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CHRONICLES OF TUFFY McRUFFNUTS (THE BEGINING'S)
GULCH_OF_ROT
Posts: 5,795 salt miner
Four years of collage and this is what I get where did I go wrong. Theodore McRuffton
thinks to him self as he trudges through another mundane day of data entry in his 5'x5'
cubicle. Ted had worked at Absolute Insurance for all most a year and the boredom was
unbearable. He spent most of his day surfing the internet, bloging and making friends
on various forums. This particular day Ted was foruming with a most unsettling individual.
Every thing he typed was in CAPS, he kept going on and on about Armageddon Oprah trying
to take over the world using computer's to hormonally imbalance people. Another strange
thing this poster was nameless every one just referred to him a CAPS LOCK. His insanity
was fairly amusing yet at some times down right disturbing. There was one thread that kept
swirling around in his head. CAPS LOCK claimed that if your sex drive was slowing then you
have begun to be affected by hormonal control. Ted was a chronic masterbater and he had
noticed over the last year he was masturbating less and less. He giggled at him self for
even considering any of CAPS post had any validity at all, for Gods sake he was probably
a 12 year old. After lunch Ted read some troubling news Micheal Jackson had died at the
ripe age of 50. What a shame that thriller album was pretty dam good. CAPS seemed to
have a different view he claimed it was a sign that the end was beginning. CAPS post spoke
of when the worlds greatest pedophile remains are placed into the earth Oprah's power will
grow, for she will become the dominant beast of our plane. CAPS was with out a doubt off
his/her rocker.
That night Ted had terrible nightmares of being in the thriller video Micheal hunting him down,
no matter how fast he ran M.J. was right on his heels. In his dream every where he looked for
safety all could see was CAPS LOCK KEYS. Running through the streets every houses door knob
was just another CAPS KEY that would break off in his hand. Drenched in sweat and heart
racing Ted's eye's quickly opened to the sight of his studio apartment witch oddly resembles
his cubicle just more sq. footage. Unable to sleep with the horrifying images still flashing
through his mind he hops onto the internet and starts posting into the forum he was at early
that day. He notices CAPS is still on ranting and raving to get out of all major city's, don't
use your computer unless it has a old school crt monitor cause the hormonal light treatment
cant travel through tube screens and above all don't watch Oprah because she is positioned
to strike. Many of the other forumsters are cracking jokes about M.J. raping lots of small
children and posting pics of nice tits. For some reason Ted feels drawn to CAPS post's they
are many of them and in his/her sick world it all kinda makes sence. All the madness boiled
down to Oprah being 2000 years old trough feeding on stem cells from human fetus. She is
useing hormonal light treatment to weaken the human race by making us more controllable. The
only thing CAPS does not know is to what end is all of this being done.
Through out the next week some strange things started happening. The first was Oprah started
her own T.V. station 24/7 Oprah. Then a nation wide panic when 70% of all pregnant woman in
the county contracted a strange illness, and were forced into abortion. All of a sudden
Planned Parent Hood stocks became one of the top earners in the world. Obama collaborated
with Oprah to legalize stem cell research, they he created the "No Child Left Inside Act"
it offered any woman would donated there aborted fetus to research a 3,000 tax credit. Ted
shocked by what was happing and deiced to haul in his trusty old crt monitor to work just to
be safe. Day after day for the next year Ted conversed with CAPS about the oncoming
Armageddon. Ted had become a believer, at his work place all of the men starting acting
very strange, emotional and feminine. It was not until 1 year after the burial of Micheal
Jackson our president was assassinated. The pentagon was destroyed when a 747 is flown into
it, and a brutal strike to the U.N. killing 85% of its key members. Lieberman is placed into
office and declarers the most powerful woman in america Oprah to act as vice president.
Soon after Lieberman dies of medical complications and Oprah assumes control. She bans all
T.V. except Oprah 24/7. It is a dark time for the world.
After the first day under Oprah's control the riots start and mulisha groups start planning
an attack on Oprah. Ted was scarred he kept in contact with CAPS hoping he would know what
to do. CAPS said it was best to stay off the grid till every thing cools off a bit.
Thats what Ted did he went back home to Indiana to be with his folks. When he arrived home
he could see a figure hanging from the tree where His old tire swing used to be. As his
Toyoda Camry approached he realized it was a body. The body had been gored so bad he could
not make out if it was male or female. Pulling into the front lawn and jumping out of the
car shot gun in hand all of a sudden he recognized his fathers lucky suspenders still hagging
off the ripped slacks danging from corpses feet. It was his father he rushed into the
house screaming out "Mom, Mom!". Once inside his boy hood home he could hear the sound of a
T.V. "These are the ones that would bring us down, these are the ones we must kill" Oprah's
voice rings out folled by a insane roar on the T.V.. He can hear 4 or 5 people in the parlor
clapping and cheering stepping into the room he sees his mother and a couple of woman from
her book club sitting on the couch covered in blood with blank stares on there face.
He runs to his mother "Mom are you all right? Dad is dead hung out front" he says in a
urgent voice. No response he walks to the T.V. and unplugs it while turning around his moms
book club is up and moving toward him silent with a calm madness in there eyes. "Mom what
are you doing?" 2 of the woman have large meat cleavers drawn and they swing at Ted he
runs out front they follow. A tear wells up in Teds eye as he opens fire on his mother and
her book club. He shots them in the legs but they just keep crawling toward him he kills
them all but his mother who he ties to the lazy boy recliner. She is bleeding out bad needs
to get to a hospital is she is going to survive.
Post edited by GULCH_OF_ROT on
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towards the hospital. The home he grew up in is about 25 miles out of town when he gets 15 miles
from town there is a line of cars at a dead stop dead bodies every where. He decides to turn
around and head to the free way he came in on, since he came through the military has set up a
road block. Good Ted thinks they should be able to help as he gets closer to the barricade he is
flagged down. A young solder walks up to the vehicle with his weapon aimed at Ted's head "The
road is closed go home turn on your T.V. for further instructions" the Private yells to Ted in
a stern voice. Ted starts opening his door to step out KA POW!! a shot rings out and a bullet
whizz's by Ted's head "Back in the car" the solders screams out "I said go back to your home and
turn on your T.V. for instructions" the camouflage suited man says once again. Ted yells back
"It's my mother she is hurt badly and bleeding out". The solders states once more "Go home turn
on your T.V. and wait for instructions". Ted realizing he is not getting any where turns the car
around and heads home, the whole times thinking to him self T.V. all that is on is Oprah, CAPS
was right about every thing. When Ted arrives home his mother is passed out cold and her heart
rate is slow. He spends the rest of the night securing his mother and setting up his computer with
his crt screen.
CAPS was not there he searched forum after forum, IM chat, e-mail he even My Space messaged him Ted
started to get concerned. Well now was not the time he needed to take care of his mother. Ted walks
into the parlor sees that his mom has lost about 10-20 pounds and there is a puddle of blood and
plasma dripping from the recliner. He hears a strange cackling then scurrying he scans the room but
sees nothing. He walks around front of his mother her dress is pulled up and her under pants are ripped
open her vagina is dilated. A thick umbilical cord dangles from her massive bloody hole "holy shit"
Ted mutters under his breath. Ted cuts the remaining cord off and covers his mother up then starts
searching the house for what ever came out of her. He hears a glass shader in the kitchen CHIC CHAH
he cocks the shot gun and enters the kitchen there on the counter is what looks like a 2-1/2 foot turd
with little arms a dorsal fin and a mini Oprah head. When the abomination sees Ted it lunges through
the air at him he pulls the trigger of the double barrel and the creature explodes into a red mist of
guts and blood. "good fucking God what the fuck is going on hear" Ted says out loud to himself.
Just after the words have left his lips he hears a strange high pitched siren. He looks out front where
he buried the book club and 3 more mini Oprah's are screaming into the air. The little fuckers dug
there way out Ted runs out front and murders the remaining Opites.
Ted walks to his mothers side and realizes she is dead. CAPS is missing from the World Wide Web his
parents murdered all because of Oprah some thing has to be done. Ted decides to head into town for
supply's he loads his shot gun collects his fathers rifle then heads to the tool shed for some extra
weaponry. Axe...check, Chainsaw...check, Sledge Hammer...check, Shovel...check, Hatred...check,
Rage...check. Time to head into town he hops into his car and head's down the dusty sun baked road.
As he drives he can hear the wild siren songs of the Opites, his blood lust for them is unbearable.
Every thing he has ever known has been taken away by this new world order. Ted is no longer going to
sit by and let this happen he spent years working out on his bow flex he is strong enough no even
better he is TUFF enough. As he drives there is a horrible pain in his nuts a pain the likes of witch
he has never felt. It seems to be linked to the Opites miserable squeal. It feels like his testicles are
shrinking back into his body he grabs the flash light on the passenger seat and wacks his balls hard.
It hurts but they drop back down and feel better believe it or not. he rolls his windows up a pops raining
blood into the cd player he lets the music release his adrenalin as he mentally prepares for battle.
SURPRISE SURPRISE RIGHT IN YOU EYES
AND IT DONT STOP