>self aware of extreme depression >let's keep ignoring everyone's advice on getting help, to the point of getting snippy before anybody says anything
I didn't post much about it but I got extremely depressed this past winter. To the point that I couldn't motivate myself to do jack shit. Professional help, funnily enough, actually helps
god damn i cant believe my luck with gojira. How the fuck do i wait all this time to buy tickets a few weeks before the show only to have it postponed 5 months 3 days AFTER i finally buy my tickets. Its kind of just setting in now and i am fucking pissed
not only that but the previous show was on a thursday so i was gonna take friday off and have a 3 day weekend. now its on a fucking tuesday fucking kill yourselves.
It was kind of a mixed emotions thing. Like i was excited at the chance to see them but i haven't really like the sets they have been playing. That and i had some kind of weird feeling about the show. Turn out i was correct.
Like idk its weird. I wasn't super hype when i bought the tickets but then i started listening to them again and got hype. only to have dreams crushed the next morning i woke up.
Its a lot. I kinda talked about it with Satan a few days ago. But I just feel lost, directionless, and hopeless. Everything I do fails. Literally everything. I cant get a band going. My own music sucks. Nobody wants me to record them. Nobody will even let me sit in on a session. My work wont hire me fulltime. I've been out of school for a year, and still cant find sustainable work. I try networking everywhere I go, nobody ever calls me back, or emails me. I just had a car accident, and now my savings are shot. A year of work pissed away. Im always pissed off and sad. I dont fit in socio-politically with my generation. And its affecting how I view the world and other people. Even things I love are full of irritations now, like comics, metal, and video games. Nobody gives a shit about my Youtube channel, despite putting a lot of effort in videos and sharing it around. I cant even get my friends to share posts on Facebook for me. Im fat and ugly, and its starting to wear down the little self esteem I had. Im getting worse with women to the point where I dont know how to remotely interract with them anymore. And getting 0 matches on multiple dating apps is kinda telling that girls just flat out dont like me. Im becoming more and more picky, but every day Im less and less desirable, and I feel like relationships are a lost cause. Life sucks. Like straight up sucks.
Like I used to have dreams and aspirations. Now I just float through life. And the only advice people give me is "try harder". Well Im doing all I fucking can. I try different angles, and talk to different people every day, and nothing works. My life is just one big loss after loss after loss. It gets old. Like no facet of my life is working out. And Im really getting fucked up about it. I constantly feel empty, hopeless, sad, and angry. And its resulting in extreme nihilism and apathy. But I literally dont know what to do about it.
yeah man you might want to take Xeno's advice and seek professional help. I have a lot of those same feelings so maybe I should too haha #depressedboyz
Like seriously. i have a hard time with being creative. ANy time i smoke pot thought its like a light goes off and i come up with a bunch more ideas. Whenever im trying to get a project done at work and i get stuck on something i go home and get high and then blow right through whatever project it is im on.
Plus im not stressed or depressed most of the day. As iv said before my anxiety has become an every day Battle with me. To the point where i feel like everything i do at work turns out like shit even though i have people telling me i do a good job. I get so stressed about the easy thigs because i feel like if they arent done perfectly its gonna be my ass for some reason.
Im always more depresses around this time of year iv noticed. I think it has something to do with being inside all winter. Anyways...i went through similar periods where i didnt enjpy the things i used to enjoy. Some of those things i just grew out of but smoking pot at the end of the days helps me relieve that stress/anxiety/depression and makes it so i can enjoy the things i enjoy again.
Im not saying its your only option. A doctor would probably help too. They are more likely just to stuff some drug down your throat though.maybe that drug will work for you but maybe it wont. Its just hard for me to find sympathy or even give a shit if youre gonna sit there and act like you have tried everything when it appears you have only tried things you are comfortable with.
Life only sucks because you wake up and decide to let it suck. Depression sucks but you can battle it with positive thinking and awareness about your triggers. You just have to train your brain. Every time something goes bad think about how you can fix it instead of dwelling on it. Every time you have a negative though train ypur brain to combat it with 3 positive thoughts. It sounds stupid but it works.
yeah the only problem is MC thinks the sober state of consciousness is the only worthwhile or "true" one 8-|, even though it's obviously not all that great...
only because the american government has demonized weed and psychedelics. there are medicinal plants/remedies that have been in used for thousands of years. Why close your mind to possible help because it's been stigmatized by lame ass conservative folks almost a century ago? Questions everything right MC? Expand your mind
only because the american government has demonized weed and psychedelics. there are medicinal plants/remedies that have been in used for thousands of years. Why close your mind to possible help because it's been stigmatized by lame ass conservative folks almost a century ago? Questions everything right MC? Expand your mind
No, one affects a physical ailment, the other affects perceptions of reality. I dont want to exist in some psychadelic hallucination. I want to be happy legitimately, not turn to a drug to do it for me. Its no better than drinking as a means to cope. I drink to socialize, not to forget about my problems
Comments
>let's keep ignoring everyone's advice on getting help, to the point of getting snippy before anybody says anything
I didn't post much about it but I got extremely depressed this past winter. To the point that I couldn't motivate myself to do jack shit. Professional help, funnily enough, actually helps
not only that but the previous show was on a thursday so i was gonna take friday off and have a 3 day weekend. now its on a fucking tuesday fucking kill yourselves.
Like idk its weird. I wasn't super hype when i bought the tickets but then i started listening to them again and got hype. only to have dreams crushed the next morning i woke up.
[-(
blue turbins
From Those Fishes - I Fingered An Old Bitch (i got Aids on my finger)
Like I used to have dreams and aspirations. Now I just float through life. And the only advice people give me is "try harder". Well Im doing all I fucking can. I try different angles, and talk to different people every day, and nothing works. My life is just one big loss after loss after loss. It gets old. Like no facet of my life is working out. And Im really getting fucked up about it. I constantly feel empty, hopeless, sad, and angry. And its resulting in extreme nihilism and apathy. But I literally dont know what to do about it.
> 8-|
maybe your music wouldnt suck if you werent such a square and smoked some pot
Plus im not stressed or depressed most of the day. As iv said before my anxiety has become an every day Battle with me. To the point where i feel like everything i do at work turns out like shit even though i have people telling me i do a good job. I get so stressed about the easy thigs because i feel like if they arent done perfectly its gonna be my ass for some reason.
Im always more depresses around this time of year iv noticed. I think it has something to do with being inside all winter. Anyways...i went through similar periods where i didnt enjpy the things i used to enjoy. Some of those things i just grew out of but smoking pot at the end of the days helps me relieve that stress/anxiety/depression and makes it so i can enjoy the things i enjoy again.
Im not saying its your only option. A doctor would probably help too. They are more likely just to stuff some drug down your throat though.maybe that drug will work for you but maybe it wont. Its just hard for me to find sympathy or even give a shit if youre gonna sit there and act like you have tried everything when it appears you have only tried things you are comfortable with.
I dont want to FEEL happy. I want to BE happy.