did all this... We dont have any money!" and I just responded with "Please woman. It's your brithday. I wasnt about to skip that shit"

WakeOfAshes

Either way...whatever. I don't deserve that shit and no one around likes the way he treats me and the people I have talked to. I know I'm no princess to be with but he definately is not a god like he always says he is. My head fucking hurts from crying too hard and my anxiety sucks ass and is keeping me awake.

finally. \m/ I am glad to hear you say this... So stop the tears now... you didnt deserve that shit. better times are on your horizon.

Necrothulhu

Haha! That's nice. Tbh it would have been nice to get something...but he just said he got me dinner but it was his mom who did that. His mom was also everywhere we went about 98% of the time...made me feel like I was 12. It is nice to go places with your parents every so often but not all the time...that's fer kiddies. And when it comes to sex..he's the only person I enjoyed giving blowjobs to and told him I could do thst everyday..never took up on it and I'm fucking ace at blowjobs. The sex was great, I have not many complaints besides he usually got off too quick and was left with nothing or hanging for nothing. Then sex ended up being a rare occasion...guess I became old and used to him so on to the next for Mr. Player...which I was told he wasn't much of one outside the internet. He can get you to believe some bullshit lemme tell you.

Necrothulhu

Yup...times where it's just me living alone. I'm done with this shit...I'll just die by myself with my couple of cats and a dog or two in the middle of nowhere haha!