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KridesBrideBritt
Posts: 25,781 jayfacer
Three bums are talking one evening, when the first says, "You should have been with me last night. I was behind the new Burger King, looked in the dumpster and found a half-eaten Whopper and half a Sprite." I had myself a feast!
The second one says, "You should have been with me last night. I was behind the liquor store, and found a case of broken whiskey bottles in the Dumpster. I got a good drink!"
The third one says, "You should have been with me last night. I was walking down the railroad tracks, ran into a woman, went off into the woods and had sex for hours!"
Excitedly, the first one asks,"So, did you get any head?"
The third one says, "Nah, never could find her head."
The second one says, "You should have been with me last night. I was behind the liquor store, and found a case of broken whiskey bottles in the Dumpster. I got a good drink!"
The third one says, "You should have been with me last night. I was walking down the railroad tracks, ran into a woman, went off into the woods and had sex for hours!"
Excitedly, the first one asks,"So, did you get any head?"
The third one says, "Nah, never could find her head."
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One of them said, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick."
"How did you get it fixed?" asked Ben.
"Well I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her."
Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all around the bull's nose.
The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.
Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.
He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, "Honey, look!"
She rolled over, turned on the light and said, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?"
EDIT: NOT LOL TO THE SECOND ONE, NOT LOL
One man said to the other, "If I find my wife cheating on me again, it's over."
Just as he said that they came to a hill over looking his house. In the window was his wife with another man.
He spoke "I can't take this anymore" and had his friend raise his gun to shoot them.
"Should I kill them both?"
"No, shoot her in the head and shoot him in the cock."
"I can make that in one shot"
~~~
Paddy and his two friends, Bill and Simon, are talking at a bar.
Bill says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.”
“What makes you think that?” asks Paddy.
“Well the other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”
Simon then says: “Same with me! I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber.”
“The other day I found a wrench under the bed and that wasn’t mine.”
“That’s all three of us then,” says Paddy: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”
Bill and Simon look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
The others where great too