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Official TOOL appreciation thread

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  • NecrothulhuNecrothulhu Posts: 33,444 master of ceremonies
    they can sell out arenas by themselves they have no reason to do it
    No they can't. They can sell out arenas if they're part of a festival, but not by themselves.
    Nigga you best be trollin
    imageimage
  • HOODSHOODS Posts: 41,866 destroyer of motherfuckers
    I saw Tool once 10 years ago right after they released Lateralus. I'll be sure to see them again as soon as they come around! ...btw, this thread lacks Tool songs...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo
  • MarcTheFallenMarcTheFallen Posts: 26,673 master of ceremonies
    they can sell out arenas by themselves they have no reason to do it
    No they can't. They can sell out arenas if they're part of a festival, but not by themselves.
    because the picture I just posted isn't a sold out arena of 20,000 <_>
  • Chicken_FuckerChicken_Fucker Posts: 15,691 destroyer of motherfuckers
    they can sell out arenas by themselves they have no reason to do it
    No they can't. They can sell out arenas if they're part of a festival, but not by themselves.
    i've seen them 3 times in sold out arenas
  • HOODSHOODS Posts: 41,866 destroyer of motherfuckers
    When I saw Tool in 2001 one it was at the arena where the FLyers and Sixers play and all they had for support was Meshuggah and this was 10 years ago, and they show was sold out. so xeno..... you FAIL [-X
  • NOLANOLA Posts: 6,353 jayfacer
    edited May 2011
    These "Tool" newsletters are always fun to read.....


    Undaunted by the recent prediction of the apocalypse on Saturday, May 21st, 2011 by 'fringe' radio evangelist Harold Camping, members of TOOL (again, despite the impending doom!) continued to write new material for their next recording. Before continuing with a progress report (and special announcement), I would first like to personally give kudos to the guys for (unanimously!) not succumbing to all the media-driven fear surrounding Christ's return during Oprah's last days. But as for Mr. Camping and his crestfallen flock of gas-wasting puppet underlings, shame on all of you for frightening 'the people down the street', especially for scaring little girls and Scott Stapp half to death with your "end of the world" baloney! What the hell were you thinking! - you lethargic liver spot hoping to smuggle scrotal pearls into the promised land!.. Just like all those prophets of doom with their mothballed Raptures, we 'the beer drinking public' have a good mind to deal with Mr. Camping hickory stick fashion! If not taking turns kicking him with galoshes in his bony shin, then at least let's give the gibbering skid-mark a black dunce cap and put him on the ducking stool! Jesus Christ on a unicycle, somebody slip some geriatric pharmaton in this chap's Jell-O cake before terrified believers start committing suicide! What's that you are saying: The old codger isn't to blame. He's just another poor misguided soul... Well, suppose the reports are true that he renewed his radio contract just days prior to his Judgement Day prediction (date)? Then would it be okay to dip his rectal suppositories in Tabasco sauce... as well as to verbally crucify all the idiots that he took (extorted?) money from?

    And now what's this latest prediction for world annihilation in October by this dawdling teratoid? Can't you just see this flabbergasted fossil (still taking donations!) with a Bible and bottle of strawberry Ensure, re-calculating on his Panasonic 850 with quivering brittle brown-flecked fingers looking like some disgusting appetizer from the Claim-Jumper! False! Inaccurate! False! (At least those guys from "Jars of Clay" are still here. It would have sucked to climb out of the rubble and see just their cloths lying there). As most of us know, the actual date for the apocalypse is December 21, 2012. That's December 21, scrotum-face! Even dead elephants know that! Haven't you read Daniel Pinchbeck? Even a box of doorknobs knows that! The return of Quetzalcoatl, not a catastrophe you shale in your shoes shit for brains! (Note: Readers of this website will recall a trip to the Yucatan where Adam, after buying his guide a Coke, was personally shown the tell-tale Maya calendar stele at Coba.)

    All right, moving forward. No matter how many new TOOL tunes are currently complete, I will personally guarantee that the new CD will be released on MAY 22, 2012 (or MAY 15, 2012). And unlike that old fuck rattling the shingles with his cauliflower and mini-Cheddars flatulence, my calculation is not based on some preposterous coded Biblical numerology. Instead, it comes from a credible source who, himself, obtained the information via trance-contact (which was written down on a scratch pad) from an interplanetary avatar (and sector commander) named ZEMKLA JR. from the city of Farlon on the planet Selo (in the Bernard's Star System).

    Thus having been contacted, SEMKLA JR. traveled to the earth in a vortex device (equipped with "anti-God controls") that he called "an extra Gamma-traversing spheroid" (whose sighting was officially listed by a general at Luke Air Force Base as "a supersonic flight of Canadian geese.") After first warning of the dangers of indole poisons (pork, spinach, bleached flour, etc.), and demonstrating the amazing power of a Temkla pencil, Zemkla (who resembled a "Missouri Mexican wearing what looked like an astral tennis outfit, and was accompanied by beautiful women who appeared like they just stepped out of a Greek painting"), revealed the all-important date, afterwards asking when the ToolArmy message boards would be back up? Go ahead and listen to the alzur agents if you want (wearing their black dunce caps), but I'll bet anyone a crystal glass of Plobium and 100 green trading disks that the date is correct. Feel free to spread the word anyway you want: Billboards, posters, digital bus displays, or smoke signal apps on your iPhone...

    In fact, braving Maricopa Sheriff Joe Arpaio (who I'm sure would love to put any interplanetary avatar resembling a Missouri Mexican into a pink jumpsuit!), tomorrow I'm going to drive to the "BELL" portal in Sedona, Arizona with hopes of meeting ZEMKLA JR. for myself. I'm going to this extra trouble in order to double-check the calculation of the TOOL CD release date (but don't ask me what color his socks were, if a Javelina Decimator leaves a mess behind, or how many bolts are in the vortex device!). If, like Mr. Camping, I'm "just a little off", come MAY 23rd, I don't want to have to hole up in some Motel 6 with mobs of angry ToolArmy members banging on the door.

    POST SCRIPT: In a possible tangential and/or MIB encounter, shortly after finishing the newsletter, while eating at a local TACO BELL, I noticed an elderly fellow with a strange flashlight stuffed into his back pocket STANDING IN LINE. When it was HIS TURN TO ORDER, he told the woman at the counter that he was going to go outside a smoke a cigarette. He then asked what would be the latest time that he could return and order a "delicious bean burrito?" After leaving to smoke the cigarette (I assume), he returned and ordered FOR HIMSELF two bean burritos - one with NO ONIONS, the other with EXTRA ONIONS. He then turned to the person standing behind him and asked if he was a Mexican American? The reason he wanted to know (so he said) was that he wanted to learn the correct way to say "Hola"... Honestly. For a minute I thought he was going to say, "I BE ZEMKLA JR..."

    INO PAZIS GNURUM
  • NecrothulhuNecrothulhu Posts: 33,444 master of ceremonies
  • SATANSATAN Posts: 25,909 spicy boy
    the last time i saw tool, they seemed bored as fuck. kinda sucked, considering that i'd paid $160 for my girlfriend and me to see them.

    tweak bird was more enjoyable.
  • XenoXeno Posts: 21,070 master of ceremonies
    they can sell out arenas by themselves they have no reason to do it
    No they can't. They can sell out arenas if they're part of a festival, but not by themselves.

    image
    I'm on a school comp, can't see images.

  • Rex_Capone420Rex_Capone420 Posts: 69,751 spicy boy
    the last time i saw tool, they seemed bored as fuck. kinda sucked, considering that i'd paid $160 for my girlfriend and me to see them.

    tweak bird was more enjoyable.
    they can sell out arenas by themselves they have no reason to do it
    No they can't. They can sell out arenas if they're part of a festival, but not by themselves.

    image
  • NecrothulhuNecrothulhu Posts: 33,444 master of ceremonies
    It's "not sure if stupid, or trolling"
    imageimage
  • XenoXeno Posts: 21,070 master of ceremonies
    you're a dumb dumb troll
    false
  • HOODSHOODS Posts: 41,866 destroyer of motherfuckers
    It's "not sure if stupid, or stupid"
  • Ace_Deputy_CheezeAce_Deputy_Cheeze Posts: 14,736 jayfacer
    Id rather listen to Rush before id listen to Tool. :bz
    Deputy_Cheeze's Profile Page Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    TOOL = MEGA WIN
  • mrAPEmrAPE Posts: 39,476 moneytalker
    Terribly boring band. Highly over rated.

    That being said if they were to play a festival I would give them a shot live and actually watch.
    You tryin to be a hero fool? You wanna see badass mother fucker?! I'll show ya a badass!!!
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    Terribly boring band. Highly over rated.

    That being said if they were to play a festival I would give them a shot live and actually watch.
    SOUNDS LIKE YOU DONT LIKE ART ROCK
  • mrAPEmrAPE Posts: 39,476 moneytalker
    I don't like boring
    You tryin to be a hero fool? You wanna see badass mother fucker?! I'll show ya a badass!!!
  • GULCH_OF_ROTGULCH_OF_ROT Posts: 5,795 salt miner
    I don't like boring
    HAVE YOU HERD OPITE ?
  • Rex_Capone420Rex_Capone420 Posts: 69,751 spicy boy
    i still don't get how people think tool is boring
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