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Search This Site Type text, press ENTERCategories Alimony Child Support Custody Divorce Paternity Archives April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 August 2009 July 2009 Latest Tweets No public Twitter messages.
MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I like to wear a elaborate Jar Jar Binks costume and mask as part of my every day life. I went to the grocery store, and saw how depressed everyone was so I thought I would help. I started dancing in the aisles, and yelling at people, and running up to people and taking things out of their cart. It was great fun. Then when I went to check out, there was only one lane open and a long line. I screamed and screamed while in line and danced, bumping into other people. I opened a box of baking soda and threw it around. Finally I got to the checkout. I started making noises at the cashier, and I kept pressing buttons on the computer. Some people in line were groaning because the line was getting very long, but that gave me even more incentive to make them laugh. I climbed onto the table and started kicking peoples groceries on the floor and singing. The manager and one of his goons pulled me off and said I could never shop there again. Can I sue for harassment or possibly assault?
I am in so much shit here it's not even funny. Every once in a while I babysit my niece and cousin for some extra money, said niece is 7 and the cousin is 5. I was sitting there and I found one of my uncles Penthouse magazines and started flipping trough the pages, secretly so the kids wouldn't see it. I was sitting comfortably when suddenly I flip open a page to THE HOTTEST GIRL I EVER SEEN. So I am sitting there checking her out when suddenly my niece spills apple juice all over my pants. I almost shout out god dammit but I managed to hold that shit in when my niece says as I am standing up: "You can put your trousers in the washing machine I know how it works!" So I unbutton my pants and take them off, forgetting that recently I lost a lot of weight (22 pounds) and thus my underwear falls down on the floor. Exposing the boner the Penthouse pet just gave me. And just as my niece points at my my shlong saying: "Why is it all hard like that?" My uncle and aunt walk in the room because they forgot their wallet. To make a long story short I was kicked out of the house, my uncle slapping me on the head (hard) shouting I'm a pervert, which I am not, and my aunt shouting they'd call the police on me and I was never to come to their house again. What the fuck do I do now?!
I'm a senior in high school and my sister is in 8th grade. Ever since she started junior high she has started to spend a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom perfecting her appearance. This really pisses me off.. first of all because at some point in the fucking morning I'd like to take the 10 damn minutes it takes me to get ready without having to bang on the bathroom door for 20 minutes.. and second because someone that young really should not be so fucking concerned about their appearance.. hell anyone at any age shouldn't imo. Anyway, the other morning I finally got the bathroom and I decided to go for the early morning shower fap session. You guys know what a struggle this can be right?? Well there I was thinking about some hot Asian girl in my language arts class, about to climax, when the little bitch knocks on the door and says "is it safe to come in? I need to do something." Granted she has done this countless times before and it hasn't really bothered me, but this time I had spent a good 10 minutes working up dick and I wasn't going to let her escape this great injustice. So I tell her it's safe, she opens the door and then I whirl the shower curtain open with my red hot steaming dick shining in its full glory. She screams and runs to tell my uptight christian parents who now think I need counseling. That afternoon when I got home from school she was locked in her room. I knocked on the door and told her I wanted to apologize. She opened it and I walked in, gave her a big hug and said I'm sorry for doing what I did this morning. She accepted and then said "Brother, that was the first PENIS I have ever seen in real life" At this moment I felt a surge of power and gratification that has yet to be equaled
Hi, I'm Gregg and I work at Gamestop. I have a simple message for the members of this forum. DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING CALL UP MY PLACE OF WORK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU PATHETIC FUCKS DON'T HAVE JOBS OF YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARENTS PAY FOR YOUR SKYPE AND YOUR INTERNET ACCESS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO ACTUALLY WORK A FULL TIME JOB. WHAT YOU FUCKHEADS DON'T REALIZE IS BY YOU CALLING AND ASKING FOR BATTLEFROGS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER YOU FUCKERS SAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, IT TAKES UP PRECIOUS TIME WHICH WE NEED TO HELP ACTUAL CUSTOMERS. YOU ARE MAKING US LOSE MONEY. AND BY 'US' I MEAN THE EMPLOYEES. EVERY PRANK CALL THE STORE WE WORK AT RECEIVES, WE LOSE HOWEVER AMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND ON THE PHONE TALKING TO YOU COMES RIGHT OUT OF OUR MEASLY PAYCHECKS. SO FUCK OFF IT ISN'T FUNNY AND OUR STORE AT LEAST HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES AND YES THERE IS ACTION WE CAN PURSUE AGAINST THIS MESSAGEBOARD. Have a fucking great day. And don't call my place of work anymore.
In west pedophilia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chilling out, fapping, and posting CP And all flaming some camwhores for they faggotry When a couple of mods who were up to no good Started partyvanning in my neighborhood I got one little ban and my mom derailed And said "I'm gonna call Chris Hansen and send your ass to jail."
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You 404’d it. Gnarly, dude.
Surfin’ ain’t easy, and right now, you’re lost at sea. But don’t worry; simply pick an option from the list below, and you’ll be back out riding the waves of the Internet in no time.
Hit the “back” button on your browser. It’s perfect for situations like this!
Head on over to the home page.
Punt.
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April 2010
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>>8974927
THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
my niece spills apple juice all over my pants. I almost shout out god dammit but I managed to hold that shit in when my niece says as I am standing up: "You can put your trousers in the washing machine I know how it works!" So I unbutton my pants and take them off, forgetting that recently I lost a lot of weight (22 pounds) and thus my underwear falls down on the floor. Exposing the boner the Penthouse pet just gave me. And just as my niece points at my my shlong saying: "Why is it all hard like that?" My uncle and aunt walk in the room because they forgot their wallet.
To make a long story short I was kicked out of the house, my uncle slapping me on the head (hard) shouting I'm a pervert, which I am not, and my aunt shouting they'd call the police on me and I was never to come to their house again.
What the fuck do I do now?!
Anyway, the other morning I finally got the bathroom and I decided to go for the early morning shower fap session. You guys know what a struggle this can be right?? Well there I was thinking about some hot Asian girl in my language arts class, about to climax, when the little bitch knocks on the door and says "is it safe to come in? I need to do something."
Granted she has done this countless times before and it hasn't really bothered me, but this time I had spent a good 10 minutes working up dick and I wasn't going to let her escape this great injustice. So I tell her it's safe, she opens the door and then I whirl the shower curtain open with my red hot steaming dick shining in its full glory.
She screams and runs to tell my uptight christian parents who now think I need counseling.
That afternoon when I got home from school she was locked in her room. I knocked on the door and told her I wanted to apologize. She opened it and I walked in, gave her a big hug and said I'm sorry for doing what I did this morning. She accepted and then said "Brother, that was the first PENIS I have ever seen in real life"
At this moment I felt a surge of power and gratification that has yet to be equaled
DON'T EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING CALL UP MY PLACE OF WORK AGAIN. I KNOW YOU PATHETIC FUCKS DON'T HAVE JOBS OF YOUR OWN AND YOUR PARENTS PAY FOR YOUR SKYPE AND YOUR INTERNET ACCESS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HARD IT IS TO ACTUALLY WORK A FULL TIME JOB.
WHAT YOU FUCKHEADS DON'T REALIZE IS BY YOU CALLING AND ASKING FOR BATTLEFROGS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER YOU FUCKERS SAY OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, IT TAKES UP PRECIOUS TIME WHICH WE NEED TO HELP ACTUAL CUSTOMERS.
YOU ARE MAKING US LOSE MONEY. AND BY 'US' I MEAN THE EMPLOYEES. EVERY PRANK CALL THE STORE WE WORK AT RECEIVES, WE LOSE HOWEVER AMOUNT OF TIME WE SPEND ON THE PHONE TALKING TO YOU COMES RIGHT OUT OF OUR MEASLY PAYCHECKS.
SO FUCK OFF IT ISN'T FUNNY AND OUR STORE AT LEAST HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THE AUTHORITIES AND YES THERE IS ACTION WE CAN PURSUE AGAINST THIS MESSAGEBOARD.
Have a fucking great day. And don't call my place of work anymore.
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, fapping, and posting CP
And all flaming some camwhores for they faggotry
When a couple of mods who were up to no good
Started partyvanning in my neighborhood
I got one little ban and my mom derailed
And said "I'm gonna call Chris Hansen and send your ass to jail."