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Oderus Urungus says Michael Jackson was an alien
Kristen Dunleavy of myYearbook recently conducted an interview with GWAR mainman Oderus Urungus. A couple of excerpts from the chat follow below.
myYearbook: I've been reading some interviews with you online, and I was wondering: what's the dumbest question you've ever been asked?
Oderus: The dumbest question is always the typical, "What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you on the road?" They think it's a safe question that they can get a really good answer to, but honestly, when you're in a band like GWAR, or when you're in any band that's on the road playing rock 'n' roll for a living, every day is insane. You'd probably get a lot more mileage saying, "What's the most normal thing that's ever happened to you?" Usually when people ask me that question, I draw a blank. I try to think of the craziest thing that's ever happened, and I get this avalanche of vile and obscene memories and they all turn into one big flopping, disgusting beast and you can't tell the different parts from each other. Maybe it's not the stupidest question, but the most annoying.
myYearbook: What's the most normal thing that's ever happened to you on tour?
Oderus: No one's ever asked me that before and even though I suggested the question, I'm completely confused. When you do things like have sex with dead animals, murder major political figures and fight cyborgs from outer space, those are the normal things in your day. The weird things are having a day off, checking into the hotel and having a nice breakfast in bed. That would be a really weird thing. A normal thing would be having repeated anal sex with a dead dog.
myYearbook: So having breakfast in bed is not a typical GWAR activity?
Oderus: We sleep in coffins, so it's not quite the same.
myYearbook: The opening track on "Bloody Pit Of Horror" is "Zombies, March!" Do you think there will be a zombie apocalypse one day? If so, how are you prepared for it?
Oderus: The zombie apocalypse is already occurring, as you can see by the zombie TV shows and movies. It's been building for a long time, but it's getting bigger every day. GWAR is supporting the zombie apocalypse. We'd like to see more zombies being used in entertainment. We have all these zombie movies, and we have actors playing zombies. That doesn't make any sense. The economic crunch has hit the zombie sector as well. You're not even letting them portray themselves in movies. The other thing about zombies that's really annoying is that you're not allowed to just go around shooting zombies in the head. Zombies are people too, or at least they used to be.
myYearbook: Wait, so you think Michael Jackson is an alien?
Oderus: I know for a fact that he's an alien.
myYearbook: How's that?
Oderus: He's very old and he came to earth when he heard that GWAR was living here so he could hang out with us. He found out he was gonna have some problems with some of his sexual proclivities so he faked his death and returned to outer space. Anybody who saw the last tour knows that. There's a lot of GWAR stuff that you have to get sorted out, I understand it's a lot to take at first.
myYearbook: I'm going to see you guys for the first time in New York in December. How would you recommend that a first-timer prepares for your Bloody Pit of Horror?
Oderus: I would say drink heavily, to the point of stumbling unconsciousness. If you don't want your clothes to be ruined, wear a trash bag over your head. Hide underneath the corpses of your dead friends, that is how you will survive.
myYearbook: What's your favorite planet?
Oderus: Right now I'd have to say Earth, because Earth is the only planet in the universe that has crack cocaine. I love crack. It's not a drug to me; it's basically a food group. If I don't get it, I go crazy. We tried to go back to outer space and we found out there was no crack there. It all comes from this planet, mined in the Peruvian crack mines. We're looking forward to getting down there after this tour is over and indulging in our favorite habit, eating crack cocaine.
myYearbook: I've been reading some interviews with you online, and I was wondering: what's the dumbest question you've ever been asked?
Oderus: The dumbest question is always the typical, "What's the craziest thing that ever happened to you on the road?" They think it's a safe question that they can get a really good answer to, but honestly, when you're in a band like GWAR, or when you're in any band that's on the road playing rock 'n' roll for a living, every day is insane. You'd probably get a lot more mileage saying, "What's the most normal thing that's ever happened to you?" Usually when people ask me that question, I draw a blank. I try to think of the craziest thing that's ever happened, and I get this avalanche of vile and obscene memories and they all turn into one big flopping, disgusting beast and you can't tell the different parts from each other. Maybe it's not the stupidest question, but the most annoying.
myYearbook: What's the most normal thing that's ever happened to you on tour?
Oderus: No one's ever asked me that before and even though I suggested the question, I'm completely confused. When you do things like have sex with dead animals, murder major political figures and fight cyborgs from outer space, those are the normal things in your day. The weird things are having a day off, checking into the hotel and having a nice breakfast in bed. That would be a really weird thing. A normal thing would be having repeated anal sex with a dead dog.
myYearbook: So having breakfast in bed is not a typical GWAR activity?
Oderus: We sleep in coffins, so it's not quite the same.
myYearbook: The opening track on "Bloody Pit Of Horror" is "Zombies, March!" Do you think there will be a zombie apocalypse one day? If so, how are you prepared for it?
Oderus: The zombie apocalypse is already occurring, as you can see by the zombie TV shows and movies. It's been building for a long time, but it's getting bigger every day. GWAR is supporting the zombie apocalypse. We'd like to see more zombies being used in entertainment. We have all these zombie movies, and we have actors playing zombies. That doesn't make any sense. The economic crunch has hit the zombie sector as well. You're not even letting them portray themselves in movies. The other thing about zombies that's really annoying is that you're not allowed to just go around shooting zombies in the head. Zombies are people too, or at least they used to be.
myYearbook: Wait, so you think Michael Jackson is an alien?
Oderus: I know for a fact that he's an alien.
myYearbook: How's that?
Oderus: He's very old and he came to earth when he heard that GWAR was living here so he could hang out with us. He found out he was gonna have some problems with some of his sexual proclivities so he faked his death and returned to outer space. Anybody who saw the last tour knows that. There's a lot of GWAR stuff that you have to get sorted out, I understand it's a lot to take at first.
myYearbook: I'm going to see you guys for the first time in New York in December. How would you recommend that a first-timer prepares for your Bloody Pit of Horror?
Oderus: I would say drink heavily, to the point of stumbling unconsciousness. If you don't want your clothes to be ruined, wear a trash bag over your head. Hide underneath the corpses of your dead friends, that is how you will survive.
myYearbook: What's your favorite planet?
Oderus: Right now I'd have to say Earth, because Earth is the only planet in the universe that has crack cocaine. I love crack. It's not a drug to me; it's basically a food group. If I don't get it, I go crazy. We tried to go back to outer space and we found out there was no crack there. It all comes from this planet, mined in the Peruvian crack mines. We're looking forward to getting down there after this tour is over and indulging in our favorite habit, eating crack cocaine.
Comments
This dude is actually telling the truth, and one day everybody just gets fucked.