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FOR THOSE WHO DONT KNOW

GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
edited June 2010 in Off Topic
HERE IS TUFFY'S LEGEND

ONCE THERE WAS A MAN WITH NUTS OF RUFFNESS AND HE WAS ALSO VERY TUFFY
STOP ME IF ANY ALL READY KNOWS OF OLD TUFFY
ONE DAY HE DIED HIS EYE BROW BLUE AND PROCLAIMED TO THE WORLD HIS ONE AND ONLY MISSION
TO HAVE THE TUFFEST NUT'S THIS SIDE OF TEXAS
SO HE LET RANDOM WOMAN AND PROSTITUTES ACROSS THE LAND KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIS NUTS


AFTER MANY MANY YEARS OF HORRIBLE GENITAL ABUSE
SOMETHING HAPPEN HIS NUTS HAD GOTTEN SO TUFF
HE DEICED TO FIND GOD AND MAKE HIM PAY FOR ALL THE HORRIBLE ATROCITY'S
HE HAS COMMITTED AGAINST MAN
THIS IS WHERE THE LEGEND BEGINS

WHILE ON HIS MISSION TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF GOD
HE KNEW THAT HE WOULD NEED WEAPONS OF GREAT POWER AND DESTRUCTION
A-BOMB NO TO IMPERSONAL CHAIN SAW NO TO MESSY SHOT GUN NO NOT HANDS ON ENOUGH
THEN IN A DREAM/VISION IT CAME TO HIM HE WOULD USE THE MOST BRUTAL WEAPON KNOWN TO MAN
THE CAPS LOCK KEY OH YES NOW THAT CREATING COCK SUCKER IS GONNA PAY


TUFFY HAD HIS HANDS FULL TRYING TO FIND GOD
IT TURNED OUT TO BE A LOT HARDER THEN HE THOUGHT
HE LOOKED HIGH AND LOW BUT THE LITTLE BITCH WAS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND
THEN IT CAME TO HIM MABEY IF HE COULD FIND SATAN HE WOULD KNOW WHERE GOD IS
THIS IS HOW TUFFY CAME TO BE DRUG ADDICTED AND IN A HEAVY METAL BAND "CREATOR DESTROYER"
HIS THINKING WAS IF HE SINNED TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN SATAN WOULD COME LOOKING FOR HIM
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Comments

  • AndysbackAndysback Posts: 2,228 just the tip
    GUUUUUUULCHHHHHHHHH
  • katiakatia Posts: 4,358 just the tip
  • OPPOPP Posts: 50,132 spicy boy
    edited June 2010
    LOL I was sure this was going to be a Surfin Bird spam thread...
    I love winning with women
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner

    PASSED OUT IN A PUDDLE OF HIS OWN PUKE WITH THE ANAL BLOOD OF A SAIGON HOOKER STILL ON HIS DICK
    TUFFY CRANKED BACK A HALF GRAM RAIL AND TOOK A PULL OFF HIS BOTTLE OF J.D. THATS WHEN IT HAPPENED
    A MAN DRESSED IN ALL BLCK WALKED INTO THE OPEN DOOR OF THE MOTEL ROOM AND SAID "YOU AND I GOT SOME
    BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO" TUFFYS EYES LIGHT UP HE KNEW THIS WAS NO MAN THIS WAS THE DARK LORD HIMSELF
    IN A DRY RASPY VOICE TUFFY SAID "YES INDEED WE DO" AFTER THROWING THE HOOKER AND 2 MIDGETS TO THE CURB
    TUFFY AND SATAN SPOKE OF MANY THING'S THE SLAYING OF GOD ON TOP OF THERE AGENDA


    SATAN KNEW RIGHT AWAY THAT TUFFY MEANT BUSINESS. NO MAN CARRIES AROUND THE CAPS LOCK KEY OFF A COMPAQ PERSERIO KEYBOARD
    UNLESS HE IS OUT FOR BLOOD. TUFFY TOLD SATAN OF THE TERRIBLE ABUSE TO HIS NUTS AND THE MANY METAL SHOWS HE HAD PLAYED TO GET
    TO THIS POINT. SATAN SHARED SOME UN SETTLING NEWS WITH TUFFY. GOD WAS IN FACT HIDING FROM TUFFY GOD HAD GOT WIND OF WHAT
    TUFFY WAS UP TO. SO HE CAME TO EARTH AS 3 SEPARATE ENTITY'S THE FATHER, THE SON AND THE HOLY GHOST. THE FATHER WENT INTO THE
    MOST EVIL PERSON ON THE PLANET OPRAH THE SON WENT INTO THE SECOND MOST EVIL PERSON ON THE PLANET TYRA BANKS AND LAST BUT
    NOT LEAST THE GHOST WENT INTO FRED DURST. AT THIS POINT TUFFY NOW HAD THREE TARGETS
    BIDDING SATAN A FAREWELL AND LIGHTING A MARLBRO RED TUFFY SET BACK OUT ON TOUR TO FIND THE FIRST BEAST ON HIS LIST OPRAH.
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    KNOWING THAT OPRAH WOULD BE SURROUNDED BY BODY GUARDS AND INBREED BRAINWASHED MIDDLE AGED WOMAN.
    TUFFY NEEDED A WAY TO GET CLOSE AND END HER RAIN OF TERROR.
    THEN IT CAME TO HIM THERE IS ONLY ONE THING OPRAH CANNOT RESIST ABORTED FETUS.
    ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS HIJACK OPRAH'S ABORTED FETUS DELIVERY TRUCK.
    WITH CAPS LOCK KEY IN HAND METH AMPHETAMINES IN LUNG TUFFY HEADED TO PLANNED PARENT HOOD.
    HIGH AS FUCK AND DRUNK ON GLORY TUFFY WAITED THE WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH,
    6:25 A.M. THE FIRST DOCTOR ARRIVED TUFFY QUICKLY STABBED THE WHITE COAT CLADDED PHD IN THE NECK WITH A BROKEN SHWACK.
    AS DR. NICKS BLEED OUT TUFFY DRAGGED THE CORPSE TO A NEAR BY DUMPSTER.
    WITH SECURITY CARD IN HAND HE ENTERED THE CLINIC AND FOUND THE ABORTED FETUS VAN KEYS IN THE RECEPTION OFFICE.
    HE WAS READY NEXT STOP OPRAH'S MANSION.


    ARRIVING A OPRAH'S EVIL LAIR TUFFY MEET NO OPPOSITION NONE OF HER STAFF WOULD DARE GET IN THE WAY OF HER FEEDING.
    TUFFY BEGAN TO UNLOAD THE CRATES OF ABORTED FETUS AND LOADING THEM INTO AN OVER SIZED FREEZER.
    ONE MORE TO GO AND WHEN TUFFY TURNED AROUND THERE IT WAS HUGE AND GROTESQUE REEKING OF ROTTEN FLESH AND DAY OLD PUKE.
    OPRAH PAID TUFFY NO HEED AS IT ENTERED THE FREEZER WITH 3 BODY GUARDS AND A SMALL HALF MONKEY HALF MAN CREATURE
    EATING A BUCKET OF SMALL AFRICAN CHILDREN SCALPS. IT WAS TUFFY TIME TO STRIKE HE SHOVED A WHISKEY SOAKED RAG
    INTO THE GAS TANK OF THE DELIVERY VAN AND LIT IT A BLAZE. RUNNING FOR COVER TUFFY SEEN SOMETHING VERY STRANGE
    ANOTHER OPRAH CAME CHARGING ON TO THE LOADING DOCK JUST IN TIME FOR THE VAN TO EXPLODE. THE SECOND OPRAH CONSUMED
    THE EXPLOSION IN TO ITS MEATY MID SECTION. TUFFY KNEW HE HAD TO GET OUT OF THERE AND GET OUT OF THERE FAST HE RAN
    OUT INTO THE STREET WITH A HAIL OF GUN FIRE BEHIND HIM.
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    TUFFY BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO STRIKE ONE OF THE LESSOR GOD EMBODIMENTS PERHAPS FRED DURST
    WOULD BE A EASIER TARGET. HOPEFULLY WITH DURST DEAD OPRAH WOULD BE WEAKENED. TUFFY REMEMBERED SOME THING
    SATAN HAD TOLD HIM DURST LIKES NOTHING MORE THEN TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH 10-12 YEAR OLD MALE GINGERS
    THAT ARE AT LEST MISSING ONE LIMB. NOT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE EASILY FOUND. TUFFY DECIDED THAT IS WAS TIME TO
    LAY LOW AND FIND HIMSELF A GINGER TO DISMEMBER. LURKING THROUGH THE BACK ALLYS OF MIDDLE SCHOOLS ACROSS CALIFORNIA
    WITH IN THE WEEK HE FOUND THE PERFECT SPECIMEN. HE FOLLOWED THE BOY AND ABDUCTED HIM THAT EVENING.
    BOUND AND GAGGED THE GINGER WIGGLED AND TURNED TO ESCAPE THE BROKEN J.D. BOTTLE THAT TUFFY USED TO AMPUTATE THE
    SMALL CHILD'S LEFT ARM. AFTER CAUTERIZING THE WOULD WITH A DIRTY CRACK PIPE IT WAS TIME TO GO TO A LIMP BIZKIT CONCERT.
    AFTER FIRING A .45 NEXT TO EACH EAR 10 TIMES TUFFY COULD NOT HEAR A THING HE WAS READY.


    WHEN TUFFY ARRIVED AT THE LIMP BIZKIT CONCERT THERE WERE MORE WIGGERS THAN A GAY JAPANESE KARAOKE STRIP CLUB.
    NU METAL FANATICS AND MALL GOTHS ARE FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. SUICIDE SILENCE TAKES THE STAGE AS OPENING BAND
    EVEN AFTER THE GUN FIRE TUFFY CAN HEAR THE CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA OF A REPETITIVE DEATH CORE BREAK DOWN.
    NO ONE PAYS ANY ATTENTION TO THE GINGER HAND CUFFED TO TUFFY'S LEFT ARM SINCE HE HAS A SLIPKNOT MASK ON.
    LITTLE DOES ANY ONE KNOW HE IS GAGGED UNDER THAT MASK. TUFFY QUICKLY MOVES TO THE HARD CORE DANCING WIND MILL
    FILLED HALF WIT PIT. 30 MORE MIN OF S.S. THEN THE BIG DAWGS COME OUT THE BIZKIT THE RED HAT WARRIOR. THE GINGER AT
    HIS SIDE VIOLENTLY TRYS TO ESCAPE TUFFY DANGLES HIM IN TO A ON COMING WIND MILLER THE GINGER HITS THE FLOOR HARD THEN
    CALMS DOWN A BIT. S.S. LEAVES THE STAGE AND TUFFY WAITS FOR HIS MOMENT.
  • BrianBrian Posts: 17,611 destroyer of motherfuckers
    YES. THE RETURN OF GULCH!!!!!!!!!!
    nike Pictures, Images and PhotosTUPAC IS DEAD/THE LEGEND IS GONE/THEY SAYIN TUPAC'S BACK?/DEM NIGGAS WRONG
  • MysteriousMysterious Posts: 941 salt miner
    Holy SHIT. That was awesome!!!

    who the hell is this guy??
  • Alec29Alec29 Posts: 3,864 juggalo
    Gulch is a legend around these parts, sir. Enjoy......I know he'll keep you entertained.
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    THE BIZKIT FINISH THERE SET TUFFY REVELS THE DISMEMBERED GINGER TO DURST. DUREST EXCITABLY USHERS TUFFY AND GINGER PAST THE SECURITY GUARDS INTO THE BACK STAGE. DUREST STARTS ATTEMPTING TO NEGOTIATE WITH TUFFY "ALL I WANT IS TO BE ABLE TO WATCH" TUFFY PROCLAIMS. AND WITH THAT DUREST TUFFY AND GINGER ALL ENTER L.B. TOUR BUS AND LOCK THE DOOR. DUREST GETS OVERLY EXCITED WHEN HE REALIZES THE BOY IS ALL READY GAGGED AND HIS DISMEMBERMENT IS FRESH. TUFFY WASTES NO TIME AS HE PULLS THE BROKEN JACK BOTTLE FROM ITS HOLSTER AND TIGHTLY GRIPS THE CAPS LOCK KEY IN A SWEATY PALM. DURSET SO PREOCCUPIED WITH SOME SORT OF STRANGE TORTURE FOREPLAY HE DOES NOT SEE THE BROKEN BOTTLE BEING TRUSTED IN TO HIS LIVER. DUREST CRYS OUT AS TUFFY TWISTS AND TURNS THE BOTTLE WITH IN THE GAPING WOUND. SLOWLY TUFFY GAUGES DUREST EYES OUT WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY THEN KICKS DUREST LOWER JAW OFF. HE PLACES THE J.D. BOTTLE INTO THE OPEN TROUT HOLE AND CURB STOMPS DUREST TO DEATH. TUFFY THEN UN GAGS THE GINGER LOOKS HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND SAYS "YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THIS NEEDED TO DONE YES?" THE GINGER NODS HIS HEAD "RUN ON HOME NOW TWISTED FREAK OF NATURE AND KNOW YOU WERE PART OF SOMETHING GREAT" TUFFY WHISPERS IN A RASPY VOICE. TYRA NOW ITS GONNA BE TIME FOR YOU TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HUMANITY.
  • fucketh_thine_selffucketh_thine_self Posts: 3,363 just the tip
    gulchie your back.....hows the isle of ha-why-eee these days
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    WARM AND SUNNY
  • fucketh_thine_selffucketh_thine_self Posts: 3,363 just the tip
    band still broken up?
  • GazorpazorpfieldGazorpazorpfield Posts: 22,293 master of ceremonies
    Give it a few weeks and it will be warm and oily at this rate.
    image Photobucket
  • GazorpazorpfieldGazorpazorpfield Posts: 22,293 master of ceremonies
    The oil will build its own bridge across the US and attack the Pacific
    image Photobucket
  • fucketh_thine_selffucketh_thine_self Posts: 3,363 just the tip
  • ComptonAssBertoComptonAssBerto Posts: 3,899 just the tip
    It would go through the Panama Canal. Aw Shit!
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    OCEAN IS WAY TO BIG TO BE BOTHERED BY SOME OIL
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    TUFFY KNEW NOW HE HAD MUST RESEARCH TO DO. FINDING A WAY TO GET CLOSE TO TYRA BANKS WAS GOING TO BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT
    THEN FRED D.. SATAN HAD TOLD TUFFY OF TYRA INCEPTION INTO THE FLESH. IT WAS NOT LONG AFTER THE SERPENT(OPRAH)
    HAD TRICKED EVE INTO EATING THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT. SATAN TOLD THAT IT WAS NOT HIM WHO TRICKED EVE AT ALL IT WAS HIS
    ARCH NEMESIS OPRAH. SATAN TOLD OF THE MANY BATTLES HIM AND OPRAH HAD FOUGHT SIDE BY SIDE IN THE NAME OF THE LORD.
    THIS WAS BACK IN A TIME WHEN ANGELS WERE ALLOWED TO WALK AMONG MEN. OPRAH WOULD TAKE THE FORM OF A LARGE SHIT BROWN
    HIPPO/WOMAN CREATURE THAT WOULD CONVINCE THE HUMAN WOMAN TO GIVE THERE FIRST BORN TO HER. SHE WOULD FEED ON THE TENDER
    FLESH AND GROW IN STRENGTH WITH EACH CHILD CONSUMED. OPRAH BECAME MAD WITH POWER AND DENOUNCED THE LORD WHEN HE FOUND
    OUT WHAT SHE WAS DOING TO HIS TWISTED EXPERIMENT (HUMANITY). THE LOAD MADE IT CLEAR HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WOULD COULD
    FEST ON THE FETID FLESH OF FIRST BORN HUMANS. THEN OPRAH WAS CAST DOWN TO LIVE AS A MORTAL. IN THE EARLY DAYS OPRAH
    KEEP TRYING TO REGAIN IMMORTALITY. ONE OF HER EXPERIMENTS WAS CUTTING OFF A LARGE PIECE OF LABIA AND INFUSING IT WITH
    DOG AND MONKEY BONES. THIS ABOMINATION WOULD LATER BE KNOWN AS TYRA BANKS.
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    TYRA WAS LEFT IN THE WILDS TO DIE OPRAH BELIEVED IT WAS A FAILED EXPERIMENT. OH HOW SHE WAS WRONG TYRA HAD A SPECIAL
    GIFT FEEDING OF THE INSECURITY OF YOUNG WOMAN AND THEN EATING THERE INTERNAL ORGANS. FOR CENTURY'S TYRA WOULD TRAVEL
    FROM VILLAGE TO VILLAGE LAYING WASTE TO ALL ATTRACTIVE HUMAN FEMALES. THE WHOLE TIME JUST WANTING TO PROVE HER WORTH
    TO HER CREATOR OPRAH. WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE THAT SATAN HAD BESTOWED UPON HIM. TUFFY FORMULATED A PLAN THAT NEEDED TO BE
    CAREFULLY EXECUTED, HE WAS GOING TO NEED SOME HELP AND HE KNEW JUST WHERE TO GET IT. HE KNEW THAT IF TYRA IS TO PROVE
    HER WORTH TO OPRAH SHE MUST BRING DOWN OPRAH'S RIVALS DR. PHIL, ELLEN AND THE INFAMOUS MURRY. AFTER A QUICK DRUG DEAL
    AND STOP BY THE LIQUOR STORE TUFFY WAS ON THE ROAD ONCE AGAIN. ARRIVING AT DR. PHILS STUDIO AND CLAIMING TO BE FROM
    THE GENIES GRANT FOUNDATION HE WAS QUICKLY SEEN BY THE TALL BALDING PEDOPHILE RAPEST WE KNOW AS DR. PHIL. TUFFY TOLD
    DR. PHIL THAT HE WAS BEING HONORED AS THE GREATEST DOCTOR TO EVER LIVE AND TO MEET HIM AT NBC STUDIO 69 NEXT SUNDAY.
    PHIL WAS SO EXCITED HE OFFERED TUFFY A 8 YEAR OLD KOREN FUCK DOLL AS PHIL CALLED IT. TUFFY DENIED AND WENT ABOUT HIS
    BUSINESS, TELLING ELLEN SHE WAS BEING HONORED FOR MOST ATTRACTIVE LESBIAN AWARD AND MURRY MOST DISTINGWISHED TALK
    SHOW HOST AWARD. THEY WOULD ALL BE NBC STUDIO 69 ON SUNDAY EVERYTHING WAS FALLING INTO PLACE.

    TO BE CONTINUED....
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