A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
Okay, okay, so when we first get up on the stage, I'll be standing in the center of the stage with the spotlight on me. I'll take out three bowling pins and start juggling them. Then, my husband will come out and we will juggle them back and forth. After we've been juggling for a while, my 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son will run out in between of us and my daughter will begin catching the pins. My son will then pull of his pants and bend over. My daughter will then shove all three of the pins up his ass. My husband will then run over to me and tear off my clothes. He'll then begin fucking me and biting my breasts. My son will walk over to me and stick his cock in my mouth. My daughter will then shout " I hate niggers! " and run into the audience and grab a black person or any non-white person and bring them up to the stage. My husband will then stop biting my breasts and motion the audience member to come towards him. When the guy gets close enough, my husband will pull out a hand gun and shoot him in the head. He will then shoot a round into the mans chest. As the man drops to the ground, my husband will get up and walk over to the man. He will then begin fucking the hole in the man's chest. My son will get up and start digging through the hole in the man's head till he reaches the brain. He will rip the brain from the skull and begin to eat it. I'll walk over to my son and pull the pins from his ass. I'll then begin smashing in the dead man's crotch with a pin. My daughter will then take the gun from my husband and masturbate with it. I will then begin sucking the dead man's smashed up cock. Then, after my daughter climaxes, I'll stop sucking the man and she will shoot him in the crotch. After my son finishes eating the brain. He will signal my husband to get up from the dead man. He'll then begin sucking my son's cock. My daughter will signal to my 94 year old grandfather and my 86 year old grandmother in the audience. They will come up to the stage and immediately strip off their clothes. I will lay down on the floor and my grandfather will stand over me. He will then start jerking off. When he cums in my mouth, I'll stand up and then spit the cum into his mouth. When he swallows it, I will kick him in the balls and tell him to bend over. I'll then take the gun from my daughter and stick it up my grandfather's ass. I'll then fire the gun up his anus and kick him over. Then, my daughter will drag my dead grandfather's body over to my husband who is still sucking my son's cock. My husband will stop sucking my son's cock and signal to my grandmother to take the knife from my grandfather's coat pocket. She will then carve out my grandfather's insides and call out to an audience member to come to the stage. The audience member will come up to the stage and I will instruct him to dress up in a pope costume that we will have backstage. My daughter who will be bringing the pope costume out from backstage will also bring out our dog Sparky. After the audience member dresses up as the pope, my daughter will kill the dog with the knife. She will then stuff the dog into my grandfather's hallowed out body. My grandmother will then go get a hammer, nails and a huge wooden cross from backstage. She will then instruct the audience member to crucify my dead grandfathers body. After he does this, we will nail the cross upside down to the wall. We will then smear blood from the dead nigger all over ourselves and everyone will chant " Fuck Christ! Fuck Christ! " to the audience. We will then ask any children in the audience to come up to the stage. We will ask the children to line up, single file. We will take each child in line and strip their clothes of. We will carve a pentagram in each of the children's chests and carve inverted crosses in their wrists. We will then have sex will them all and when we are done we will set fire to their bodies. We will then line up and bow to the audience.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
Found this...don't know if it's been posted before:
1. I'm so goth, I got a tattoo of celtic knotwork starting at the top of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind me on the floor. 2. I'm so goth I AM a tattoo. 3. I'm so goth my name is "Tattoo" and I was on Fantasy Island. 4. I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black. 5. I 'm so goth I use black cotton balls. 6. I'm so goth I dyed my shadow black. 7. I'm so goth I dyed my belly button black. 8. I'm so goth my pupils are black. 9. I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black." 10. I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out. 11. I'm so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me any cereal other than Count Chocula. 12. I'm so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula. 13. I'm so goth people touch me and they BECOME goth. They say, "Oh no, now I'm goth!" 14. I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator. 15. I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black--I bash them with a hammer. 16. I'm so goth I died and didn't notice. 17. I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy. 18. I'm so goth I write everything on black paper with a black pen in the dark and can never read what the hell I've written! 19. I'm so goth, I'm not only "goth," but also "gothe" "goff" "gawth" "gauwth" "gothic" "gothik" "gothique" and "gawfickk" and soon I hope to be "gauewthickueu." 20. I'm so goth I make Richard Simmons sad. 21. I'm so goth I steal your Happy Meal. 22. I'm so goth I offered to sell my soul to the devil and he wouldn't take it! 23. I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?" 24. I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets. 25. I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied. 26. I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW. What's a smile? 27. I'm so goth, when I was born, the doctor asked me, "What's with the shades?" 28. I'm so goth I say things like "eternally yours in darkness" and "love and darkness" and "may the eternal darkness of the abyss enrapture and enshroud you in its infernal sickly sweet embrace." 29. I'm so goth I'm a mime. 30. I'm so goth I don't use fabric softener, because I like pain. 31. I'm so goth I'm shocked by heterosexuality. 32. I'm so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my jewelry. 33. I'm so goth I'm the only REAL goth. 34. I'm so goth I have rigor mortis whenever I'm with my girlfriend. 35. I'm so goth I smoke cloves in the shower. 36. I'm so goth I killed myself . . . twice. 37. I'm so goth a little rain cloud follows me wherever I go and rains on me. 38. I'm so goth I AM the rain cloud. 39. I'm so goth I'm more goth than anyone else. 40. I'm so goth my diapers were pvc. 41. I'm so goth I got my medulla oblongata pierced. 42. I'm so goth I got my mom pierced. 43. I'm so goth I pierced all my tattoos. 44. I'm so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed. 45. I'm so goth it takes me longer to get UNdressed. 46. I'm so goth I'm dead. 47. I'm so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory. 48. I'm so goth I carry black food dye around in case I have to eat anything that's not black. 49. I'm so goth I look like Michael Jackson. 50. I'm so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, "DEATH." 51. I'm so goth, in high school, all my papers were titled, "DEATH." 52. I'm so goth my mom is a ninja. 53. I'm so goth all ninjas are my mom. 54. I'm so goth, as soon as I was born I put eyeliner on. And I put on too much. 55. I'm so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator. 56. I'm so goth I think Jesus might have been a vampire. 57. I'm so goth I wore corsets in preschool. 58. I'm so goth I wonder if my dog's collar would look better on me. 59. I'm so goth I KNOW my dog's collar looks better on me. 60. I'm so goth I stole my dog's collar. 61. I'm so goth, when I was born, I asked for a light for my clove. 62. I'm so goth I ate a Happy Meal . . . because I like to live dangerous. 63. I'm so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance. 64. I'm so goth parents leg their kids when they see them mesmerized by my appearance. 65. I'me soe gothe ie thinke puttinge e'se one thee endse ofe mye wordse ise medaevale ande deepe. 66. I'm so goth I've been banned. 67. I'm so goth nobody understands me, especially when I say, "the boom boom like shockalocka!!! flibbaflobba!!!" 68. I'm so goth I don't take my medications, so I can be more goth. 69. I'm so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn't cry. 70. I'm so goth I make flowers wilt. 71. I'm so goth I like them better that way. 72. I'm so goth I punched a care bear. 73. I'm so goth I think saying "oh my goth" is cute. 74. I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong. 75. I'm so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me. 76. I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs! 77. I'm so goth I rooted for Gargamel. 78. I'm so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror. 79. I'm so goth I tried to be a hippie once and hugged a tree--and it died. 80. I'm so goth that when I moved into Mr. Roger's neighborhood, he moved away! 81. I'm so goth I pierced both my nipples--does that shock you?--then I went to the genetic engineering lab and had my genetic structure altered to grow another nipple, then I had THAT one pierced. 82. I'm so goth I have carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly putting the back of my hand to my forehead. 83. I'm so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear "Toccata and fugue in D minor." 84. I'm so goth I listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus simultaneously at midnight in a graveyard sitting in a pentagram surrounded by candles & and oh, there's a full moon & and then I die. And then I come back to life. And then I die again & tragically. 85. I'm so goth I have actually seriously uttered the phrase, "the darkest dark of the dark darkness." 86. I'm so goth I tried to use Cheer . . . it cried. 87. I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse. 88. I'm so goth I don't have a pulse. 89. I'm so goth I know what pvc stands for. 90. I'm so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling. 91. I'm so goth I wear pvc pajamas. 92. I'm so goth I'm catholic. 93. I'm so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than them. 94. I'm so goth I changed my name to Mystryss Darque Wintyr Nyght Rayn Ravyn. 95. I'm so goth I don't have a name. I'm just "goth." 96. I'm so goth all I do is sit around and talk about how goth I am. 97. I'm so goth I always use the word "goth" instead of "got." 98. I'm so goth every sentence I say has the word "goth" in it. And finally... 99. I'm so goth I'm the only person who understands what goth REALLY is, and I'm not telling you! http://www.earcandymag.com/imsogoth.htm
Comments
This song brings memories
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
Okay, okay, so when we first get up on the stage, I'll be standing in the center of the stage with the spotlight on me. I'll take out three bowling pins and start juggling them. Then, my husband will come out and we will juggle them back and forth. After we've been juggling for a while, my 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son will run out in between of us and my daughter will begin catching the pins. My son will then pull of his pants and bend over. My daughter will then shove all three of the pins up his ass. My husband will then run over to me and tear off my clothes. He'll then begin fucking me and biting my breasts. My son will walk over to me and stick his cock in my mouth. My daughter will then shout " I hate niggers! " and run into the audience and grab a black person or any non-white person and bring them up to the stage. My husband will then stop biting my breasts and motion the audience member to come towards him. When the guy gets close enough, my husband will pull out a hand gun and shoot him in the head. He will then shoot a round into the mans chest. As the man drops to the ground, my husband will get up and walk over to the man. He will then begin fucking the hole in the man's chest. My son will get up and start digging through the hole in the man's head till he reaches the brain. He will rip the brain from the skull and begin to eat it. I'll walk over to my son and pull the pins from his ass. I'll then begin smashing in the dead man's crotch with a pin. My daughter will then take the gun from my husband and masturbate with it. I will then begin sucking the dead man's smashed up cock. Then, after my daughter climaxes, I'll stop sucking the man and she will shoot him in the crotch. After my son finishes eating the brain. He will signal my husband to get up from the dead man. He'll then begin sucking my son's cock. My daughter will signal to my 94 year old grandfather and my 86 year old grandmother in the audience. They will come up to the stage and immediately strip off their clothes. I will lay down on the floor and my grandfather will stand over me. He will then start jerking off. When he cums in my mouth, I'll stand up and then spit the cum into his mouth. When he swallows it, I will kick him in the balls and tell him to bend over. I'll then take the gun from my daughter and stick it up my grandfather's ass. I'll then fire the gun up his anus and kick him over. Then, my daughter will drag my dead grandfather's body over to my husband who is still sucking my son's cock. My husband will stop sucking my son's cock and signal to my grandmother to take the knife from my grandfather's coat pocket. She will then carve out my grandfather's insides and call out to an audience member to come to the stage. The audience member will come up to the stage and I will instruct him to dress up in a pope costume that we will have backstage. My daughter who will be bringing the pope costume out from backstage will also bring out our dog Sparky. After the audience member dresses up as the pope, my daughter will kill the dog with the knife. She will then stuff the dog into my grandfather's hallowed out body. My grandmother will then go get a hammer, nails and a huge wooden cross from backstage. She will then instruct the audience member to crucify my dead grandfathers body. After he does this, we will nail the cross upside down to the wall. We will then smear blood from the dead nigger all over ourselves and everyone will chant " Fuck Christ! Fuck Christ! " to the audience. We will then ask any children in the audience to come up to the stage. We will ask the children to line up, single file. We will take each child in line and strip their clothes of. We will carve a pentagram in each of the children's chests and carve inverted crosses in their wrists. We will then have sex will them all and when we are done we will set fire to their bodies. We will then line up and bow to the audience.
For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"
And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
1. I'm so goth, I got a tattoo of celtic knotwork starting at the top of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind me on the floor.
2. I'm so goth I AM a tattoo.
3. I'm so goth my name is "Tattoo" and I was on Fantasy Island.
4. I'm so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.
5. I 'm so goth I use black cotton balls.
6. I'm so goth I dyed my shadow black.
7. I'm so goth I dyed my belly button black.
8. I'm so goth my pupils are black.
9. I'm so goth my black is blacker than your black. I call it "black black."
10. I'm so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.
11. I'm so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me any cereal other than Count Chocula.
12. I'm so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula.
13. I'm so goth people touch me and they BECOME goth. They say, "Oh no, now I'm goth!"
14. I'm so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.
15. I'm so goth I don't paint my nails black--I bash them with a hammer.
16. I'm so goth I died and didn't notice.
17. I'm so goth, whenever I knock on somebody's door they give me candy.
18. I'm so goth I write everything on black paper with a black pen in the dark and can never read what the hell I've written!
19. I'm so goth, I'm not only "goth," but also "gothe" "goff" "gawth" "gauwth" "gothic" "gothik" "gothique" and "gawfickk" and soon I hope to be "gauewthickueu."
20. I'm so goth I make Richard Simmons sad.
21. I'm so goth I steal your Happy Meal.
22. I'm so goth I offered to sell my soul to the devil and he wouldn't take it!
23. I'm so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, "What are YOU so happy about?"
24. I'm so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.
25. I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied.
26. I'm so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW. What's a smile?
27. I'm so goth, when I was born, the doctor asked me, "What's with the shades?"
28. I'm so goth I say things like "eternally yours in darkness" and "love and darkness" and "may the eternal darkness of the abyss enrapture and enshroud you in its infernal sickly sweet embrace."
29. I'm so goth I'm a mime.
30. I'm so goth I don't use fabric softener, because I like pain.
31. I'm so goth I'm shocked by heterosexuality.
32. I'm so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my jewelry.
33. I'm so goth I'm the only REAL goth.
34. I'm so goth I have rigor mortis whenever I'm with my girlfriend.
35. I'm so goth I smoke cloves in the shower.
36. I'm so goth I killed myself . . . twice.
37. I'm so goth a little rain cloud follows me wherever I go and rains on me.
38. I'm so goth I AM the rain cloud.
39. I'm so goth I'm more goth than anyone else.
40. I'm so goth my diapers were pvc.
41. I'm so goth I got my medulla oblongata pierced.
42. I'm so goth I got my mom pierced.
43. I'm so goth I pierced all my tattoos.
44. I'm so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed.
45. I'm so goth it takes me longer to get UNdressed.
46. I'm so goth I'm dead.
47. I'm so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory.
48. I'm so goth I carry black food dye around in case I have to eat anything that's not black.
49. I'm so goth I look like Michael Jackson.
50. I'm so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, "DEATH."
51. I'm so goth, in high school, all my papers were titled, "DEATH."
52. I'm so goth my mom is a ninja.
53. I'm so goth all ninjas are my mom.
54. I'm so goth, as soon as I was born I put eyeliner on. And I put on too much.
55. I'm so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator.
56. I'm so goth I think Jesus might have been a vampire.
57. I'm so goth I wore corsets in preschool.
58. I'm so goth I wonder if my dog's collar would look better on me.
59. I'm so goth I KNOW my dog's collar looks better on me.
60. I'm so goth I stole my dog's collar.
61. I'm so goth, when I was born, I asked for a light for my clove.
62. I'm so goth I ate a Happy Meal . . . because I like to live dangerous.
63. I'm so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance.
64. I'm so goth parents leg their kids when they see them mesmerized by my appearance.
65. I'me soe gothe ie thinke puttinge e'se one thee endse ofe mye wordse ise medaevale ande deepe.
66. I'm so goth I've been banned.
67. I'm so goth nobody understands me, especially when I say, "the boom boom like shockalocka!!! flibbaflobba!!!"
68. I'm so goth I don't take my medications, so I can be more goth.
69. I'm so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn't cry.
70. I'm so goth I make flowers wilt.
71. I'm so goth I like them better that way.
72. I'm so goth I punched a care bear.
73. I'm so goth I think saying "oh my goth" is cute.
74. I'm so goth, when I smile people ask me what's wrong.
75. I'm so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me.
76. I'm so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs!
77. I'm so goth I rooted for Gargamel.
78. I'm so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror.
79. I'm so goth I tried to be a hippie once and hugged a tree--and it died.
80. I'm so goth that when I moved into Mr. Roger's neighborhood, he moved away!
81. I'm so goth I pierced both my nipples--does that shock you?--then I went to the genetic engineering lab and had my genetic structure altered to grow another nipple, then I had THAT one pierced.
82. I'm so goth I have carpal tunnel syndrome from constantly putting the back of my hand to my forehead.
83. I'm so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear "Toccata and fugue in D minor."
84. I'm so goth I listen to The Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus simultaneously at midnight in a graveyard sitting in a pentagram surrounded by candles & and oh, there's a full moon & and then I die. And then I come back to life. And then I die again & tragically.
85. I'm so goth I have actually seriously uttered the phrase, "the darkest dark of the dark darkness."
86. I'm so goth I tried to use Cheer . . . it cried.
87. I'm so goth, when I'm sleeping people come and check my pulse.
88. I'm so goth I don't have a pulse.
89. I'm so goth I know what pvc stands for.
90. I'm so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling.
91. I'm so goth I wear pvc pajamas.
92. I'm so goth I'm catholic.
93. I'm so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than them.
94. I'm so goth I changed my name to Mystryss Darque Wintyr Nyght Rayn Ravyn.
95. I'm so goth I don't have a name. I'm just "goth."
96. I'm so goth all I do is sit around and talk about how goth I am.
97. I'm so goth I always use the word "goth" instead of "got."
98. I'm so goth every sentence I say has the word "goth" in it.
And finally...
99. I'm so goth I'm the only person who understands what goth REALLY is, and I'm not telling you!
http://www.earcandymag.com/imsogoth.htm