Despite the name, black metal is not heavy metal music made by niggers. Black metal is actually an offshoot of heavy metal that was developed in Norway by Satanist faggoths who decided that death metal wasn't gay enough. The guttural vocals of death metal were stretched to a higher pitch so that, instead of sounding like a man choking on semen, they sounded like the Wicked Witch of the West choking on semen, occasionally complemented by weak, half-assed monk chants. Typical trailer-trash metal clothes were thrown out in favor of bondage gear and exaggerated goth face paint. These articles are usually purchased at Hot Topic, although black metal musicians will never admit it. The irritating, grungy sound of death metal was obliterated, reduced to an equally irritating, thin screeching of tremolo picked guitars, no bass whatsoever, and helicopter drumming. Black metal lyrics have a diversity of topics from Satan to nature to Vikings to winter to Vikings in winter to Satanic nature to Satanic Vikings in winter to Satanic Vikings admiring nature in winter. Although not very popular during the genre's heyday due to the emphasis on "kvlt" (avoiding commercial success by any means possible, often by making your music suck really, really hard), it has recently become immensely popular among 13-year-old boys on the internets.
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