I just read the story. I don't know much about writing so I can't really give any advice or criticism. It was entertaining and I agree you have talent.
The only think id say you should work on is that some parts sound like a creative non-fiction, and others just sounds like normal fiction. You have a ton of amazing imagery btw!
And I really liked this line "A little girl trots up to me with a devious look in her eyes. She has my nose." It's cute and makes me think.
This one was a little awkward: "I must remain calm and find an exit. " It just kind of messed up the flow of the beginning IMO.
Comments
The only think id say you should work on is that some parts sound like a creative non-fiction, and others just sounds like normal fiction.
You have a ton of amazing imagery btw!
And I really liked this line
"A little girl trots up to me with a devious look in her eyes. She has my nose."
It's cute and makes me think.
This one was a little awkward:
"I must remain calm and find an exit. "
It just kind of messed up the flow of the beginning IMO.
Overall this is really good!!!